Chapter 10 Stresses and Strains Flashcards by Kaitlin Chase

relational value

the degree to which others consider their relationships with us to be valuable and important

When our relational value is high, others value our company and prioritize their partnerships with us, and we feel appreciated and respected

when our relational value is low, others do not seek us out or choose us for their teams, and they’re not much interested in who we are and what we have to say; so, we feel unwanted.

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maximal inclusion

the strongest possible acceptance - may be pretty rare

Others are eager to be with us, and if they want to host a party (for instance), they’ll change the date or just cancel if we can’t come; we are that important to them.

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active inclusion

occurs when others make sure to invite us to their parties and are disappointed if we can’t come, but have the parties anyway if we’re unavailable. We’re important to them, but not so important that they can’t go on without us.

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passive inclusion

when others don’t invite us to their parties but are content to let us in the door if we hear about the gatherings and just show up; they don’t dislike us and it’s nice to see us, but we’re a low priority for them, and we can join their parties only when there’s room.

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ambivalence

occurs when others are neither accepting nor rejecting; they genuinely don’t care one way or the other whether we show up or not.

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passive exclusion

when others ignore us and wish we were elsewhere

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active exclusion

when others go out of their way to avoid us altogether

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maximal exclusion

when others order us to leave their parties when they find us there. In such instances, merely avoiding us won’t do; they want us gone.

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unrequited love

to be accepted and liked by others but be hurt because they don’t like us as much as we want them to.

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perceived relational value

the apparent importance that others attach to their relationships with us

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Maximal exclusion does not hurt much more than simple ambivalence does. true or false?

true

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once we find that others don’t want us around, it hardly matters whether they dislike us a little or a lot: Our momentary judgments of our self-worth bottom out when people reject us to any extent. true or false?

true

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We are more sensitive to ____ changes in acceptance from others that indicate just how much they like us

small

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Self-esteem _____ sharply with increasing acceptance from others, but any rejection at all causes our self-esteem to _____ _____

increases

bottom out

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relational devaluation

apparent decreases in others’ regard for us

they go from liking us to not

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Hurt feelings have much in common with real ___

pain

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______ reduces the pain of social rejection just as it does a headache

pain reliever acetaminophen

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ostracism

in which people are given the “cold shoulder” and ignored by those around them.

ostracism often leaves its targets wondering why they are being ignored.

our initial reactions to such threats usually involve confused, unhappy disarray

people with high self-esteem are relatively unlikely to put up with it.

Ostracizers usually justify their actions as an effective way to punish their partners, to avoid confrontation, or to calm down and cool off following a conflict, and they usually believe that the ostracism was beneficial in helping them achieve their goals

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When ______ is threatened, people who are being ostracized may work hard to regain their partners’ regard, being compliant and doing what their tormentors want or they may seek new friends

belongingness

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When ostracized people get _____, they dismiss the opinions of those who are ignoring them as unfounded, unfair, and dim-witted, and they become more surly and aggressive

angry

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instances of ostracism or romantic rejection precede most of the awful cases in which students take ____ to school and ____ innocent classmates

guns

shoot

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Careful studies of ostracism using ______
have found that rejection is painful
even when it comes from a computer program
or from groups we dislike and don’t want to join

cyberballs

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Jealousy is …

is the unhappy combination of hurt, anger, and fear

that occurs when people face the potential loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival

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Reactive jealousy

occurs when someone becomes aware of an actual threat to a valued relationship

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suspicious jealousy

occurs when one’s partner hasn’t misbehaved and one’s suspicions do not fit the facts at hand

Individual differences in susceptibility to jealousy are related to:

Dependence on a relationship Feelings of inadequacy in a relationship They need their partners but worry that they’re not good enough to keep them.

men and women do not differ in their jealous tendencies. true or false?

true

______ people experience more jealousy than do those with the other three styles

preoccupied

which attachment style is least affected when a relationship is threatened are typically those with a dismissing style of attachment.

dismissing style of attachment

People who are high in _____, who tend to worry about a lot of things, are particularly prone to jealousy in comparison to agreeable people.

neuroticism

who gets us jealous?

Rivals who make us look bad by comparison, for instance, by being very attractive, are particularly worrisome

men are more jealous of...

other men who are self-confident, dominant, assertive, and rich than they are of rivals who are simply very handsome

_______ competitors evoke more jealousy in both men and women than homely rivals do

attractive

This perspective thus suggests that because it offered reproductive advantages in the past, jealousy is now a natural, ingrained reaction that is hard to avoid. true or false?

true

men and women should be especially sensitive to different sorts of infidelity in their romantic partners. true or false?

true

men should be especially threatened by | sexual infidelity because they face the problem of ____ ______

paternity uncertainty

For women, the greater risk may be that a mate will withdraw his protective resources and transfer them to another mate. Thus, women should be especially threatened by ____ ______

emotional infidelity

mate poaching

behavior that is in-tended to lure someone away from an existing relationship at least for one night

When they are trying to entice someone else’s mate, women ..... and men ....

advertise their good looks and sexual availability, publicize their power and their willingness to provide their lovers desirable resources

regions of the brain controlling sex and aggression are more active in men when they think about sexual infidelity than when they imagine emotional infidelity, but no such difference appears in women. true or false?

true

(And which kind of rival is worse? finding out they cheated with someone of opposite sex or same sex?

Someone of a different sex from one’s partner.

gays, lesbians, and bisexuals suffer the same upset to either sexual or emotional infidelity; only heterosexual men and women differ in their judgments of the two types of injury. true or false?

true

When they become jealous, people who are relatively comfortable with closeness—those with ___ or _____ attachment styles—are more likely to express their concerns and to try to repair their relationships than are those with more avoidant styles

secure preoccupied

When they confront cheating partners, men are more likely to ask if sex has occurred, whereas women more often want to know if their partners have fallen in love with the rival. true or false?

true

____ react to a rival’s interference by seeking to improve the relationship, whereas ____ strive to protect their egos

women | men

We react ______ when we behave as if our self-worth | depends entirely on a particular partnership

irrationally

Deception

is intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue OUTRIGHT LYING people may simply CONCEAL INFO and not mention details that would communicate the truth they may DIVERT ATTENTION from vital facts, abruptly changing topics to avoid the discussion of touchy subjects. they may mix truthful and deceptive information into HALF-TRUTHS that are misleading.

Most lies are.______ but people also tell many lies that are intended to benefit others

self-serving

Benevolent lies are especially common in _______ _____, and we tell fewer lies to our _____ than to more casual acquaintances

close relationships intimates

deceiver’s distrust

When people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result.

Those of us with ____ attachment styles, for instance, tell more lies than secure people do

insecure

When people tell lies that are important or dangerous, they produce ____ scripts, but they tend to be more suspicious and transparent when they deliver the lies

better

people are more animated when they’re telling the truth than when they’re lying and preoccupied, trying to keep their story straight and working hard to seem sincere. true or false?

true

careful attention to what people are saying—not just how they are saying it—can alert us to inconsistencies in their statements, and there may be discrepancies between their verbal and nonverbal behavior that give them away. true or false?

true

Lying is usually apparent in _____ in a person’s ordinary demeanor, but to notice those changes, one may need some prior familiarity with the person’s style

changes

truth bias

in which they assume that their partners are usually telling the truth

betrayals

disagreeable, hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect such treachery Sexual and emotional infidelity and lying are com-mon examples of betrayal, but any behavior that violates the norms of benevolence, loyalty, respect, and trustworthiness that support intimate relationships may be considered treasonous to some degree. Perceived betrayals sometimes occur when people have the best intentions but simply cannot honor all of the overlapping and competing demands that intimacy and interdependency may make

betrayal is less frequent among those who are older, better educated, and religious. true or false?

true

____ are more likely to betray their romantic partners and business associates, whereas ____ betray their friends and family members more often

men | women

Those who betray their intimate partners usually underestimate the harm they do and those betrayed judge the betrayal more severe than the one who did the betrayal. true or false?

true

Betrayers often consider their behavior to be inconsequential and innocuous, and they are quick to describe mitigating circumstances that vindicate their actions. true or false?

true

The perpetrator and the victim rarely agree on the amount of retribution that’s just when it comes to revenge and we routinely expect revenge to be more satisfying than it turns out to be. and people who are prone to vengeance tend to be pretty sour folks who are high in neuroticism, low in agreeableness, and generally less happy with life than those of us who are less vengeful true or false?

true

Forgiveness is ...

“a decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you”

____ and agreeable people are more forgiving | than _____ and less agreeable people are

secure | insecure

Neuroticism ____ forgiveness, | but self-control ___ it

impedes | promotes

forgiveness occurs more readily in the following circumstances:

The offender is genuinely contrite and apologetic The victim is able to empathize with the offender and grasp how guilty he or she is The victim stops ruminating about the offense

forgiveness can protect the relationships in which it occurs. true or false?

true

people who are able to forgive their intimate partners usually enjoy more personal well-being—that is, more self-esteem, less hostility, less distress and tension, and more satisfaction with life—than do those from whom forgiveness is less forthcoming. true or false?

true

forgiveness has _____ Forgiveness is advantageous when a partner misbehaves rarely and deserves to be forgiven, but it can actually be detrimental, eroding your self-respect and delaying any resolution to your problems when your partner is unrepentant.

limits