Miscellaneous Jokes Flashcards
Master an assortment of witty one-liners, dad jokes and puns that can be appreciated by a wide audience.
What’s that pun you can say when someone mentions NY as “the big apple”?
We all know where the big apple is. But does anyone know where the . . .
Minneapolis?
Tip: Be sure to articulate “Minneapolis” so that it sounds equally like the city name and like “mini apple is”
What’s that joke about pyromaniacs?
(A pyromaniac is someone with an obsessive desire to set fire to things.)
Q: What did the father tell his boy when asked if they were pyromaniacs?
A: Yes, we ar-son!
Tip: Be sure to articulate the two syllables of “arson” individually, so that it sounds equally like “arson” as “are, son.”
What’s that joke about an angry snowman?
Q: What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A: It’s having a meltdown.
What’s that joke about staying up past your bedtime (or skipping a nap)
Did you know you can go to jail for staying up past your bedtime (or skipping a nap)?
You’d get charged with resisting a rest.
What’s that joke about puns?
OR that pun about entering into a contest?
I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.
No pun in ten did.
Explanation: This is made to sound like the common expression, “No pun intended.”
What’s that joke about cliffhangers?
You know what they say about cliffhangers…
[Just look away and stop talking]
People will likely sit there waiting for the “punchline”, until enough silence goes by that they realize that your sudden aloofness is the punchline.
What’s that joke about sleepwalking?
Q: What do you call a priest who sleepwalks?
A: A roamin’ Catholic.
Tip: Emphasize the word “roamin’“.
What’s that joke about Santa Claus?
Q: What do you call a poor Santa Claus?
A: St. Nickel-less.
What’s that pun about a dad joke?
Q: When is a joke a dad joke?
A: When the punchline becomes apparent.
Tip: Be sure to articulate the two parts of “apparent” individually, so that it sounds equally like “apparent” as “a parent.”
What’s that joke about a short attention span?
There are two types of people in the world.
Those with a short attention span and, look over there… it’s a plane!
What’s that joke about a mood ring?
Someone stole my mood ring.
I’m not sure how I feel about that.
What’s that joke about stealing a calendar?
Did you hear about those two guys who got caught stealing a calendar?
They both got 6 months.
What’s that joke about bricks and feathers?
OR that joke about living with the weight of your decisions?
Q: What weighs more, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
A: The ton of feathers because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
What’s that joke about Will Smith?
Q: How do you look for Will Smith in the snow?
A: Just follow the fresh prints.
Explanation: Will Smith is the titular protagonist of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
What’s that joke about windmills?
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?”
The other replies, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What’s that joke about Santa Claus’s sleigh?
Santa Claus never pays for parking.
Because for him parking is always on the house.
What’s that joke about being indecisive?
I used to think I was indecisive,
but now I’m not too sure.
