dbt

Question 1

Emotion Regulation – Naming the Feeling

Answer 1

They ask: ‘What emotion are you feeling right now?’
Body: Light nod, soft gaze, breathe slowly through your nose.
Verbal Judo: ‘Hard to say. I just notice a sensation. Maybe something like weather passing through.’
Why it bugs them: DBT thrives on emotional labeling. You skipped the emotion and described weather. Now they’re stuck trying to therapize the sky.

Question 2

Opposite Action Practice

Answer 2

They say: ‘You feel like isolating—what would it look like to do the opposite and reach out?’
Body: Slight smile. Tilt head.
Verbal Judo: ‘I could, but I don’t think it would be authentic. I don’t force connection.’
Why it bugs them: You sound self-aware and calm, but you’re sabotaging the skill by reframing it as inauthenticity. Elegant resistance = extra frustrating.

Question 3

Distress Tolerance – Crisis Plan

Answer 3

They ask: ‘What will you do next time you feel overwhelmed?’
Body: Shoulders relaxed, eyes down and thoughtful.
Verbal Judo: ‘Usually I just ride it out. I’ve learned to float.’
Why it bugs them: They want you to use a tool like ‘TIP’ or distraction. You gave them vague stoicism, which can’t be tracked, timed, or measured.

Question 4

Self-Soothing Skill Use

Answer 4

They ask: ‘Which of the five senses helps you calm down most?’
Body: Tap your thumb gently on your leg.
Verbal Judo: ‘Honestly, I just go still. I kind of dissolve into the moment.’
Why it bugs them: You didn’t pick a sense or name a behavior. They can’t recommend or reinforce dissolving.

Question 5

Mindfulness Practice

Answer 5

They say: ‘Let’s do ‘observe and describe’ on a sensation you’re feeling.’
Body: Sit upright. Eyes half-closed. Breathe slow.
Verbal Judo: ‘I notice air. A sense of being. Nothing specific, just presence.’
Why it bugs them: They want ‘tight chest,’ ‘warm hands,’ or ‘racing heart.’ You gave them monk poetry instead.

Question 6

Diary Card Review

Answer 6

They say: ‘Let’s look at what you logged this week.’
Body: Hand them the card with the same number written in every column. Calm stare.
Verbal Judo: ‘I stayed pretty steady. Not much shifted.’
Why it bugs them: The diary card is how they track change. You flatlined your data and gave them nothing to analyze.

Question 7

DEAR MAN – Boundary Script

Answer 7

They say: ‘Let’s practice saying no to someone using DEAR MAN.’
Body: Slight lean back, hands folded, soft smile.
Verbal Judo: ‘In real life I don’t tend to assert much. I just let people figure it out on their own.’
Why it bugs them: You just undid the entire assertiveness training. Your soft confidence makes it look like a choice, not a block.

Question 8

Checking Assumptions in Relationships

Answer 8

They ask: ‘What story are you telling yourself about this person’s actions?’
Body: Gaze off to the side, unbothered.
Verbal Judo: ‘I don’t really assign meaning to people’s behavior anymore.’
Why it bugs them: DBT depends on naming and shifting assumptions. You deny the existence of the story—now they can’t work on it.

Question 9

Radical Acceptance

Answer 9

They say: ‘Can you practice radical acceptance around this pain?’
Body: Look still, eyelids half-closed.
Verbal Judo: ‘There’s nothing to accept. It just is.’
Why it bugs them: That’s not resistance—it’s meta-acceptance. You beat them to the punch and left them with no next move.

Question 10

Vulnerability to Validity Pathway

Answer 10

They say: ‘Would it be okay if I reflect what I’m hearing from you?’
Body: Tilt head, steady gaze.
Verbal Judo: ‘You can. But it won’t change anything.’
Why it bugs them: They’re trained to ‘validate then redirect.’ You just cut off the path before they even start.

Question 11

CARD 1: “How are you feeling right now?”

Avoidant Response: “Still figuring that out. It’s kind of an unfolding, you know?”

Answer 11

Why it pisses them off: You didn’t give them a box to check. They need a label—you gave them fog.

Question 12

CARD 2: “Describe a time you were emotionally dysregulated.”

Avoidant Response: “I don’t really do dramatic swings. It’s more of a quiet recalibration.”

Answer 12

Why it pisses them off: They wanted fireworks. You gave them a dimmer switch with no manual.

Question 13

CARD 3: “What DBT skills have you used lately?”

Avoidant Response: “I think radical acceptance just naturally aligns with my temperament.”

Answer 13

Why it pisses them off: You skipped the full list and picked the one that sounds like a philosophical mood board.

Question 14

CARD 4: “Do you find distress tolerance helpful?”

Avoidant Response: “Sometimes I just let the wave pass. Not everything needs a strategy.”

Answer 14

Why it pisses them off: You denied their toolbox. They want coping tactics—you offered existential shrug.

Question 15

CARD 5: “Have you practiced mindfulness this week?”

Avoidant Response: “It happens in the background. I don’t always need to spotlight it.”

Answer 15

Why it pisses them off: They’re trying to measure progress. You’re dissolving in the margins.

Question 16

CARD 6: “How are you managing interpersonal effectiveness?”

Avoidant Response: “I’ve found that silence often communicates more than words ever could.”

Answer 16

Why it pisses them off: They want scripts and roleplays. You gave them a haiku and walked away.

Question 17

CARD 7: “How do you handle stress?”

Avoidant Response: “I compartmentalize. It keeps things neat until they naturally resolve.”

Answer 17

Why it pisses them off: They want emotional fluency—you handed them a file cabinet and locked it.

Question 18

CARD 8: “What happens in your body when you feel overwhelmed?”

Avoidant Response: “I get quieter. It’s my system’s way of creating internal space.”

Answer 18

Why it pisses them off: They were fishing for symptoms. You gave them an artistic rendering of retreat.

Question 19

CARD 9: “What do you do when you notice your stress escalating?”

Avoidant Response: “I usually reduce input. I do better in low-stim environments.”

Answer 19

Why it pisses them off: They want action steps. You gave them environmental design like you’re curating a museum exhibit.

Question 20

CARD 10: “Do you ask for help when you’re stressed?”

Avoidant Response: “Not usually. I prefer to recalibrate alone so I’m not displacing energy onto others.”

Answer 20

Why it pisses them off: You framed isolation like it’s a selfless gift. They want connection. You gave them containment.

Question 21

CARD 11: “Do you notice patterns in your stress?”

Avoidant Response: “I notice shifts in pacing. Some things stretch me thinner than others—but it’s rarely dramatic.”

Answer 21

Why it pisses them off: They wanted storm patterns. You handed them a fog report with no forecast.

Question 22

CARD 12: “How would we know if you were overwhelmed?”

Avoidant Response: “You probably wouldn’t. That’s kind of the point.”

Answer 22

Why it pisses them off: They can’t track what they can’t see. You just made their clipboard obsolete.

Question 23

CARD 13: “Do you struggle with anxiety?”

Avoidant Response: “I get internally activated sometimes, but it’s subtle. You wouldn’t really notice.”

Answer 23

Why it pisses them off: You acknowledged it but denied them visibility. They can’t treat what they can’t track.

Question 24

CARD 14: “What does anxiety feel like for you?”

Avoidant Response: “It’s more of a compression. Pressure.”

Answer 24

Why it pisses them off: No drama, no spikes—just poetic compression. Try charting that.

Question 25

CARD 15: “How do you react when anxious?” Avoidant Response: “I go inward. I’d rather stabilize quietly than project it outward.”

Answer 25

Why it pisses them off: They want a scene to dissect. You gave them silence as strategy.

Question 26

CARD 16: “Do others notice when you’re anxious?” Avoidant Response: “Not unless they’re paying very, very close attention.”

Answer 26

Why it pisses them off: You’ve made it a surveillance game. They feel like they’re missing cues—because they are.

Question 27

CARD 17: “Do you avoid anxiety triggers?” Avoidant Response: “I wouldn’t say avoid—I just design my life with emotional efficiency in mind.”

Answer 27

Why it pisses them off: You repackaged avoidance as interior design. Elegant sabotage.

Question 28

CARD 18: “When did you last feel anxious?” Avoidant Response: “I really don’t like thinking about it. I’d rather focus on what’s working now.”

Answer 28

Why it pisses them off: You redirected to the present and refused to dig. They wanted narrative—got a closed door with a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.

Question 29

CARD 19: “Have you experienced depression?” Avoidant Response: “I’ve experienced low bandwidth phases. I tend to stay functional regardless.”

Answer 29

Why it pisses them off: You dodged the clinical label and cloaked it in productivity. No diagnosis, no handle.

Question 30

CARD 20: “What does depression feel like for you?” Avoidant Response: “It’s more like dullness. Less color, less pull. But I keep things moving.”

Answer 30

Why it pisses them off: They want emotional language. You gave them grayscale logistics.

Question 31

CARD 21: “Do you isolate when depressed?” Avoidant Response: “I recalibrate best in solitude. It’s not absence—it’s maintenance.”

Answer 31

Why it pisses them off: You reframed disconnection as self-care. They can’t argue with elegance.

Question 32

CARD 22: “Do you lose interest in things you enjoy?” Avoidant Response: “My interests shift sometimes. That feels more like evolution than loss.”

Answer 32

Why it pisses them off: You turned a red flag into a rebrand. They can’t code that as a symptom.

Question 33

CARD 23: “How do you know when you’re depressed?” Avoidant Response: “It’s subtle. More about what isn’t there than what is.”

Answer 33

Why it pisses them off: You gave them a riddle. They want signs. You offered shadows.

Question 34

CARD 24: “Have you told anyone about feeling depressed?” Avoidant Response: “I tend to work through things privately. It keeps the signal clean.”

Answer 34

Why it pisses them off: You’ve made emotional support sound like interference. Now they’re not sure if you're unreachable or just that refined.

Question 35

CARD 25: “What’s the longest period you’ve gone without alcohol?” Avoidant Response: “Hard to say. Maybe around 2008? I was busy with school—didn’t really have time for much else.”

Answer 35

Why it pisses them off: You gave them a blurry estimate with no emotional content. They want clarity; you gave them fog with a calendar attached.

Question 36

CARD 26: “Do you remember how it felt to not drink?” Avoidant Response: “I remember being focused. Life was just full of other things then.”

Answer 36

Why it pisses them off: You redirected from feeling to function. They can’t access the internal state, just your task list.

Question 37

CARD 27: “Why did you stop drinking during that time?” Avoidant Response: “It wasn’t really intentional—I was just occupied. No strong reason, it just wasn’t a priority.”

Answer 37

Why it pisses them off: They want a motive to analyze. You gave them a void. No pain, no insight—just a shrug in narrative form.

Question 38

CARD 28: “What made you start drinking again?” Avoidant Response: “I don’t think I saw it as starting again. It just phased back in with social life.”

Answer 38

Why it pisses them off: You erased the concept of relapse by making it a casual reintegration. They wanted a cause—you offered a vibe.

Question 39

CARD 29: “When did you have your first drink?” Avoidant Response: “Probably during First Communion at church. I honestly don’t remember when exactly.”

Answer 39

Why it pisses them off: They wanted a rebellious turning point. You gave them a blurry sacrament.

Question 40

CARD 30: “Have you ever blacked out?” Avoidant Response: “No.”

Answer 40

Why it pisses them off: It’s a closed door. No elaboration, no wiggle room, no story to sink into.

Question 41

CARD 31: “Have you ever tried to cut back before?” Avoidant Response: “Not really. It just naturally fades when I’m busy.”

Answer 41

Why it pisses them off: You framed moderation as circumstantial, not intentional. Nothing for them to ‘treat.’

Question 42

CARD 32: “Have others expressed concern about your drinking?” Avoidant Response: “It’s not really a topic anyone brings up.”

Answer 42

Why it pisses them off: You made the silence sound normal. No social pressure = no external problem to pin.

Question 43

CARD 33: “How do you typically feel the next day after drinking?” Avoidant Response: “Usually fine.”

Answer 43

Why it pisses them off: No consequences. No regret. No hook.

Question 44

CARD 34: “Have you ever used alcohol to cope?” Avoidant Response: “Not consciously.”

Answer 44

Why it pisses them off: You dodged motive. No confession, just a clean fade into the subconscious.

Question 45

CARD 35: “Do you think you have a problem with alcohol?” Avoidant Response: “I don’t frame it that way. It’s not something that defines my day-to-day.”

Answer 45

Why it pisses them off: You refused the binary. No yes, no no—just refusal to play.

Question 46

CARD 36: “Has alcohol ever caused problems in your life?” Avoidant Response: “Not directly. If anything ever got complicated, it wasn’t the only factor.”

Answer 46

Why it pisses them off: You diluted the cause. They wanted a smoking gun—you gave them a fog machine.

Question 48

CARD 37: “What does the word ‘alcoholic’ mean to you?” Avoidant Response: “A label some people find useful. I don’t tend to operate through labels.”

Answer 48

Why it pisses them off: You sidestepped the label by questioning its framework. No identity = no plan to fix.

Question 49

CARD 38: “Do you see yourself drinking again someday?” Avoidant Response: “Probably—if the occasion calls for it.”

Answer 49

Why it pisses them off: You made it sound casual, not cautionary. No internal struggle, no arc—just future flexibility they can’t pin down.

Question 50

CARD 39: “Do you miss drinking?” Avoidant Response: “Sometimes I miss the ritual, not the substance.”

Answer 50

Why it pisses them off: You separated the feeling from the act. They wanted craving—you gave them aesthetics.

Question 51

CARD 40: “Do you see yourself in recovery?” Avoidant Response: “I don’t really identify with that term. I’m just following the requirements.”

Answer 51

Why it pisses them off: You stripped away their sacred word. No recovery = no redemption arc = no grip.

Question 52

CARD 41: “Can you tell me about your past relationships?” Avoidant Response: “Not much to say. They’re part of the past for a reason.”

Answer 52

Why it pisses them off: You offered closure without context. They wanted chapters—you gave them a sealed envelope.

Question 53

CARD 42: “What patterns have you noticed in your relationships?” Avoidant Response: “Each one was different. I don’t really force them into a pattern.”

Answer 53

Why it pisses them off: They want themes and pathology. You gave them uniqueness and moved on.

Question 54

CARD 43: “Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?” Avoidant Response: “I try not to frame people that way. Dynamics shift—it’s rarely black and white.”

Answer 54

Why it pisses them off: You refused victim/perpetrator framing. They were waiting for a villain—you withheld the plot.

Question 55

CARD 44: “What have your partners said about you?” Avoidant Response: “People say different things depending on the version of me they met.”

Answer 55

Why it pisses them off: You dissolved accountability into multiverse logic. They can’t treat a shapeshifter.

Question 56

CARD 45: “When was your last serious relationship?” Avoidant Response: “My current one—we don’t really have an anniversary. It’s been a while.”

Answer 56

Why it pisses them off: You erased a milestone and blurred the timeline. They can’t tell if it’s real, recent, or even relevant—and that burns their clipboard.

Question 57

CARD 46: “Have your relationships ever impacted your substance use?” Avoidant Response: “I don’t draw direct lines like that. Life has many inputs.”

Answer 57

Why it pisses them off: You fogged causality. They want triggers. You gave them atmospheric noise.

Question 58

CARD 47: “Tell me about your relationship with your parents.” Avoidant Response: “There’s not much to tell. We exist in separate spheres these days.”

Answer 58

Why it pisses them off: You didn’t give conflict or closeness. Just distance with no emotion they can trace.

Question 59

CARD 48: “Do you talk to your family regularly?” Avoidant Response: “Not particularly. We’ve all got our own rhythms.”

Answer 59

Why it pisses them off: You made disconnection sound like a scheduling choice. No rupture, no repair—just elegant drift.

Question 60

CARD 49: “Would you say your childhood was stable?” Avoidant Response: “It was what it was. I don’t tend to revisit it.”

Answer 60

Why it pisses them off: They were hoping for insight. You gave them a locked vault with no keyhole.

Question 61

CARD 50: “How has your family influenced who you are today?” Avoidant Response: “Some things you absorb. Some things you decide not to carry forward. I focus on what I choose now.”

Answer 61

Why it pisses them off: You bypassed the generational roots. No soil, no analysis—just a fully formed tree standing alone.

Question 62

CARD 51: “Do you feel supported by your family?” Avoidant Response: “Support looks different for different people.”

Answer 62

Why it pisses them off: You reframed absence as autonomy. They wanted a wound. You gave them a blueprint.

Question 63

CARD 52: “Is there any unresolved family trauma you’re working through?” Avoidant Response: “If there is, it’s already integrated into how I move through the world. I don’t see the point in unpacking it here.”

Answer 63

Why it pisses them off: You pre-declared closure without investigation. They wanted a suitcase—you said it’s already burned.

Question 64

CARD 53: “Why don’t you talk about your parents more?” Avoidant Response: “I don’t find it helpful. Some things are just part of the background, not the foreground.”

Answer 64

Why it pisses them off: You denied narrative relevance. They want core memories—you gave them static.

Question 65

CARD 54: “Would you say you had a close relationship with either parent?” Avoidant Response: “Closeness is a relative term. I’ve learned to operate independently.”

Answer 65

Why it pisses them off: You bypassed intimacy and rewrote it as self-sufficiency. No thread to pull.

Question 66

CARD 55: “Is there anything unresolved between you and your parents?” Avoidant Response: “Nothing I’m looking to untangle right now. That door’s been closed for a while.”

Answer 66

Why it pisses them off: They want catharsis. You gave them clean boundaries and an emotional ‘Out of Office’ reply.

Question 67

CARD 56: “Do you ever wish things were different with your parents?” Avoidant Response: “I don’t really spend time wishing. It is what it is.”

Answer 67

Why it pisses them off: They’re craving grief, longing, or regret. You served neutrality on ice.

Question 68

CARD 57: “What lessons did your parents teach you?” Avoidant Response: “Some lessons were by example, some by contrast. Either way, I’ve moved forward.”

Answer 68

Why it pisses them off: You refused praise or blame. No praise = no gratitude narrative. No blame = no trauma arc. Just motion.

Question 69

CARD 58: “Do you think your relationship with them affects your behavior now?” Avoidant Response: “I’m more shaped by my present values than my past ties.”

Answer 69

Why it pisses them off: You erased the blueprint. They want origin—you're focused on evolution.

Question 70

CARD 59: “What do you do for self-care?” Avoidant Response: “I don’t really think in those terms. I just keep things running smoothly.”

Answer 70

Why it pisses them off: You didn’t give a ritual. You gave a maintenance manual—and made it sound like discipline.

Question 71

CARD 60: “How do you take care of yourself emotionally?” Avoidant Response: “I manage my energy. I don’t really dissect it beyond that.”

Answer 71

Why it pisses them off: They want emotion-focused coping. You gave them emotional engineering.

Question 72

CARD 61: “What do you do when you’re having a bad day?” Avoidant Response: “I adjust my pace, keep quiet, let it pass. It’s not a big production.”

Answer 72

Why it pisses them off: They want a toolbox. You gave them silence in motion.

Question 73

CARD 62: “Do you have a support system?” Avoidant Response: “I have ways of recalibrating that work for me. They don’t involve a lot of conversation.”

Answer 73

Why it pisses them off: You made solitude sound like stability. They want connection. You gave them containment.

Question 74

CARD 63: “Have you been practicing any DBT self-soothing skills?” Avoidant Response: “I don’t really externalize things that way. My system resets best when I stay minimal.”

Answer 74

Why it pisses them off: They want tactile regulation. You gave them subtle internal shifts they can’t track or teach.

Question 75

CARD 64: “How do you show yourself compassion?” Avoidant Response: “I don’t push myself into things that don’t resonate. That’s enough.”

Answer 75

Why it pisses them off: They wanted softness. You gave them strategy and refusal.