Week 4 Study Guide Flashcards
What is non-violent communication?
An empathetic connection can bring clients out, helping them acknowledge their feelings and needs, leading to a deeper awareness for the client and a more connected coaching relationship.
What is empathy?
respectful understanding of another person’s experience, including their feelings, needs and desires.
What are the four important distinctions for expressing empathy?
Make observations, not evaluations - limit descriptions to what can be perceived by the five senses to stave off tendency to judge, exaggerate, interpret, generalize, catastrophize, assume, or criticize.
Example:
Evaluation: “I failed to journal last week like I wanted.”
Observation: “I journaled one time last week.”
Express feelings, not thoughts - Thoughts can masquerade as feelings and are not useful in expressing empathy. If you can substitute “I feel” with “I think” and the phrase still works, it’s a thought, not an emotion.
Example:
Thoughts: “I feel that nothing is going to change.” Emotion: “I feel frustrated.”
Identify needs, not strategies - all human beings share the same universal needs and behind every negative emotion lies an unmet universal need.
Example:
Strategy: “I need you to copy me on every email.” Universal need: “I need some transparency.”
Make requests, not demands - requests are invitations for the other person to meet our needs, but only if it isn’t in conflict with one of their needs.
Make it specific - spell out the concrete behaviors. Say what you want versus what you don’t want.
Stay curious
Example:
Demand: “I request you be more respectful.”
Request: “I request that you arrive at our meetings on time.”
What are generative moments?
At their best, generative moments spark the intuitive dance of coaching and require the use of every coaching skill and tool dynamically in the moment.
What are examples?
Radiate compassion - safety and a strong sense of support are preconditions for success in all coaching session. Express empathy - empathy uses both emotional and cognitive awareness to connect with and give voice to what
clients are feeling, needing, and desiring.
Mindful listening - helps break free from autopilot, requires presence to maintain a trust-building and growth-
promoting relationship
Evocative inquiry - the more coaches navigate with open-minded curiosity, especially with regard to a client’s
strengths and capacities, the more clients will discover about themselves and where they want to go.
Open-ended inquiry - inquiry that evokes stories and images has far more power to generate an upward spiral than
does inquiry that leads to short, analytical answers.
Perceptive reflections - asking too many questions in a row, even if they are great questions, can make the session
feel like an interrogation and compromise the generative moment. Using reflections shows engagement of the coach
and connection with the client.
Honoring silence - in response to empathy, inquiry, and reflections, clients need to pause to think, feel, or connect
with their truth.
c Creative brainstorming - brainstorming is essential to coaching, especially in generative moments. With increased
motivation to change comes increased interest in specific change strategies
Unfailing affirmation - steadfast acknowledging the client’s capacities, characteristics, and strengths for change to
boost client efficacy and self-compassion.
