Chapter 9: Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships Flashcards
Influences of attraction
- appearance
- similarity (Birds of a Feather)
- complementarity (fill a gap, problem when there are control issues, differences in qualities can change in how it’s looked at as relationships persist)
- rewards
Exchange Theory
we seek out people who can give us rewards greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them
Comparison Level (CL)
minimum standard of rewards vs. cost
Comparison Level of Alternatives (CLalt)
pros and cons of relationship vs. pros and cons of new relationship or single life
Competency
attracted to people would are not perfect but have a few flaws, competency establishedfirst
Proximity
proximity leads to liking, more likely to be similar to us
Disclosure
learn about the ways in which you’re similar, has to be reciprocated!
Knapp’s Model of Coming Together and Coming Apart (10)
1. Initiating Stage 2 Experimenting Stage 3. Intensifying 4. Integrating 5. Bonding 6. Differentiating 7. Circumscribing 8. Stagnating 9. Avoiding 10. Terminating
dialectical tensions
conflicts that arise when 2 opposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously
Proximity
proximity leads to liking, more likely to be similar to us
Stability vs. Change Dialectic
desire to keep a relationship predictable / stable and desire for novelty / change
within relationship: predictability-novelty dialectic
outside the relationship: convetionality-uniqueness dialectic (trying to meet other people’s expectations)
Knapp’s Model of Coming Together and Coming Apart (10)
1. Initiating Stage 2 Experimenting Stage 3. Intensifying 4. Integrating 5. Bonding 6. Differentiating 7. Circumscribing 8. Stagnating 9. Avoiding 10. Terminating
Integration
simultaneously accept opposing forces without trying to diminish them
Integration vs. Separation Dialectic
within a relationship: connection vs. autonomy dialectic
outside the relationship: inclusion-seclusion dialectic (i.e. couples’ desire for involvement with outside world and their desire for their own time together)
Stability vs. Change Dialectic
desire to keep a relationship predictable / stable and desire for novelty / change
Expression vs. Privacy Dialectic
tension between desire to be open and disclose and desire to be closed and private
within a relationship: openness-closedness dialectic
outside relationship:revelation-concealment dialectic
recalibration
reframe the challenges so the contradiction disappears
content vs. relational messages
content “please leave toilet seat down”
relational - tone, delivered through non verbals
strategies of managing dialectical tensions
- integration
- recalibration
- reaffirmation
strategies of maintaining and supporting relationships
- positivity
- openness
- assurances
- social networks (getting to know other’s friends and families)
- sharing tasks
social support
helping others during challenging times by providing emotional, information, and/or instrumental resources
emotional support
being empathetic, listening, letting them vent to you
informational support
giving advice (if requested)
instrumental support
doing things to show that you care
relational transgressions
one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way
Types of transgressions
- minor vs. significant
- social vs. relational
- deliberate vs. unintentional
- one time vs. incremental
apology
- explicitly admit your wrong-doing
- genuinely acknowledge your regret
- compassion
