Week 10 - Attachment and Love Flashcards

Question

The Gottmans’ Love Lab

Answer 1

Studied thousands of married couples and can now predict relationship success with 91% accuracy! They have a “Love Lab” and ask couples to engage in a 15-minute conversation. The Magic Ratio is 5 positive interactions to 1 negative interaction. Healthy = 5:1 Unhealthy = 1:1

Answer 2

1 - Criticism – verbal attacks of personality or character. “You always talk about yourself. Why are you so selfish?” 2 - Defensiveness – victimizing yourself to avoid attack and reverse blame “It’s not my fault we’re late. It’s your fault because you always get ready at the last second. “ 3 - Contempt – attacking sense of self with an intent to insult “You forgot to load the dishwasher again. Ugh. You are so lazy. (rolls eyes)” 4 - Stonewalling – withdrawing to avoid conflict and convey disapproval

Answer 3

Gottman’s “Sound relationship house” theory has guided his work His theory led to the notion that sharing appreciation honours partner’ contributions ◦ ---The partner receives appreciation positively ----Appreciation prevents contempt The Takeaway? Say thanks to your partner. Thanks for taking out the garbage. Thanks for making coffee. Thanks for your big contribution

Answer 4

Less desire for avoidance; less desire to harm or seek revenge Increased desire to act positively

Answer 5

defined forgiveness as “a willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who unjustly hurt us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity, and even love toward him or her” crucial that the forgiving person develop a benevolent stance toward the transgressing person

Answer 6

Cognitive-affective transformation Victim assesses the harm Victim “cancels the debt” Victim cancels the negative emotions Individual removes him/herself from the victim role

Answer 7

To a search for meaning or understanding of what happened to them. there is typically a rampage of negative emotions—hurt, fear, and anger. At this time, the partners may swing from numbness to very bad feelings

Answer 8

the partners search desperately to comprehend why the affair happened

Answer 9

Last, the couple slowly begins to recapture a sense of control over their lives; a major goal in this stage is to keep the affair from ruling every waking thought of these two people

Answer 10

Requires perspective taking and empathy Gordon and colleagues (2004, 2005) therapy experiences with couples dealing with forgiveness as a result of infidelities Promote a realistic appraisal of the relationship Release negative affect/rumination toward the violating partner Help the victimized partner lessen their desire to punish Sell (2016) studied intentional forgetting More likely to forgive Parallels to stages of psychological trauma Impact to search for meaning to recovery

Answer 11

Required when feeling shame or guilt Shame: I am bad Guilt: I did something bad To correct for such guilt, some sort of reparative action is warranted, such as confessing or apologizing

Answer 12

Recognition - refers to the awareness of the individual that self-forgiveness is justified. Responsibility - the stage of responsibility is a basic “owning” of the transgressions the individual feels they have committed Expression- an active emotion-approach stage in which the individual works on expressing the emotions related to the incident and dialogs about these feelings. Recreating - helps individuals create a new self-image that acknowledges the past but looks toward and informs the future

Answer 13

Forgiveness can be applied to non-people Example: tornadoes Stop thoughts about negative life events and look ahead toward future Research examining forgiveness of abusive partner (Gordon et al., 2004) showed that forgiveness led to returning to the violent situation Forgiveness doesn’t always lead to positive outcomes! Maladaptive behavior from self-forgiveness Smokers forgave themselves for smoking – they continued to smoke! (Wohl & Thompson, 2011)

Answer 14

First, by necessity, forgiveness involves a person’s sense of self because it is this source that is damaged during transgression by another. Injury to the self is registered via sensorimotor input, and this input is mediated by the limbic system, the sympathetic nervous system, and the hypothalamus Third, initiation of the reconciliation process by the person transgressed against involves activation of the temporal, parietal, and frontal lobes, along with limbic system input. Some research suggests that the ventromedial prefrontal cortex plays a key role when deciding to forgive a deception the actual outward direction of the forgiveness occurs through the limbic system and is associated with positive emotions.

Answer 15

There may be differences in defining forgiveness Pardoning or moving on (Ballester et al., 2009) Might be developmental process The older you are, the more likely you are to forgive (Steiner et al., 2011, 2012) Harmony can dictate forgiveness Collectivist norms dictate forgiveness, even in situations where Westerners would be unlikely to forgive (Paz et al., 2008) Religiosity; varies by culture In religions, ‘forgive and forget’ go hand in hand In psychology, that’s not true. We can forgive without reconciliation (Frise & McMinn, 2010)

Answer 16

Less rumination, less depression, less narcissistic entitlement More longevity Satisfaction and relationship maintenance Final note: forgiveness has many benefits, but consequences may not always be positive. We are cautioned to look carefully at the situation before employing forgiveness strategies. those who forgive are said to be less ruminative, are less depressed, and possess less narcissistic entitlement longevity is also associated with practicing forgiveness, as is satisfaction within relationships consequences of forgiveness may not always be positive