Chapter 9: Improving Communication Climates

Question 1

The emotional tone of a relationship between two or more individuals. The way people feel about each other

Answer 1

Communication climate

Question 2

A message that expresses caring or respect for another person

Answer 2

Confirming communication.

Question 3

A message that expresses a lack of caring or respect for another person

Answer 3

Disconfirming communication

Describes behaviours that show a lack of regard and make listeners feel defensive

Question 4

What are the three levels of message confirmation in a communication climate?

Answer 4

Disconfirming, disagreeing, confirming

Question 5

What are the seven types of disconfirming messages

Answer 5

Impervious responses, interrupting, irrelevant responses, tangential responses, impersonal responses, ambiguous responses, incongruous responses

Question 6

A disconfirming message that doesn’t acknowledge the other persons message. It is very disconcerting when there’s no reaction from a person with whom you’re attempting to communicate

Answer 6

Impervious responses

For example, stonewalling in marriage which is a strong predictor of divorce

Question 7

A disconfirming message where the person repeatedly cuts off or cuts in on a speaker

Answer 7

Interrupting

Question 8

A disconfirming message. A comment unrelated to what the other person has just said

Answer 8

Irrelevant response

Question 9

A disconfirming message. Conversational “take-aways,“ where listeners don’t entirely ignore the speaker’s remarks but use them as a starting point for a shift to a different topic

Answer 9

Tangential responses

Example:
I’d like to know soon if you’re interested in a skiing vacation. Otherwise, it’ll be impossible to get reservations anywhere.

Yeah. And if I don’t finish this communication paper, I won’t want to go anywhere. Could you proofread this for me?

Question 10

A disconfirming message, these responses refer to clichés and other statements that don’t truly respond to the speaker

Answer 10

Impersonal responses

Example:
I’m having some personal problems, and I need to leave early a couple of afternoons this week.

Ah, yes. We’ve all got problems, Jane

Question 11

A disconfirming message, these responses have more than one meaning and leave the other party unsure of the responders position

Answer 11

Ambiguous responses

Example:
I’d like to get together soon. How about Tuesday?

Uh maybe

Well, how about it? Can we talk Tuesday?

Probably

Question 12

A disconfirming message that contains two contradictory messages, one of which is nonverbal

Answer 12

Incongruous responses

Example:
Darling, I love you

I love you, too. (Said in a monotone while watching TV)

Question 13

Messages that say “you’re wrong“ in one way or another. These kind of messages are between disconfirming and confirming communication

Answer 13

Disagreeing messages

Question 14

What are the three types of disagreeing messages?

Answer 14

Aggressiveness, complaining, and argumentativeness

Question 15

A type of disagreeing message. The most destructive way to disagree because it attacks the self-concepts of other people to inflict psychological pain. It demeans the worth of others through the use of name-calling, put downs, sarcasm, taunting, yelling, and badgering

Answer 15

Aggressiveness

Question 16

A type of disagreeing message that occurs when communicators aren’t prepared to argue but want to register dissatisfaction.

Answer 16

Complaining

Behavioural complaints, such as you always throw your socks on the floor. Personal attacks such as you’re a slob. Personal complaints are more likely to result in an episode of escalating conflict because they attack a more fundamental part of the presenting self

Question 17

A type of disagreeing message. Presenting and defending positions on issues while attacking positions taken by others

Answer 17

Argumentativeness

Associated with positive attributes such as enhanced self-concept and communicative competence. To maintain a positive climate while arguing, make sure to attack issues, not people. Are also better received when they’re delivered in a supportive, affirming manner

Question 18

What are the three types of confirming messages?

Answer 18

Recognition, acknowledgment, and endorsement

Question 19

A type of confirming message. The most fundamental way to confirm someone is to recognize the person

Answer 19

Recognition

For example, responding to other peoples texts and phone messages promptly instead of failing to return them

Question 20

A confirming message where you recognize another’s ideas and feelings.

Answer 20

Acknowledging

Listening is probably the most common form of acknowledgment, and includes asking questions, paraphrasing, and reflecting

Question 21

A confirming message. Means that you agree with another’s ideas or find them important. The strongest type of confirming message because it communicates valuing

Answer 21

Endorsement

For example outright praise

Question 22

A reciprocal communication pattern in which each person’s message reinforces the other’s

Answer 22

Spiral

In positive spirals, one partner’s confirming message leads to a similar message from the other, which leads the first person to be even more confirming. Negative spirals are just as powerful, though they leave the partners feeling worse about themselves and each other.

Question 23

A communication spiral in which one attack leads to another until the initial skirmish escalates into a full-fledged battle

Answer 23

Escalatory conflict spiral

The most visible way that disconfirming messages reinforce one another

Example:
Mildly irritated — where were you? We were supposed to meet a half hour ago

Defensively – I’m sorry. I got hung up at the library, I don’t have as much free time as you do you know

I wasn’t blaming you, so don’t be so touchy. I do resent what you just said though. I’m plenty busy and I’ve got lots of better things to do than wait around for you.

Who’s getting touchy? I just made a simple comment. You sure been defensive lately. What’s the matter with you?

Question 24

A communication spiral in which the parties slowly lessen their dependence on one another, withdraw, and become less invested in the relationship

Answer 24

De-escalatory conflict spiral

Question 25

What are some examples of negative reciprocal patterns in communication?

Answer 25

Complaint – counter complaint: I wish you weren’t so self-centered. Well, I wish you weren’t so critical

Disagreement – disagreement

Mutual indifference: I don’t care if you want to stay. I’m exhausted, and I’m getting out of here.
Go ahead if you want, but find your own way home.

Arguments involving punctuation: how can I talk when you won’t listen?
How can I listen when you won’t talk?

Question 26

What are some examples of positive reciprocal communication patterns?

Answer 26

Validation of others perspective: this assignment is really confusing, nobody can figure out what we’re supposed to do.
I can understand how it might be unclear. Let me try to explain.

Recognizing similarities: I can’t believe you want to take an expensive vacation! We should be saving money, not spending more.
I agree we should be saving. I think we can take this trip and still save some money. Let me show you what I figured out

Supportiveness: I’m going crazy with this job.
I can see how much you hate it. Let’s figure out how we can get the project finished soon, so you can get back to your regular work.

Question 27

The attempt to protect a presenting image a person believes is being attacked

Answer 27

Defensiveness

Defensiveness is the process of protecting our presenting self, our face

Question 28

Behaviour by another that is perceived as attacking an individual’s presenting image, or face

Answer 28

Face-threatening act

Question 29

Research or Jack Gibb offers some useful tools for reducing defensiveness. He isolated six types of defense-arousing communication and six contrasting behaviours that reduce the level of threat and defensiveness by conveying face-honoring relational messages of respect. What are these six categories of defensive and supportive behaviors?

Answer 29

Evaluation versus description

Control versus problem orientation

Strategy versus spontaneity

Neutrality versus empathy

Superiority versus equality

Certainty versus provisionalism

Question 30

Messages in which the sender judges the receiver in someway, usually resulting in a defensive response

Answer 30

Evaluative communication

One form of evaluation is “you“ language that judges a person

Question 31

Messages that describe the speakers position without evaluating others.

Answer 31

Descriptive communication

Synonymous with “I“ language

Question 32

Describe the category of defensive and supportive behaviors: evaluation versus description

Answer 32

Evaluation includes messages that are judgmental, while description focusses on the speakers thoughts and feelings without evaluation.

Example:
Evaluation – this place is a fucking mess
Description – when you don’t clean up, I have to either do it or live in squalor. That’s why I am mad.

Evaluation: those jokes are sick and depraved.
Description: when you tell off-color jokes, I get embarrassed

Question 33

Messages in which the sender tries to impose some sort of outcome on the receiver, usually resulting in a defensive reaction

Answer 33

Controlling communication

Question 34

A supportive style of communication described by Jack Gibb in which the communicators focus on working together to solve their problems instead of trying to impose their own solutions on one another

Answer 34

Problem orientation

Question 35

Describe the category of defensive and supportive behaviors: Control versus problem orientation

Answer 35

Controlling communication occurs when senders and impose solutions on receivers with little regard for the receivers needs or interests. The unspoken message is “I know what’s best for you, and we’ll get along if you do as I say”.

In problem orientation, communicator seek a solution that satisfies everyone’s needs so that everyone wins.

Example:
Controlling – you need to stay off the phone for the next two hours
Problem orientation – I’m expecting some important calls. Can we work out a way to keep the line open?

Question 36

A defense-arousing style of communication described by Jack Gibb in which the sender tries to manipulate or deceive a receiver

Answer 36

Strategy

Question 37

A supportive communication behaviour described by Jack Gibb in which the sender expresses a message without any attempt to manipulate the receiver

Answer 37

Spontaneity

Question 38

Describe the category of defensive and supportive behaviors: strategy versus spontaneity

Answer 38

Strategy characterizes defence arousing messages where the speakers hides their ulterior motives. Characterized by dishonesty and manipulation.
In contrast is spontaneity, which simply means being honest with others and setting aside hidden agendas that others both sense and resist.

Example:
Strategy – what are you doing Friday after work?
Spontaneity – I have a piano I need to move Friday after work. Can you give me a hand?

Strategy – Pat and Jen go out to dinner every week
Spontaneity – I’d like to go out to dinner more often

Question 39

A defense-arousing behaviour described by Jack Gibb in which the sender expresses indifference toward a receiver

Answer 39

Neutrality

Question 40

The ability to project oneself onto another persons point of view so as to experience the others thoughts and feelings. Described by Jack Gibb

Answer 40

Empathy

Question 41

Describe the category of defensive and supportive behaviors: neutrality versus empathy

Answer 41

Neutrality describes indifference or a lack of concern for the welfare of another that implies that the person isn’t important to you.
Empathy helps read communication of the quality of indifference. It means accepting another feelings by putting yourself in another’s place

Example:
Neutral – that’s what happens when you don’t plan properly
Empathy – ouch, looks like this didn’t turn out the way you expected

Neutral – sometimes things just don’t work out. That’s the way it goes
Empathetic – I know you put a lot of time and effort into this project

Question 42

A defense-arousing style of communication described by Jack Gibb in which the sender states or implies that the receiver is not worthy of respect

Answer 42

Superiority

Question 43

A type of supportive communication described by Jack Gibb suggesting that the sender regards the receiver as worthy of respect

Answer 43

Equality

Question 44

Describe the category of defensive and supportive behaviors: superiority versus equality

Answer 44

Superiority is any message that suggests “I’m better than you“. Equality conveys that although someone may have greater talent in certain areas, they see others as having just as much worth as human beings

Example:
Superior – you don’t know what you’re talking about
Equal – I see it a different way

Superior – no, that’s not the right way to do it
Equal – if you want to, I can show you a way that has worked for me

Question 45

An attitude behind messages that dogmatically implies that the speakers position is correct and the other persons ideas are not worth considering. Likely to generate a defensive response. As described by Jack Gibb

Answer 45

Certainty

Question 46

A supportive style of communication described by Jack Gibb in which the sender expresses a willingness to consider the other person‘s position

Answer 46

Provisionalism

Question 47

Describe the category of defensive and supportive behaviors: certainty versus provisionalism

Answer 47

People who are positive they’re right, who think there is the only way of doing something, or who insist that they have all the facts project of the defence arousing behaviour called certainty. In contrast, provisionalism occurs when people with strong opinions are willing to knowledge that they don’t have a corner on the truth and will change their stand if another position seems more reasonable.

Example:
Certain — that won’t work!
Provisional – I think you’ll run into problems with that approach

Certain – you don’t know what you’re talking about!
Provisional – I’ve never heard anything like that before. Where did you hear it?

Question 48

Speaking your mind in a clear yet respectful way without judging or dictating to others.

Answer 48

The assertive message format

Question 49

A complete assertive message has five parts:

Answer 49

Behavior, interpretation, feeling, consequences, and intent

Question 50

In an assertive message, an account that refers only to observable phenomena

Answer 50

Behavioural description

The descriptive statement includes only data that are available through the senses. The observer hasn’t attached any judgement or evaluation.

Example: Sophie has acted differently this week. I don’t recall her laughing, she didn’t drop by like she usually does, and she didn’t return my phone calls

Question 51

In an assertive message, a statement that describes a speaker’s interpretation of the meaning of another person‘s behaviour

Answer 51

Interpretation statement

Interpretations are subjective and we can attach more than one interpretation to any behaviour

Example: Sophie must be worried about her family. She’ll probably just feel worse if I keep pestering her.

Sophie is probably mad at me because I gave her a hard time about the tennis match. I better leave her alone until she cools down

Question 52

In an assertive message, an expression of a sender’s emotions that results from interpretation of sense data

Answer 52

Feeling statement

Example: when you laugh at me (Behavior) , I think you find my comments foolish (interpretation). Versus- when you laugh at me, I think you find my comments foolish, and I feel angry

Question 53

In an assertive message, an explanation of the results that follow either from the behavior of the person to whom the message is addressed or from the speakers interpretation of and feelings about the addressee’s behavior. They can describe what happens to the speaker, the addressee, or others

Answer 53

Consequence statement

Explains the results of the situation you’ve described so far

Question 54

In an assertive message, there are three types of consequence statements:

Answer 54

1. What happens to you, the speaker
   Example: when I didn’t get the phone message yesterday (Behavior) that my doctors appointment was delayed, I ended up waiting for an hour when I could have been studying (consequences). It seems to me that you don’t care how busy I am, not even to write a simple note (interpretation), and that’s why I’m so mad (feeling)
2. What happens to the person you’re addressing
   Example: when you have seven or eight beers at a party (Behavior), you change. You make crude jokes that offend everybody and you become argumentative (consequences). I don’t think you realize how differently you act (interpretation), and I’m worried (feeling) about what will happen if you keep drinking like this
3. What happens to others.
   Example: you probably don’t know because you couldn’t hear her cry (interpretation), but when you rehearse your lines for the play without closing the doors (Behavior), The baby can’t sleep (consequence). I am worried (feeling) about her because she’s had a cold lately

Consequent statements are valuable because they help you understand why you are bothered or pleased by another’s behavior. Also, telling others about the consequences of their actions clarifies the results of their behaviour

Question 55

In an assertive message, a description of where the speaker stands on an issue, what he or she wants, or how he or she plans to act in the future

Answer 55

Intention statement

Question 56

Describe and give examples of the three kinds of messages that make up intention statements

Answer 56

1. Where are you stand on an issue.
   Example: when you call us “girls“ after I’ve told you we want to be called “women“ (Behavior), I get the idea you don’t appreciate how important the difference is to us (interpretation) and how demeaning it feels (feeling). Now I’m in an awkward spot: either I have to keep bringing up the subject or else drop it and feel bad (consequence). I want you to know how much this bothers me (intention).
2. Requests of others.
   When I didn’t hear from you last night (Behavior), I thought you were mad at me (interpretation). I’ve been thinking about it ever since (consequence), and I’m still worried (feeling). I’d like to know if you’re angry (intention).
3. Descriptions of how you plan to act in the future.
   I’ve asked you to repay the $25 you owe me (Behavior). I’m getting the idea that you’re avoiding me (interpretation), and I’m pretty angry (feeling). Unless we clear this up now, don’t expect me to lend you anything ever again (intention)

Question 57

What are some points to remember when using the assertive message format?

Answer 57

The elements may be delivered in mixed order

Word the message to suit your personal style. The words that you choose should sound authentic in order to reinforce the genuineness of your statement.

When appropriate, combine two elements in a single phrase

Take your time delivering the message

Question 58

What are two ways to respond non-defensively to criticism?

Answer 58

Seek more information and agree with the critic

Seeking more information makes sense when you realize that it’s foolish to respond to a critical attack until you understand what the other person has said. Even attacks that appear unjustified or foolish at first often contains some truth, if not much more. You can listen to, understand, and even acknowledge the most hostile comments without necessarily excepting them or you might see that their criticisms are valid.

Agreeing with the critic – while you can’t honestly agree with criticisms that you don’t believe are true, you can agree with either the facts or the critics perception of the problem.

Question 59

What are six ways to seek more information from your critics as a way of responding non-defensively to criticism?

Answer 59

Ask for specifics- ask for specific information, like “what do I do that’s unfair?“

Guess about specifics — convey that you are truly interested in finding out what is the matter when your critic is not able to define precisely the behaviour they find offensive. For example, “so you object to the language I used in writing the paper. Was my language too formal?

Paraphrase the speakers ideas – by clarifying or amplifying what you understand critics to be saying, you’ll learn more about their objections. Two advantages of paraphrasing – the critic often reduces the intensity of the attack after he or she realizes that the complaint is being heard, and learning some valuable information by taking time to understand the other person

Ask what the critic wants

Ask about the consequences of your behaviour – generally, people criticize when some need is not being met. Once you understand the other person, criticisms that previously sounded foolish take on new meanings. Example: why do you care whether I’m late for work? Because when the boss asks, I feel obligated to make up some sort of story so you won’t get in trouble, and I don’t like to lie.

Ask what else is wrong – sometimes asking about other complaints can uncover the real problem

Question 60

What are two ways you can agree with the critic as a way of responding non-defensively to criticism?

Answer 60

Agree with the facts – agreeing with the critic restores the critics damaged reputation. Agree with your critic when the accusation is factually correct
Example: You’re right, I am angry
I suppose I was being defensive
Now that you mention it, I did get pretty sarcastic

Agree with the critics perception – even if you are sure that the critic is totally out of line, there is a way of agreeing, this time with the critic’s right to see things a particular way
Example:
Coworker a: I want to let you know right from the start that I was against hiring you for the job. I think you got it because you’re a woman.
Coworker b: I can understand why you’d believe that, with the equal opportunities laws. I hope that after I’ve been here for a while, you’ll change your mind

Question 61

What two factors are consistently connected to supportive workplace environments and positive communication climates in the workplace?

Answer 61

Praise and encouragement

Open communication