Scene 13: Cinderella (pg. 69-83)

Question 1

Narrator 1: Yeah I think that’s pretty much it.

Answer 1

I gotta say we haven’t really done all of them that are in this book.

Question 2

Narrator 1: We’ve done the important ones.

Answer 2

Yeah.

Question 3

Cinderella: Ahem.

Answer 3

What?

Question 4

Narrator 1: Don’t think so.

Answer 4

I think we’ve got all the famous ones. I mean, there’s a whole bunch of stories about foxes, but who wants to hear those?

Question 5

Narrator 1: I hate foxes.

Answer 5

And some other talking animals and some giants and a whole bunch with random peasants cheating the Devil out of things, but- Oh.

Question 6

Cinderella: Thank you.

Answer 6

There was a little orphan girl.

Question 7

Cinderella: What?

Answer 7

Well I guess we can skip it then.

Question 8

Cinderella: No, we are not skipping it.

Answer 8

How many actors do we have left?

Question 9

Cinderella: Oh how sad. Life. So sad.

Answer 9

Okay, so, her mother died and her father remarried-

Question 10

Cinderella: Mother? Where are you mother? Are you dead?

Answer 10

And the woman he married was beautiful of face but black of heart.

Question 11

Cinderella: Oh this new mother of mine is such a witch.

Answer 11

Um…she’s not actually a witch-

Question 12

Cinderella: Why must I sleep near the fireplace for warmth? Why must I calean the house? Why, mother, why?

Answer 12

Probably because she was annoying.

Question 13

Cinderella: I shall spread these cinders upon myself to keep me warm. Ah, they’re hot! Ow!

Answer 13

So they called her Cinderella. Now, Cinderella’s step-mother had two daughters, both equally beautiful-

Question 14

Cinderella: I’m sorry. I think you’ve got that wrong. I’m the pretty one. They’re quite hideous.

Answer 14

Says here they’re beautiful too.

Question 15

Cinderella: I suppose. I’m going to need a lot of makeup.

Answer 15

So, being the good girl that she was-

Question 16

Cinderella: I’m so good.

Answer 16

Cinderella dressed both her sisters for the ball.

Question 17

Cinderella: …I shall now cry myself to sleep as I do every night.

Answer 17

I think she thinks the Oscar committee is watching. But just then, her wicked stepmother entered.

Question 18

Wicked Stepmother: …Oh, it goes all right at first, but then he notices you have bad breath because you haven’t been flossing for the past seven years and he faints, the entire kingdom is in jeopardy-

Answer 18

Just then, one of Cinderella’s step-sisters, Jiselle, entered.

Question 19

Wicked Stepsister 2: Thank you I will.

Answer 19

But then, from the other side of the room, Cinderella’s other Wicked Stepsister entered.

Question 20

Wicked Stepmother: …You both need to exit right now without saying anything else.

Answer 20

And so…they left.

Question 21

Wicked Stepmother: …I am going to empty an entire dish of lentils into the fireplace, and once you have picked them all out, you may go to the ball with us.

Answer 21

And with that, she dumped a dish of lentils into the fireplace like she said she was going to do.

Question 22

Cinderella: What are lentils?

Answer 22

They go in soup. And they’re difficult to get out of a fireplace. Apparently.

Question 23

Cinderella: Oh, the humanity! Oh Gods! Why must I always be punished!?

Answer 23

I mean, it’s just a couple of lentils, that doesn’t seem all that hard to-

Question 24

Cinderella: My fairy-

Answer 24

It was a swarm of birds.

Question 25

Actor: Question: Do I have to play each individual bird or can I be collectively, The Birds?

Answer 25

I guess you can be a collective group of birds.

Question 26

Cinderella: How can life be so cruel! WHY?!!!! What’s that? My fairy-

Answer 26

It was another swarm of birds, carrying a dress.

Question 27

Cinderella: Isn’t this where she sorta comes in and does her magic thing?

Answer 27

Nope.

Question 28

Cinderella: What?

Answer 28

We’re going by the original. There’s no fairy godmother. Just a lot of birds.

Question 29

Cinderella: There’s no fairy godmother in here.

Answer 29

I was about eleven when I figured out I didn’t have a fairy godmother.

Question 30

Cinderella: Well I can’t do this without a fairy godmother. Who’s going to turn the pumpkin into a coach?

Answer 30

You walk there.

Question 31

Cinderella: …I JUST GET BEHEADED AT THE END?!!

Answer 31

Maybe. I don’t know. I haven’t read to the end yet.

Question 32

The Birds: Tweet tweet. Tweet tweet.

Answer 32

Well, guess somebody’s not living happily ever after is she? All right, let’s continue with our story.

Question 33

Actor: Um…we can’t continue. There’s no Cinderella.

Answer 33

Sure there is. (stare) Put on the dress, Emily.

Question 34

(Actor puts on the dress)

Answer 34

So Cinderella had her dress. And she felt very pretty.

Question 35

Cinderella: Now I shall walk to the ball.

Answer 35

But the ball was guarded by a bouncer, a one-armed eye-patch wearing Scottish pirate named Mac.

Question 36

Mac: Shut it!

Answer 36

And just then Cinderella’s wicked stepmother and two wicked stepsisters arrived.

Question 37

Cinderella: I have a dress and I’m going to the ball because the birds brought it to me!

Answer 37

And then the birds came down.

Question 38

The Birds: Tweet tweet!

Answer 38

And they pecked out Mac’s other eye.

Question 39

Cinderella: I’m in! Sweet!

Answer 39

And it was a wonderful ball, a huge ball. And everyone started dancing. Unfortunately, the wicked stepmother only knew how to cha-cha, one stepsister was doing a waltz, and the other one was krumping. But they did manage to have a conversation. It went like this:

Question 40

(Actor playing all parts has stopped and is staring at Narrator 2)

Answer 40

Do it.

Question 41

Wicked Stepsister 2: I’m going in first.

Answer 41

And just then.

Question 42

Cinderella: So do you. Rarr.

Answer 42

All right, this is getting weird. I have to say I’m pretty impressed with this guy. Maybe he should win the Oscar.

Question 43

Prince Charming: ‘Ello. What’s all this, then?

Answer 43

And they danced all night long.

Question 44

Prince Charming: Why do the good ones always talk to themselves?

Answer 44

And she ran home and gave her dress back to the swarm of birds.

Question 45

Cinderella: Um…Question: wasn’t I supposed to drop a slipper or something?

Answer 45

You drop a slipper on your third trip to the prince’s ball. The birds keep bringing you more dresses and then you keep dancing and then finally the prince smears pitch on the steps of the palace, and then your shoe sticks, your golden shoe by the way-

Question 46

Cinderella: Golden shoe?

Answer 46

And he comes looking for the foot that fits the golden shoe.

Question 47

Actor: Can we skip to that part please? I’m going to die.

Answer 47

You know what, why don’t you put a little effort into this, okay? Fine. A little of this, a little of that, the prince stops by with a shoe looking for a girl who fits it.

Question 48

Wicked Stepsister 1: Excellent!

Answer 48

And of course her foot was too big, so she chopped off her big toe.

Question 49

Prince Charming: Out of my carriage you!

Answer 49

So the wicked stepsister went back home and the prince returned to find Cinderella’s other wicked stepsister.

Question 50

Prince Charming: Of course, I’m not all that bright.

Answer 50

And once she was in the bathroom, the shoe didn’t fit either. So she did the only sensible thing and chopped off her heel.

Question 51

Wicked Stepsister 2: Sounds…peachy.

Answer 51

But as they were riding.

Question 52

Wicked Stepsister 2: I did it for you!

Answer 52

And so the prince returned to the house for a third time.

Question 53

Cinderella: It is I!

Answer 53

And they lived. Happily. Ever. After. As for the wicked stepsisters. The swarm of birds pecked out their eyes. Just for fun.