Chapter 14 Flashcards
Does our society train men to be good LT partners?
No- the styles of behaviour we expect of them as a society (assertive and self-reliant) do not encourage them to be warm and tender
How do ppl w low SE act in rs?
They sometimes sabotage their own rs by making mountains out of mole holes
3 features that are influential for if a rs will even begin.
- Proximity
- Familiarity
- Convenience
Do looks matter?
Yes- lot of ppl will pass you by without wanting to get to know you
How many of us aren’t comfortable and relaxed with interdependent theory?
1/3! that many of us worry that our partners don’t love us enough or we are ill at east when they get too close.
How many men are just as warm and tender as women are?
1/3. those that aren’t CAN learn to be more expressive and warmer than they are now.
How do happy lovers act?
They perceive their partners and explain their behaviour in generous ways that give the partners the benefit of any doubt and portray them as kind and caring even with they misbehave.
When passion decreases in a happy rs what is it replaced with?
A deep, affecionate friendship that is rich warm and satisfying to those who experience it.
Who does authentic forgiveness benefit?
Both the recipient and the giver- it is easiest to attain in those close, satisfying rs that are most worth saving.
_________ the strategic actions ppl take to systain their partnerships.
Relationship maintenance mechanisms
How do ppl who are committed to a partnership behave?
They perceive themselves, their prtnrs and their rs in ways that help to sustain the partnership and they act in ways that avoid or defuse conflict and that enrich the rs.
______ is the change seen in rs where ppl don’t think of themselves as sep. ind but as a part of a greater whole that includes them and their partners- they perceive a greater overlap b/w their partners’ lives and theirs.
Cognitive interdepence
_______ is when committed partners idealize each other and perceive their rs in the best possible light. A partner’s faults are judged to be trivial and the rs deficies are considered to be relatively unimportant.
Positive illusions
What is a character that makes up positive illusions?
ppl are often aware of these specific obnoxious and thoughtless things their partner does- but they misremember them and explain them away- this allows them to make global evaluations of their partner that are more positive than the sum of their parts.
positive illusion that makes one’s partnership seem to be even more special. this makes the rs that much more likely to last
perceived superiority
Contented lovers display ______ that leaves them relatively uninterested and unaware pf how well they could be doing in other rs.
Inattention to alternatives
Commitment leads ppl to disparge those who could lure them away from their existing rs and this ___________ allows ppl to feel that other potential partners are less attractive than the ones they already have.
Derogation of tempting alternatives
When is derogation of tempting alternatives the strongest?
When the alternatives are most tempting and therefore post the greatest threat to one’s rs. eg. say models are attractive- but not other students from class.
5 cognitive maintenance mechanisms in good rs.
- Cognitive interdependence
- Positive illusions
- Perceived superiority
- Inattention to alternatives
- Derogation of tempting alternatives
Committed ppl are often willing to make various personal sacrifices such as doing things they would prefer not to do- or not doing thats that they would like to do in order to promote the WB of their partner or rs.
Willingness to sacrifice
How does prayer influence rs?
Controlled studies found that those who begin praying for the success and WB of their partners become more satisfied with the sacrifices they make and more forgininh too. Those who pray for their partners are more satisfied and committed too.
When are partners encourage us to be all that we can be by supporting the dev. of skills we want to learn, endorsing our acceptance of promising new roles and responsibilities- both our rs and our personal WB are enhanced.
Michelangelo phenomenon.
Committed partners swallow minor mistreatment from their partners without biting back. This is the willingness to control the impulse to respond in kind to a partner’s provocation and to instead respond constructively.
Accommodation
The ability to manage one’s impulses, control one’s thoughts, persevere in pursuit of desired goals and curb unwanted behaviour.
Self-control