Chapter 5

Question 1

What is the ‘talk table’?

Answer 1

A procedures that allow researchers to get a record of both your private thoughts and your public actions. If you’re currently unhappy with your relationship you may not intend to annoy or belittle your lover- but you’re likely to do so.

Question 2

________ where the sender’s intentions differ from the effect on the receiver.

Answer 2

Interpersonal gap.

Question 3

When are interpersonal gaps most likely to occur?

Answer 3

In close relationships rather than among strangers. We don’t expect to be on different pages with a friend so don’t check in as much

Question 4

5 things that non-verbal behaviour serves in our transactions w others.

Answer 4

1. Provides info about ppls moods/meanings
2. Regulating interaction- tells you when the convo ends and starts and to know when to take turns
3. Define the relationships- you act differently with ppl you are close with c/w ppl you just met
4. Interpersonal influence- goal-oriented behaviour designed to influence the person (eg. touching a person’s arm)
5. Impression management- used to create/enhance an image (eg. holding hands to appear like a couple didn’t just fight)

Question 5

Cultural norms that dictate what emotions are appropriate in particular situations.

Answer 5

Display rules

Question 6

What are 4 ways we try to modify our expressions of emotion to follow the display rules?

Answer 6

1. Intensify- so ppl think we’re experiencing stronger emotions than we are.
2. Minimize- eg. men being sad in W culture
3. Neutralize- poker plays
4. Mask- replacing

Question 7

What happens if we mask our emotions?

Answer 7

We will often flash a microexpression- which is the authentic feeling you are trying to hide. Show the feeling for a split sec

Question 8

What ratio do regular ppl make eye contact with? What about for if they’re high power?

Answer 8

normal= listen 60:40 speaking

Visual dominance ratio* term is listening 40: 60 speaking

Question 9

What is one problem with facial expressions vs gestures?

Answer 9

Gestures vary culture to culture

Question 10

What are body language differences seen in low or high lvl ppl?

Answer 10

High lvl often are open and are asymmetrical. VV for low status

Question 11

How accurate is a person’s ‘gaydar’?

Answer 11

10sec video: we are 72% correct. see male face for .5 of a sec and can say w 60% accuracy

Question 12

What is an intimate zone?

Answer 12

An interpersonal distance that extends out from the front of our chests about 1.5ft. if in this distance the interaction is either hostile or intimate.

Question 13

What is a personal zone?

Answer 13

1.5 to 4ft friends interactions, maybe acquaintances

Question 14

What is the social zone?

Answer 14

4-12ft more business like interactions. eg. sitting across a desk

Question 15

What is the public zone?

Answer 15

12+ ft much more formal. eg. instructor and students

Question 16

Term that includes all of the variations in a person’s voice. PItch, loudness, rhythm

Answer 16

Paralanguage

Question 17

If you’re enjoying an interaction, what do people tend to do with their nonverbal behaviour?

Answer 17

Mimicry: hey tend to synchronize with the other person automatically.

Question 18

Are women or men better at reading other’s nonverbal communication? Why?

Answer 18

Women. B/c they watch ppl’s eyes more

Question 19

The process of revealing personal info to someone is called:

Answer 19

Self-disclosure. It is one of the defining characteristics of intimacy.

Question 20

A theory that hold that relationships develop through systematic changes in communication.

Answer 20

Social penetration theory.

Question 21

What would a diagram of a relationship look like according to social penetration theory?

Answer 21

The beginning there would be a very small wedge- you would just be touching the superficial lvl. But as time goes by- the wedge will be closer to the centre. Ppl are reciprical about how much they disclose based off of another person’s amount of disclosure.

Question 22

What is the model that speaks about genuine intimacy only developing b/w 2 ppl when certain conditions have been met?

Answer 22

Interpersonal process model of intimacy

Question 23

Interpersonal process model of intimacy

Answer 23

model that speaks about genuine intimacy only developing b/w 2 ppl when certain conditions have been met. We expect responsiveness from others that indicates they’re understanding etc.

Question 24

The judgment that one’s partner is understanding and caring- key to the ongoing process for intimacy to develop.

Answer 24

Perceived partner responsiveness

Question 25

What is the most common taboo topic in relationships?

Answer 25

68%- The state of the relationship now or in the future

Question 26

If partners don’t talk about their relationship in the future what do they do?

Answer 26

They create secret tests of their lover’s fidelity and devotion- watching closely when they speak to attractive ppl etc. (triangle test) contrive difficulties the lover must overcome (endurance test) or be apart to see how stoked they are to see them again (separation test)

Question 27

Can you tell women and men apart when talking?

Answer 27

Only if they are talking to their own gender. Men talk about objects and less personal things, women talk about personal things and are more intimate.

Question 28

Are women and men the same in self-disclosure?

Answer 28

Women share more in general- however men share more only with their female partner. This means that men depend more on their female partner for emotional support than VV.
But this is for instrumental men aka ‘macho’ men.

Question 29

Term that is the difference b.w how ppl verbalize their feelings.

Answer 29

Blirtatiousness- a person talking lots without a filter vs. not

Question 30

When ppl tend to address several topics at once. Often causes the primary concern to get lost in the barrage of frustrations.

Answer 30

Kitchen sinking

Question 31

When conversations wander from topic to topic so the convo never stays on one problem long enough to resolve it.

Answer 31

Off-beam

Question 32

When people assume they understand their partner’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions without asking.

Answer 32

Mind-reading. Ppl will also often interrupt more.

Question 33

3 things that unhappy couples often display/do.

Answer 33

1. They do a poor job of saying what they mean (kitchen sinking and off-beam)
2. They do a poor job of hearing each other (mindreading, interrupt, yes-butting, cross complaining)
3. Negative affect- often react with sarcasm etc. (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, belligerence)

Question 34

When a partner listens poorly by finding something wrong or unworkable with whatever their partner says. Communicating constant criticism of the other’s POV.

Answer 34

yes-butting.

Question 35

Failing to acknowledge other’s concerns- instead of expressing interest in what the person is saying, you just respond with another negative thing.

Answer 35

Cross-complaining.

Question 36

What often happens with criticism in a fight?

Answer 36

It’s not specific to this one thing- it attacks the person’s personality or character instead of a behaviour.

Question 37

What is a partner’s response often when a partner shows contempt (insults, mockery of hostile humour)

Answer 37

Defensiveness- looking to protect oneself.

Question 38

When a person withdraws into a stony silence.

Answer 38

Stonewalling

Question 39

When one partner aggressively rejects the other altogether.

Answer 39

Belligerence.

Question 40

Instead of throwing your partner with these very broad complaints about who they are what is a good way to handle a problem?

Answer 40

Behaviour description- identify as plainly and concretely as possible a specific behaviour that annoys us. Don’t use always or never!

Question 41

3 ways to improve communication.

Answer 41

1. Behaviour description
2. I statements
3. XYZ statements. When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z.

Question 42

2 vital tasks when we’re on the receiving end of other’s messages.

Answer 42

1. Accurately understand what our partners are trying to say.
2. Communicate that attention and comprehension to our partners so that they know we care about what they’ve said.
   ACTIVE LISTENING.

Question 43

What is the opposite of mind reading?

Answer 43

Perception checking.

Question 44

What is an important thing to do to make disagreements much more tolerable?

Answer 44

Validation- acknowledging the legitimacy of their opinions.