Chapter 7: Listening Flashcards
Making sense of others’ spoken messages
Listening
Reacting to others’ messages automatically without much mental investment
Passive listening
Superficial listening, mindless. Allows us to focus on messages that require careful attention. Plus, it’s impossible to listen to everything.
Giving careful and thoughtful attention and responses to the messages we receive
Active listening
Involves paraphrasing what an individual has said and then providing a thoughtful and careful response
This type of listening involves evaluating and judging messages
Critical listening
This type of listening involves mutual understanding and trust. Essential in interpersonal relationships
Empathic listening
What are the five elements in the listening process?
Hearing, attending, understanding, responding, and remembering
This element in the listening process is the physiological dimension of listening when sound waves strike the ear at a certain frequency and loudness
Hearing
This element in the listing process is the process of filtering out some messages and focussing on others
Attending
This element in the listening process occurs when sense is made of a message
Understanding
The degree of congruence between what a listener understands and what the message sender intended to convey
Listening fidelity
This element in the listening process consists of giving observable feedback to a speaker
Responding
Good listeners keep eye contact and react with appropriate facial expressions, give verbal feedback such as answering questions and exchanging ideas
This element in the listing process is the ability to recall information
Remembering
Unfortunately, we remember only 50% of what we here immediately after hearing it. The residual message, what we remember, is a small fraction of what we hear.
Name seven types of ineffective listening
Pseudolistening, stage hogging, selective listening, insulated listening, defensive listening, ambushing, insensitive listening
An imitation of true listening in which the receiver’s mind is elsewhere. A type of ineffective listening.
Pseudolistening
A type of ineffective listening. A listening style in which the receiver is more concerned with making a point than with understanding the speaker
Stage-hogging
Sometimes called conversational narcissist-try to turn the topic of conversations to themselves instead of showing interest in the speaker
One strategy is shift-response - changing the focus of the conversation from the speaker to the narcissist: you think your math is tough? You ought to try my communication class
Interruptions are another feature
A type of ineffective listening. A listening style in which receivers respond only to the messages that interest them
Selective listening
A type of ineffective listening. A style in which the receiver ignores undesirable information
Insulated listening
A type of ineffective listening. A response style in which the receiver perceives a speaker’s comments as an attack
Defensive listening
A type of ineffective listening. A style in which the receiver listens carefully to gather information to use in an attack on the speaker
Ambushing
A type of ineffective listening, failure to recognize the thoughts or feelings that are not directly expressed by a speaker
Insensitive listening
Insensitive listeners tend to ignore nonverbal cues and lack empathy
What are nine reasons why we don’t listen better? Or reasons that make it impossible for us to listen well all the time
Message overload – we are faced with too many messages all competing for our attention
Preoccupation – preoccupied with personal concerns such as worry
Rapid thought – the average person speaks between 100 and 150 words per minute, but we can process information at rates up to 600 words per minute. Leaving us with spare time in our minds which we fill by thinking about personal interests etc.
Effort – listening is hard work
External noise – the physical world often presents distractions that make it hard to pay attention to others
Faulty assumptions – we often make faulty assumptions that lead us to believe we are listening attentively when quite the opposite is true. Less likely to listen when subject is a familiar one, assume speaker thoughts are too simple or too complex, or when we think the topic is unimportant
Lack of a parent advantages – it often seems that there’s more to gain by speaking than by listening
Lack of training – listening is a skill
Hearing problems
What are four ways to improve your listening?
Talk less
Using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw out a speaker
Prompting
Besides helping you better understand speaker, prompting can help listeners clarify their thoughts and feelings
Uh-huh, that’s true
A style of helping in which the receiver seeks additional information from the sender to be sure the speakers thoughts and feelings are being received accurately
Questioning
Can help the asker fill in facts and details, learn what others are thinking and feeling, and find out what the other person may want. For the person answering the questions, they can serve as a tool for self discovery
Questions that call for a specific or yes/no response
Closed questions
Questions that allow the respondent to answer in a variety of ways and to include a great deal of description and detail
Open questions
Allow speakers to express how they think or feel about something
Questions aimed at soliciting information that enables the asker to understand the other person
Sincere questions
Questions aimed at sending rather than receiving a message
Counterfeit questions
What are six counterfeit question varieties
Questions that trap
the speaker: you didn’t like that movie, did you?
A tag question: like did you? Or isn’t that right?
Questions that make statements: are you finally off the phone? or emphasizing certain words can also turn a question into a statement. Questions can also be used to offer advice – are you going to stand up to him and give him what he deserves?
Questions that carry hidden agendas: are you busy Friday night? They are set ups for the proposal that follows
Questions that seek “correct“ answers: do these jeans make me look fat?
Questions based on unchecked assumptions: why aren’t you listening to me? What’s the matter?
Repeating a speaker’s thoughts and/or feelings in the listeners own words.
Paraphrasing. Also known as active listening
Feedback that tells you if you’ve understood what’s been said before you ask more questions
Sometimes a paraphrase will reflect the ideas you think a speaker has expressed, can be used to learn whether your perception of a person’s feelings is accurate, can be a tool for helping others – shows your involvement and concern, encourages the problem holder to discuss the matter and unload their concerns, and helps them sort through the problem and find solutions that weren’t apparent before
What are three approaches to make your paraphrasing sound more natural
Change the speakers wording, offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about, reflect the underlying theme of the speakers remarks
A helping response that reveals a listener’s solidarity with the speaker’s situation
Supporting
Come in the form of expressions of care, concern, affection, and interest, especially during times of stress or upset
What are five types of supportive responses?
Empathizing – I can understand why you’d be upset about this
Agreement – you’re right, the landlord is being unfair
Offers to help - I’m here if you need me
Praise – wow you did a fantastic job
Reassurance – I’m sure you’ll do a great job
What are six ways that you show cold comfort or not being supportive?
Deny others the right to their feelings – don’t worry about it
Minimize the significance of the situation – it’s only a job
Focus on “then and there” rather than “here and now“ - you’ll feel better tomorrow
Cast judgement – it’s your own fault
Focus on yourself – share a similar experience
Defend yourself – don’t blame me
A helping style in which the listener offers an interpretation of a speaker’s message
Analyzing
Can help people consider alternative meanings or things they wouldn’t have thought of without your help, can clarify a confusing problem so that a solution emerges, or can create more problems than it solves. For example, your interpretation may not be correct and can confuse matters, could arouse defensiveness as it implies superiority
A helping response in which the receiver offers suggestions about how the speaker should deal with a problem
Advising
Can be helpful if it’s given in a respectful caring way, but is actually unhelpful as often as it is helpful. Consider if the advice is needed, wanted, given in the right sequence, coming from an expert, if advisor is a close and trusted person, if it’s offered in a sensitive face-saving manner
A response in which the receiver evaluates the senders message either favourably or unfavourably
Judging
What are seven listening or helping responses?
Prompting, questioning, paraphrasing, supporting, analyzing, advising, and judging
