Animal Jokes Flashcards
Bring joy with clever jokes featuring various animals and their characteristics.
What’s that joke about a dog doing magic tricks?
Q: What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?
A: A Labracadabrador.
Explanation: “Abracadabra” is a word said by magicians when performing a magic trick.
What’s a funny comment to make when you see a squirrel?
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you?
A: Act like a nut.
Explanation: Here, the word nut is being used informally to mean “a crazy or eccentric person.”
What’s that joke about a buffalo and his kid?
Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
A: Bison.
Tip: Be sure to articulate the two syllables of “bison” individually, so that it sounds equally like “bison” as “bye, son.”
What’s that joke about walking your dog?
I named my dog “five miles,” so that I can say “I walked five miles today.”
What’s that pun about a horse walking into a bar?
A horse walks into a bar.
A scared bartender shouts out in confusion, “Hey?!”
The horse sits down at the bar and says, “You read my mind!’”
Explanation: Here, the word hey has a double meaning. Hay is grass, legumes, or other herbaceous plants that are used as animal fodder, whereas hey is a common salutation.
What’s that pun about brie cheese?
Q: Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
A: There was nothing left but de’ Brie.
Tip: Make sure “de’ Brie” sounds closely like “debris” (i.e. rubble).
What’s that joke about a dog chasing bikes?
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
Explanation: This joke exploits the double-meaning of “chase people on a bike”, implying that I’d meant my dog was riding a bike while chasing people.
What’s that joke about cow hooves?
Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
A: Because they lactose.
Tip: Articulate the phrase “lack toes” in a way that sounds almost like “lactose.”
What’s that joke about a terrible zoo?
I went to a zoo once…
But the only animal they had was a dog.
It was a shit zu.
Explanation: A shih tzu is a type of dog, but to execute this joke well, it should be pronounced more like shit zoo.
What’s that joke about a horse getting up after a fall?
Q: What did the horse say when he tripped?
A: Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up.
What’s that joke about a chicken and a ghost?
Q: Why did the chicken go looking for ghosts?
A: To get to the other side.
Explanation: “The other side” is a common phrase for “the other dimension”, where ghosts and spirits live.
What’s that joke about watchdogs?
My brother has 2 Dobermans called Rolex and Timex.
They are watchdogs.
What’s a funny comment to make when you see a toad?
Listen closely .. that frog looks like he’s tapping something with his foot.
I think it’s morse toad!
What’s that joke about down feathers?
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don’t. You get down from a goose.
Explanation: The down of birds is a layer of fine feathers found under the tougher exterior feathers.
What’s that joke about bees in the winter?
Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?
Swarm.
Tip: Be sure to pronounce “swarm” similarly enough to “it’s warm” to emphasize the double entendre.
What’s that joke about octopus tentacles?
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: Ten tickles.
Tip: Be sure to pronounce “ten tickles” similarly to “tentacles.”
What’s that joke about flying seagulls?
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
Tip: Be sure to articulate “bagels” in a drawn out way that sounds more like “bay gulls.”
What’s that joke about the pronunciation of pterodactyls?
Q: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
A: Because the P is silent!
What’s that joke about the three little pigs?
Q: What do you call the story of the three little pigs?
A: A pigtail.
What’s that joke about a bear’s paws?
A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’ll take a whiskey and…soda.”
The bartender asks, “Why the long pause?”
And the bear says, “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”
Tip: Be sure to emphasize the word “paws” (“pause”) when saying this joke out loud!
What’s that joke about foul weather?
Q: What do you call it when it’s raining ducks and geese?
A: Fowl weather!
Tip: Be sure to emphasize the word “fowl” when saying this joke out loud!
Fowl refers to any larger domestic bird generally used for food, including but not limited to chickens, ducks, geese and turkeys.
What’s that joke about animals cheating at poker?
Lost money playing poker with one of the big cats at the zoo.
Think he was a cheetah.
What’s that joke about snakes at a bar?
A snake walks into a bar…
And the bartender says, “how did you do that?”
What’s that joke about clapping T-rexes?
Q: Why can’t T-rexes clap their hands?
A: Because they’re extinct.
