Chapter 9- Disconfirming Comm And Setting Boundaries

Question 1

Define communication climate

Answer 1

Emotional tone of a relationship

Question 2

What two climates can a communication climate be?

Answer 2

Positive and confirming
Or
Negative and disconfirming

Question 3

Define disconfirming communication

Answer 3

Fails to validate others and creates negative communication climates

Question 4

How do we communicate disconfirmation

Answer 4

When we ignore people
Do not acknowledge their thoughts or their feelings
Refuse to accept their opinions and emotions

Question 5

Define boundary

Answer 5

An edge or limit that defines us as being separate from others

Question 6

Why are the four boundaries

Answer 6

Emotional
Spiritual
Sexual
Relational

Question 7

What can the four boundaries do?

Answer 7

Can prevent or stop people from hurting us

They are limits to let others know what we believe is safe and appropriate

Question 8

Define emotional boundary

Answer 8

Prevent or stop people from insulting us

Question 9

Define sexual boundary

Answer 9

Place limits on sexual behavior

Question 10

Define relational boundary

Answer 10

Define and limit appropriate interaction

Question 11

Define spiritual boundary

Answer 11

Inform others that they cannot tell us that their religion is the only truth

Question 12

Define boundary violations

Answer 12

Occur when others knowingly or unknowingly cross our emotional, relational, sexual, and spiritual limits

Question 13

What might boundary violations be committed on

Answer 13

The basis of malice, ignorance, or thoughtlessness

Even with the intention of kindness

Question 14

How can we weaken and violate our own boundaries

Answer 14

When we:
Pretend to agree when we disagree
Conceal our true feelings
Engage in an activity that we really don’t want to do
Decline to join an activity we really want to do
Do too much for others
Ignore our needs

Question 15

Why is it important to study disconfirming communication and setting boundaries?

Answer 15

Satisfying relationships result when we have positive confirming comm
It can help us change a negative environment to positive
It can help us withstand others attempt to violate our boundaries

Question 16

What is one way we can create and maintain our boundaries?

Answer 16

Through assertive communication

Question 17

Define assertive communication

Answer 17

Standing up for our needs, rights, and wants while respecting the needs, rights, and wants of others

Question 18

Difference between assertive and aggressive communication?

Answer 18

Aggressive- standing up for our needs, rights, and wants without respecting others

Assertive=with respect

Question 19

Define submissive comm

Answer 19

Failing to stand up for our needs rights, and wants

Question 20

What is wrong with aggressive comm

Answer 20

It ignores the needs wants and rights of others

Threatens the face of others

Question 21

Examples of aggressive behavior

Answer 21

Comments that attack ones character
Negative comments about ones appearance
Teasing, threats, use of profanity and ridule

Question 22

How is aggression communicated non verbally

Answer 22

Staring at others
Invading personal space
Yelling or using a sarcastic tone of voice
Pointing a finger in someone’s face or raising a rosy

Question 23

People who subject to aggressive communication

Answer 23

Depression
Inadequacy
Humiliation
And function ineffectively in their relationships, occupations, and families

Question 24

Why is passive aggressiveness considered submissive

Answer 24

It’s accepting the request but failing to actually do it = ignores the communicators needs (roommate example)

Question 25

Define complementary relationship

Answer 25

One partner has more power and control than the other

Question 26

Why is complementary relationship bad

Answer 26

There should be a balance like in collectivist cultures

Question 27

Examples of submissive communication

Answer 27

Denying the problem
Joking
Changing the topic
Avoiding the situation or person

Question 28

What could submissive comm include

Answer 28

Disclaimers
Qualifiers such as “I guess..” “I may be wrong”
Overuse of apologies (I’m sorry to bother you)

Question 29

What all does assertive communication involve

Answer 29

Saying “i want” “I don’t like” “I need”

Strong eye contact without staring
Strong tone or voice
Straight posture
Minimal use of adapters

Question 30

Can submissive or aggressive communication be effective

Answer 30

Yes it depends on the environmental context

Question 31

How can submissive comm be good?

Answer 31

It shows politeness

“Don’t stoop to their level and be mean”

Question 32

How can aggressive communication be good?

Answer 32

If someone doesn’t get the politeness “if you touch me again I’ll scream”

Question 33

Define displacement messages

Answer 33

We are the target of emotions such as anger and frustration that result from situations and experiences in which we are not involved
(Someone taking anger out on u)

Question 34

How can you fix displacement messages

Answer 34

DO NOT act submissive and ignore the problem

Set boundaries with empathic assertion

Question 35

Define empathic assertion

Answer 35

The type of comm that involves making a statement that conveys recognition of the other persons speakers rights

Question 36

What are many request messages

Answer 36

When you say no to something and the friends don’t take no as an answer

Question 37

What is the broken record technique

Answer 37

Using empathy to respect the persons points, state YOU case, explain reasons why.
Repeat

(Babysitting example)

Question 38

Define hate speech

Answer 38

That which offends, threatens, or insults groups based on race age color religion national origin gender sexual orientation disability or a number of other traits

Question 39

What are types of hate speeches centered around

Answer 39

Sexism
Able-Ism
Racism
Heterosexual 
Ageism

Question 40

What does hate speech do

Answer 40

Strips people of their dignity
Causes everyday anxiety and distress
And creates intense psychological and emotional pain

Question 41

How do individual sleep who are targets of hate speech respond?

Answer 41

Passive withdrawal (silence)
Assertive reply (one that is direct, appropriate, and concerns a persons thoughts and feelings)
An attempt to use humor to deflect the incident
Aggressive reply

Question 42

What are some of the disconfirming messages that not only contribute to marital dissatisfaction but divorce?

Answer 42

Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling

Question 43

Define criticism compared to complaints

Answer 43

Criticism- about partners personality or character

Complaints- about specific actions or behavior

Question 44

Define contempt

Answer 44

Long simmering negative thoughts about a partner and is evident in sarcasm name calling hostile humor and mockery.

Question 45

When does defensiveness occur

Answer 45

When our self concept is under attack. (You are the problem not me!)

Question 46

Define stonewalling

Answer 46

Withdrawal

When a partner physically or mentally disengages from a situation

Question 47

Define anti-conforming messages and who usually uses them

Answer 47

They make a situation worse and disconfirm a persons desired face

Question 48

Examples of anti-conforming messages

Answer 48

Don't take it so hard
I think she was a slut
That's ok. You don't need him anyway
That's too bad. Wanna go out on Friday
Aww, that's nothing. You know how I got dumped?