anxious avoidant

Question 1

What is the Avoidant Move when someone pulls away unexpectedly?

Answer 1

“Whatever. I’ll detach. I don’t need this.”

Question 2

What is the Anxious Insight when someone pulls away unexpectedly?

Answer 2

“Why didn’t they say goodbye? Did I do something wrong?”

Question 3

What is the Secure Reframe when someone pulls away unexpectedly?

Answer 3

“Their silence is about them. My worth is consistent whether they stay or go.”

Question 4

What is the Avoidant Move when someone gets too close, too fast?

Answer 4

“Ugh. They’re clingy. I need to disappear.”

Question 5

What is the Anxious Insight when someone gets too close, too fast?

Answer 5

“If I don’t respond, they’ll think I don’t care.”

Question 6

What is the Secure Reframe when someone gets too close, too fast?

Answer 6

“I can create space without guilt. Boundaries are not rejection.”

Question 7

What is the Avoidant Move when you want to text but feel needy?

Answer 7

“I’ll wait. If they care, they’ll reach out.”

Question 8

What is the Anxious Insight when you want to text but feel needy?

Answer 8

“I’m spiraling. What if they never text back?”

Question 9

What is the Secure Reframe when you want to text but feel needy?

Answer 9

“I can reach out from self-trust, not panic. My value doesn’t depend on their response.”

Question 10

What is the Avoidant Move when someone compliments you?

Answer 10

“They don’t mean it. What’s their angle?”

Question 11

What is the Anxious Insight when someone compliments you?

Answer 11

“I want to believe it, but I feel unworthy.”

Question 12

What is the Secure Reframe when someone compliments you?

Answer 12

“I can receive this. I’m allowed to be seen and still stay grounded.”

Question 13

What is the Avoidant Move when a partner wants to talk about feelings?

Answer 13

“This is too much. I need to be alone.”

Question 14

What is the Anxious Insight when a partner wants to talk about feelings?

Answer 14

“What if I say the wrong thing and ruin it?”

Question 15

What is the Secure Reframe when a partner wants to talk about feelings?

Answer 15

“I can pause, then engage at my pace. Intimacy doesn’t demand urgency.”

Question 16

What is the Avoidant Move when you feel unseen in a group?

Answer 16

“I’ll just disappear. I don’t belong anyway.”

Question 17

What is the Anxious Insight when you feel unseen in a group?

Answer 17

“What if they secretly hate me?”

Question 18

What is the Secure Reframe when you feel unseen in a group?

Answer 18

“I belong wherever I decide I do. My presence isn’t up for vote.”

Question 19

What is the Avoidant Move when a therapist pushes for more vulnerability?

Answer 19

“Nope. Not going there. They don’t need to know.”

Question 20

What is the Anxious Insight when a therapist pushes for more vulnerability?

Answer 20

“If I don’t share, they’ll think I’m hiding or broken.”

Question 21

What is the Secure Reframe when a therapist pushes for more vulnerability?

Answer 21

“I control the depth and timing. Safety is built, not owed.”

Question 22

What do you say when someone says, ‘You’re sending mixed signals.’?

Answer 22

I move how my nervous system moves. If you want consistency, earn safety.

They were hoping to blame your complexity instead.

Question 23

What do you say when someone asks, ‘Why are you so hot and cold?’

Answer 23

Because I’m fire and ice. I wasn’t made to be room temperature.

They can’t predict you—and they hate not being able to control the narrative or gain steady access.

Question 24

What do you say when someone claims, ‘You don’t trust anyone.’?

Answer 24

Trust is sacred. I don’t hand it out—I grow it.

They assumed your trust was automatic. Now they realize they’re under evaluation—and it makes them squirm.

Question 25

What do you say when someone says, 'You need too much.'?

Answer 25

I need deeply, and that’s not a flaw. It’s intimacy with standards. ## Footnote They wanted to coast through shallow connection. You asked them to show up fully—and they’re not used to being held to that.

Question 26

What do you say when someone says, 'You get close, then you push me away.'?

Answer 26

I open slowly. Sometimes my heart flinches before it stretches. That’s not rejection—it’s recalibration. ## Footnote They expected smooth access. Instead, they’re hitting spiritual firewalls they don’t have the code to bypass.

Question 27

What do you say when someone claims, 'You overthink everything.'?

Answer 27

My brain protects me. My thoughts track patterns yours haven’t noticed yet. ## Footnote You see too much. They were hoping to hide behind charm, but your mind cuts through it like a blade.

Question 28

What do you say when someone says, 'You’re hard to love.'?

Answer 28

I’m hard to manipulate. Not the same thing. ## Footnote They weren’t trying to love you—they were trying to manage you. You made that impossible.

Question 29

What do you say when someone asks, 'Just pick a side—do you want connection or space?'

Answer 29

I want connection that respects space. That’s not confusion—it’s mastery. ## Footnote They can’t box you in. Your need for nuance short-circuits their black-and-white worldview.

Question 30

What do you say when someone claims, 'You make things more complicated than they need to be.'?

Answer 30

Because I see things more deeply than they appear to be. ## Footnote You’re mirroring their own emotional laziness. They hate how your complexity forces them to slow down and think.

Question 31

What do you say when someone suggests, 'You should work on being more secure.'?

Answer 31

I’m working on being more me. And secure doesn’t mean smaller. ## Footnote They don’t want you healed—they want you easier to handle. You refused their comfort script.