Chapter 11 Conflict Flashcards
Interpersonal conflict can result whenever …
one person’s motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, or behavior interfere with, or are incompatible with, those of another.
Conflict occurs when …
one’s wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else, that is, when one partner has to give up doing something that he or she wants
because of the other partner’s influence
Conflict is inescapable for two reasons …
First, the moods and preferences of any two people will occasionally differ
Second, conflict is unavoidable because there are certain tensions that are woven into the fabric of close relationships that will, sooner or later, always cause some strain.
These are opposing motivations, or DIALECTICS,
that can never be completely satisfied because they contradict each other
one potent dialectic in close relationships is the continual tension between _____ autonomy and ____ to others.
personal
connection
Another powerful dialectic is the tension between ____ and ____.
openness
closedness
Another powerful dialectic is between _____ and ____.
stability
change
Finally, there’s dialectic tension between ____ with and ____ from one’s social network.
integration
separation
The amount of conflict people encounter is linked to what 7 things:
Personality: people high in neuroticism have more conflicts; people high in agreeableness have fewer
Attachment style: secure people encounter fewer conflicts, and manage them better when they do occur,
than insecure people do
Stage of life: older couples have fewer conflicts than younger couples do
Similarity: the less similar partners are, the more conflict they experience
Stress: the more stress two partners experience, the more likely they encounter conflict
Sleep: Partners sleep poorly after a conflict, leaving them grumpy and irritable, and this leads to more conflict
Alcohol: intoxication exacerbates conflict; adding alcohol to a frustrating disagreement is a bit like adding fuel to a fire
couples may disagree about almost any issue. true or false?
true
those who are parents disagree more about how to manage, discipline, and care for their children—and when—than about anything else. true or false?
true
Four different types of events cause most conflicts:
CRITICISM involves verbal or nonverbal acts that communicate unfair dissatisfaction or that seem unjustly critical
ILLEGITIMATE demands are requests that are excessive and that seem unjust
REBUFFS occur when one appeals for a desired reaction
CUMULATIVE annoyances are relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition
An intriguing example of cumulative annoyances is
social allergies which occur when…
small recurring nuisances gradually come to cause
strong reactions of disgust and exasperation that are out of proportion to the offense
Misunderstanding may occur if partners fail to appreciate that each of them has his or her own point of view. true or false?
true
attributional conflict
fighting over whose explanation is right and whose account is wrong.
Two partners’ explanations for events are routinely somewhat different, and conflict can result
when any conflict occurs, the explanations with which intimate partners account for the frustrations they encounter have a huge influence on how dis-tressed they feel and how angrily they respond. true or false?
true
“expressing anger while you feel angry nearly always makes you feel angrier” . true or false?
true
First, we can think differently.
Second, if you do get angry, chill out.
Finally, find humor where you can.
When an instigating event occurs, the partners may ____ the issue or ____ the issue and let it drop
address
avoid
Avoidance occurs only when both partners wish to evade the issue. true or false?
true
If the issue is engaged and conflict begins, ____ and rational problem solving may follow
in other cases, ____ occurs and the conflict heats up
negotiation
escalation
Direct actions explicitly challenge one’s partner that include:
Accusations
Hostile commands and threats
Antagonistic questions
Surly and sarcastic put-downs
Indirect actions are more veiled and implicit that include:
Condescension
Dysphoric affect
Evasion
Surly conflict becomes especially fractious when
the partners fall into a pattern of negative affect reciprocity in which ….
they trade escalating provocations back and forth
People with secure attachment styles experience milder physiological responses to conflict than insecure people do. true or false?
true
the demand/withdraw pattern is where …
“one partner engages in demanding forms of behavior, such as complaints, criticisms, and pressures for changes, while the other partner engages in withdrawing forms of behavior, such as half-hearted involvement, changing the topic, avoiding discussion, or even walking away”
