Chapter 8: Communication And Relational Dynamics Flashcards
The way people deal with one another socially. An association in which the parties meet each other’s social needs to a greater or less or degree.
Interpersonal relationship
What are seven reasons that we form interpersonal relationships?
Appearance, similarity, complementarity, reciprocal attraction, competence, disclosure, and proximity
A reason that we form relationships. We are drawn to those who are more attractive
Appearance
A reason we form relationships. We generally like people who are similar to us.
Similarity
A reason why we form relationships. We are attracted to those Who are different than us. Opposites attract. When each partners characteristics satisfy the others needs.
Complementarity
A reason we form relationships. We usually like people who like us, and conversely, we don’t care much for people who seem in different or attack us in some way.
Reciprocal attraction
Probably because people who approve of us bolster our self-esteem
A reason we form relationships. We like talented, competent people, but not if they’re too competent, which makes us look bad by comparison.
Competence
People are generally attracted to those who are talented but flawed in someway because it shows that they are human, like us
A reason we form relationships. Revealing important information about yourself can also build liking. Sometimes the basis of this liking comes from learning about how we are similar, either in experiences or in attitudes.
Self disclosure
Self disclosure is also a sign of regard. When people share private information, it suggests that they respect and trust you. The key to satisfying self disclosure is reciprocity: getting back the amount and kind of information equivalent to that which you reveal. The timing must be right.
A reason we form relationships. The more often we interact with someone, the more likely we will form a relationship with that person.
Proximity
Allows us to get more information about other people and benefit from a relationship with them
A socioeconomic theory of relational development that suggests people seek relationships in which the rewards they receive from others are equal to or greater than the costs they encounter
Social exchange theory
According to social exchange theory, relationships suffer when one partner feels “underbenefited“
Tangible rewards might be a nice place to live or a high-paying job, while in tangible ones might include prestige, emotional support, or companionship. Costs refer to undesirable outcomes such as unpleasant work, emotional pain, and so on.
Rewards - cost = outcome
Communication aimed at keeping relationships operating smoothly and satisfactorily
Relational maintenance
A developmental model, what are the 10 stages of Knapp’s relational development?
Initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, bonding, differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, terminating
The first stage in relational development, in which the parties express interest in one another
Initiation
Communication is usually brief and follows conventional formulas such as handshakes, innocuous remarks about the weather, and friendly expressions.
The process of getting to know others by gaining more information about them
Uncertainty reduction
The second stage in relational development. An early stage in relational development, consisting of a search for common ground. If this stage is successful, the relationship will progress to intensifying. If not, it may go no further
Experimenting
The third stage of relational development. A stage of relational development, preceeding integrating, in which the parties move toward integration by increasing the amount of contact and the breath and depth of self-disclosure
Intensifying
Often the most exciting and even euphoric stage
The fourth stage in relational development in which the parties begin to take on a single identity
Integrating
In this stage, individuals give up some characteristics of their old selves and develop shared identities. As we become more integrated with others, our sense of obligation to them grows.
The fifth stage in relational development in which the parties make symbolic public gestures to show that their relationship exists
Bonding
The peak of the coming together fees. Bonded relationships are those involving a significant measure to make the relationship “official“. These include getting married, moving in together, having a public ceremony, making a written or verbal pledge, and so forth
The sixth stage in relational development in which the parties reestablish their individual identities after having bonded together
Differentiating
Previously agreed-upon issues may now become points of contention. But the need for individuality doesn’t need to be a negative experience – the key to successful differentiating is maintaining a commitment to the relationship while you create your individual spaces
The seventh stage in relational development in which parties begin to reduce the scope of their contact and commitment to one another
Circumscribing
In this stage, communication between members decreases in quantity and quality, and the stage is characterized by restrictions and restraints. Members may withdraw mentally or physically when there is a disagreement. Interest and commitment begin to wane
The eighth stage in relational development characterized by declining enthusiasm and standardized forms of behaviour
Stagnating
In this stage, there’s little feelings and no growth. Couples in unenthusiastically have the same conversations, see the same people, and follow the same routines without any sense of joy or novelty
The ninth stage in relational development, immediately prior to terminating, in which the parties minimize contact with one another
Avoiding
In this stage, partners create physical distance between each other, either indirectly by using a guise of excuses or directly. The prognosis is not good but deterioration is not inevitable.
The 10th stage in relational development. The concluding stage characterized by the acknowledgement of one or both parties that the relationship is over
Terminating
In this stage, couples talk about what went wrong and declare that they want to break up.
This model doesn’t describe the ebb and flow of communication in every relationship. And although it suggests that partners go through one stage at a time, in real life, elements of other stages are usually present
Inherent conflicts that arise went two opposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously
Dialectical tensions
What are three types of dialectical tensions?
Connection versus autonomy
Openness versus privacy
Predictability versus novelty
The dialectical tension between a desire for open communication and the need for privacy in a relationship
Openness-privacy dialectic
The dialectical tension between a desire for connection and a need for independence in a relationship
Connection-autonomy dialectic
The connection-independence tension is the most frequently felt dialectical tension
The dialectical tension between a desire for stability and the need for novelty in a relationship
Predictability-novelty dialectic
What are eight typically used strategies for managing dialectical tensions in relationships?
Denial – communicators deny there is a problem and manage the tension by following predictable patterns of relating to one another
Disorientation – couples feel overwhelmed and helpless, and are unable to confront their problems
Alternation – communicators go from one end of the dialectical spectrum to the other. For example, alternate between spending large amounts of time together to living very independent lives
Segmentation – partners compartmentalize different areas of their relationship to manage the openness-privacy dialectic. For example, share feelings about mutual friends but keep past romantic histories private.
Balance – communicators balance dialectical tensions by compromising
Integration – communicators accept opposing forces without trying to diminish them. For example, in terms of novelty and prediction, a couple might decide that once a week they’ll do something different together that they’ve never done before.
Recalibration – dialectical challenges are reframed so the contradiction disappears. For example, changing an attitude from loving someone in spite of the differences to loving them because of those differences.
Reaffirmation – recognizing and then embracing the notion that dialectical tensions will always be there
Knapp divides the rise and fall relationships into 10 stages. What are the three broad phases that includes these 10 stages?
Coming together – initiating, experimenting, intensifying. As well as bonding and integrating as part of relational maintenance as well
Relational maintenance - bonding and integrating on the coming together side and differentiating and circumscribing on the coming apart side
Coming apart – includes differentiating and circumscribing included with relational maintenance. And then stagnating, avoiding, and terminating.
What are five strategies that couples use to keep their interactions satisfying? Part of the fact that relationships require maintenance.
Positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, sharing tasks
An implied or explicit promise to remain and make a relationship successful
Relational commitment
What are four types of relational transgressions, when one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship?
Minor versus significant
Social versus relational - some transgressions violate social rules shared by society at large while other rules are uniquely constructed by the parties involved.
Deliberate versus unintentional
One-time versus incremental
What are some strategies for relational repair?
The first step in repairing a transgression is to talk about the violation.
The best way to write a wrong is to take responsibility for your transgression. An apology requires three elements:
- An explicit acknowledgement that the transgression was wrong
- A sincere apology
- Some type of compensation – if I act that way again, you can call me on it
Forgiving transgressions – has both personal and relational benefits. Personally, can reduce emotional distress and aggression and improve cardiovascular functioning. Interpersonally, can restore damaged relationships.
Forgiveness must contain an explicit statement, and a discussion of the implications of the transgression and the future of the relationship
A message that communicates information about the subject being discussed
Content message
A message that essentially makes statements about how the parties feel toward one another
Relational message
What are the four categories of relational messages?
Affinity, immediacy, respect, and control
The degree to which people like or appreciate one another. A type of relational message
Affinity
A type of relational message, the degree of interest and attention that we feel toward and communicate to others
Immediacy
A great deal of immediacy comes from nonverbal behaviour such as eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, or the distance we put between ourselves and others. Also expressed through language like “we have a problem“
A type of relational message. The social need to be held in esteem by others
Respect
Different then affinity which involves liking someone, because it is possible to like others without respecting them and to respect them without liking them
The type of relational message. The degree to which the parties in a relationship have the power to influence one another
Control
Some types of control involve conversation - who talks, interrupts, or changes the topic most often. Another dimension involves decisions - who determines what will happen in the relationship
Relational problems arise when the people concerned have different ideas about the distribution of control
Messages that people exchange, verbally or nonverbally, about their relationship – communication about communication
Meta-communication
A state of personal sharing arising from physical, intellectual, emotional, and/or contact
Intimacy
What are the four dimensions of intimacy?
Physical, intellectual, emotional, and shared activities
The process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant and not normally known by others
Self-disclosure
A model that describes relationships in terms of their breadth and depth. In relation to self-disclosure
Social penetration
In casual relationships, the breadth may be great but not the depth. In intimate relationships, there’s probably high depth in at least one area. The most intimate relationships are those in which disclosure is great in both breadth and depth.
The first dimension of self-disclosure, involving the range of subjects being discussed
Breadth
A dimension of self-disclosure involving a shift from relatively non-revealing messages to more personal ones
Depth
A ritualized, stock statement delivered in response to a social situation (self-disclosure)
Cliché
For example, how are you doing? Fine!
Sound superficial but serve to acknowledge a person’s presence and to engage in the social graces
To qualify as a self disclosure, facts must be (3)
Intentional, significant, and not otherwise known
Describe the degrees of self disclosure from least to most (4)
Clichés, facts, opinions, and feelings
Describe the different parts of the Johari window which is one way to look at the role of self-disclosure in interpersonal communication
Part one – the open area, represents the information that you and others know about you. Example, address, your interests
Part two – the blind area, represents information that you are unaware of but others know. We’re example, you may not know that a professor thinks highly of you
Part three – your hidden area, represents information that you don’t share with others. For example, your past addiction
Part four – the unknown area, represents information unknown to both you and others. For example, future honours or awards or hidden talents that have yet to emerge
How the model works is that if you begin to self disclose more of your hidden area, then others will provide information about yourself that you don’t know
What are seven benefits of self-disclosure
Catharsis- we disclose just to get it off our chest, can provide mental and emotional relief
Reciprocity – self-disclosure usually begets more of the same
Self-clarification – sometimes we clarify our beliefs, opinions, thoughts, attitudes, and feelings by talking about them out loud
Self-validation – when you disclose with the hope of obtaining a listener’s agreement; a confirmation of something about you
Identity management – sometimes information is revealed as a sort of marketing of ourselves
Relationship maintenance and enhancement – plays a role in relational success
Social influence – can sometimes increase your control over a person and the situation
The most important reason is for relationship maintenance and enhancement since how well we know the listener is the strongest predictor of self-disclosure.
What sort of things should we consider when deciding to self-disclose?
Do you have a moral obligation to disclose?
Is the other person important to you?
Are the amounts and types of disclosure appropriate?
Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?
Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at hand?
Will the effect be constructive?
Is the self-disclosure clear and understandable?
Is the self-disclosure reciprocated?
The choices people make to reveal or conceal information about themselves
Privacy management
Sometimes honesty can have potentially unpleasant consequences. In such situations, communicators aren’t always honest and resort to four alternatives:
Silence, lying, equivocating, and hinting
Withholding thoughts and feelings
Silence
Need not to be dishonorable, especially when total candour is likely to cause pain
Saying nothing or omission is usually judged less harshly than telling an out right lie or commission
A lie defined by the teller as unmalicious or even helpful to the person to whom it is told
Benevolent lie
People lie for five major reasons: to save face, to avoid tension or conflict, to guide social interaction, to expand or reduce relationships, and to gain power
Responding in language that has two plausible meanings. Spares the receiver embarrassment, can save face for both the sender and the receiver, and provides a viable alternative to lying
Equivocating
For example, if a friend asks what you think of an awful outfit, you could say, “it’s really unusual — one of a kind!“ or when someone gives you a present that you don’t like
More direct than equivocal statements. These seek to get a desired response from others
Hinting
Instead of directly saying I’m too busy to continue with this conversation, a face-saving hint would be I know you’re busy; I better let you go
What are some of the risks of self disclosure?
Rejection, negative impressions, a decrease in relational satisfaction, loss of influence, and hurting the other person
