12 steps Flashcards
CARD 1: “Would you say you’re powerless over substances?”
Avoidant Response:
“That’s not how I’d phrase it. I’d say substances interfered with my clarity, and I’ve taken steps to correct that.”
Anxious Truth:
“If I say yes, they’ll mark me as broken. If I say no, I’m ‘in denial.’ So I say something that sounds true and non-threatening.”
Why it pisses them off:
You dodge the sacred vocabulary. Without the word “powerless” you don’t qualify for the rest of the script. You’ve cracked their Step One code.
CARD 2: “Has your life become unmanageable?”
Avoidant Response:
“I think life had moments of overload. I’m learning new ways to manage intensity.”
Anxious Truth:
“If I say unmanageable, they’ll act like I’m unsafe. But if I say I’ve got it under control, they’ll call me resistant.”
Why it pisses them off:
You’re skating between vulnerability and refusal. They don’t know where to stick the label—so they call you guarded.
CARD 3: “Do you believe in a higher power?”
Avoidant Response:
“I believe in energy, intuition, and a larger intelligence that guides us when we listen.”
Anxious Truth:
“I do believe… just not in the version they want me to believe in. So I talk like a mystic so they won’t corner me.”
Why it pisses them off:
You won’t name a church-sanctioned God. You spiritualize instead of submitting. They hear ‘control issues,’ but really—it’s sovereignty.
CARD 4: “Are you willing to turn your will over to something greater?”
Avoidant Response:
“My will and I are on speaking terms again. I listen more now. I don’t see myself handing it over—I’m integrating it.”
Anxious Truth:
“I used to give up my will all the time. That’s how I got hurt. Never again.”
Why it pisses them off:
They want a yes to gauge humility. You give poetry. It sounds enlightened, but to them, it’s rebellion in disguise.
CARD 5: “Have you done a moral inventory?”
Avoidant Response: “I track patterns. I’ve mapped the impact of my decisions—good and bad.”
Anxious Truth: “Inventory means shame dump. I’ll do it alone, not perform it.”
Why it pisses them off: You systematize what they want you to bleed out.
CARD 6: “Are you ready to have your defects removed?”
Avoidant Response: “I don’t frame them as defects—more like traits I’m learning to wield wisely.”
Anxious Truth: “Calling parts of me ‘defects’ invites rejection.”
Why it pisses them off: You won’t self-flagellate. They think you’re proud.
CARD 7: “Have you asked your higher power to remove them?”
Avoidant Response: “I ask for clarity. I still choose the action.”
Anxious Truth: “I’m afraid if I let go of these traits, I’ll be vulnerable again.”
Why it pisses them off: You keep authority. You don’t ask permission—they hate that.
CARD 8: “Have you made a list of those you’ve harmed?”
Avoidant Response: “I keep a quiet account. I know who’s owed truth or space.”
Anxious Truth: “If I list names, I risk reopening wounds I barely survived.”
Why it pisses them off: You keep it private. They want spectacle. You give silence.
CARD 9: “Have you made amends to them?”
Avoidant Response: “Where appropriate, yes. Where reentry would cause harm, I let healing happen at a distance.”
Anxious Truth: “I don’t owe access to people just because I’ve grown.”
Why it pisses them off: You don’t believe guilt equals obligation. They run on guilt.
CARD 10: “Do you continue to take inventory?”
Avoidant Response: “Reflection is daily practice. I self-correct in real time.”
Anxious Truth: “If I admit new wrongs, they’ll say I haven’t changed.”
Why it pisses them off: You do the step… but refuse the ritual.
CARD 11: “Do you seek conscious contact with your higher power?”
Avoidant Response: “My connection is internal. I don’t announce it—I live it.”
Anxious Truth: “If I say I’m spiritual and not religious, they’ll dismiss me.”
Why it pisses them off: You made God invisible. They prefer something they can measure.
CARD 12: “Do you carry this message to others in recovery?”
Avoidant Response: “I live in a way that might inspire others, but I don’t evangelize.”
Anxious Truth: “If I share the program, it feels like I’ve sworn allegiance. I haven’t.”
Why it pisses them off: You don’t recruit. You evolve—and that’s not their model.
