Scene 1: An Extreme Beginning (pg. 5-8)

Question 1

Narrator 1: Hello and welcome to the Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon!

Answer 1

Sunday Sunday Sunday! It’s EXTREME! See monster-slaying action as the three-headed pig battles the wolf-o-bot in a bone-crushing cage match of death. They’ll huff and they’ll puff and they’ll kick some iron. Aaaaaaahh!

Question 2

Narrator 1: What we are going to do here today-

Answer 2

And then the battle you’ve all been waiting for: Snow White vs. Sleeping Beauty in a mud-wrestling death match. Who’s the toughest of them all? With dwarf-tossing afterwards.

Question 3

Narrator 1: Can you stop?

Answer 3

What happens when the princesses stop being kind and start being real? And covered in mud? And choking each other and one of them gets the other in a crab-hold and-

Question 4

Narrator 1: Okay, stop. We’re not doing that.

Answer 4

Flames! Flames!

Question 5

Narrator 1: Enough, Zach. You’re weirding them out.

Answer 5

I’m EXTREME.

Question 6

Narrator 1: No you’re not. Can we just do the show?

Answer 6

Fine, but I want you to know something: you are no longer considered extreme in my book. Okay? No longer extreme.

Question 7

Narrator 1: This is the Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon!

Answer 7

That’s right! And what we are going to do today is going to blow your minds. We are about to attempt something so spectacular, you will never be the same.

Question 8

Narrator 1: If you need to go to the bathroom, go now and we’ll wait. We don’t want accidents.

Answer 8

You look a little touch-and-go miss. Are you sure? You okay? All right then. Keep an eye on that one.

Question 9

Narrator 1: A little background to begin.

Answer 9

The Brothers Grimm were brothers named Grimm. They are dead. But in the period before they died the Brothers Grimm wrote 209 fairy tales that we know today-

Question 10

Narrator 1: They didn’t write them-

Answer 10

The Brothers Grimm did not write 209 fairy tales that we know today, they were frauds. We should dig up their bodies and spit on their corpses.

Question 11

Narrator 1: No, I’m just saying that they were collectors of stories.

Answer 11

Never mind that last part.

Question 12

Narrator 1: And these stories have become extremely popular. We all know them today:

Answer 12

Such stories as The Wolf and the Seven Young Kids-

Question 13

Narrator 1: The Pack of Ragamuffins-

Answer 13

And Straw, Coal, and Bean.

Question 14

Narrator 1: I forgot about that one.

Answer 14

Oh yeah. Straw, Coal, and Bean? Only the best fairy tale in the entire history of the world. I’m literally like crying buckets by the end of it. Freaking amazing. Changed my life. I can’t even look at straw, coal, or beans anymore.

Question 15

Narrator 1: What’s it about?

Answer 15

No idea.

Question 16

Those might not be household names, but quite a few of these stories have become immortalized in film and television-

Answer 16

Of course, they’ve all been changed by “the mouse”. To feed their enormous octopus-like animation empire that sucks the life out of existence and crushes your soul in a death-grip of happy happy songs and talking objects. I can’t even speak their name aloud because they’re looking for a way to sue me. You won’t win! My uncle is a lawyer! He defended OJ. That means I can kill anyone I want and no one can get me.

Question 17

Actor: I thought there was supposed to be catering back here?

Answer 17

There’s like a beef thing somewhere.

Question 18

Actor: Where?

Answer 18

I don’t know-in the back somewhere.

Question 19

Actor: Is there anything to drink?

Answer 19

No.

Question 20

Actor: I don’t see it!

Answer 20

Do you see the radiator?

Question 21

Actor: No! Oh wait! No.

Answer 21

There’s probably someone sitting on it. Move them.

Question 22

Narrator 1: Anyway, in just the short amount of time we have, our crack team of actors is going to perform all 209 fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm.

Answer 22

That’s like three stories per minute.

Question 23

Narrator 1: Or a different number if you actually know math. And we’re going to keep the original endings intact.

Answer 23

Blood! Violence! Death! People being cut open with scissors!

Question 24

Narrator 1: And to make things more difficult! We are going to perform them as originally intended, which is…

Answer 24

That it’s all one enormous mega superstory. That will rock your world.

Question 25

Narrator 1: Are you ready?

Answer 25

I’m so excited I’m going to throw up. Does anyone have a hat? Nope? Excuse me then.