Chapter 9- Disconfirming Comm And Setting Boundaries Flashcards

1
Q

Define communication climate

A

Emotional tone of a relationship

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2
Q

What two climates can a communication climate be?

A

Positive and confirming
Or
Negative and disconfirming

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3
Q

Define disconfirming communication

A

Fails to validate others and creates negative communication climates

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4
Q

How do we communicate disconfirmation

A

When we ignore people
Do not acknowledge their thoughts or their feelings
Refuse to accept their opinions and emotions

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5
Q

Define boundary

A

An edge or limit that defines us as being separate from others

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6
Q

Why are the four boundaries

A

Emotional
Spiritual
Sexual
Relational

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7
Q

What can the four boundaries do?

A

Can prevent or stop people from hurting us

They are limits to let others know what we believe is safe and appropriate

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8
Q

Define emotional boundary

A

Prevent or stop people from insulting us

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9
Q

Define sexual boundary

A

Place limits on sexual behavior

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10
Q

Define relational boundary

A

Define and limit appropriate interaction

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11
Q

Define spiritual boundary

A

Inform others that they cannot tell us that their religion is the only truth

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12
Q

Define boundary violations

A

Occur when others knowingly or unknowingly cross our emotional, relational, sexual, and spiritual limits

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13
Q

What might boundary violations be committed on

A

The basis of malice, ignorance, or thoughtlessness

Even with the intention of kindness

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14
Q

How can we weaken and violate our own boundaries

A

When we:
Pretend to agree when we disagree
Conceal our true feelings
Engage in an activity that we really don’t want to do
Decline to join an activity we really want to do
Do too much for others
Ignore our needs

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15
Q

Why is it important to study disconfirming communication and setting boundaries?

A

Satisfying relationships result when we have positive confirming comm
It can help us change a negative environment to positive
It can help us withstand others attempt to violate our boundaries

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16
Q

What is one way we can create and maintain our boundaries?

A

Through assertive communication

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17
Q

Define assertive communication

A

Standing up for our needs, rights, and wants while respecting the needs, rights, and wants of others

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18
Q

Difference between assertive and aggressive communication?

A

Aggressive- standing up for our needs, rights, and wants without respecting others

Assertive=with respect

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19
Q

Define submissive comm

A

Failing to stand up for our needs rights, and wants

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20
Q

What is wrong with aggressive comm

A

It ignores the needs wants and rights of others

Threatens the face of others

21
Q

Examples of aggressive behavior

A

Comments that attack ones character
Negative comments about ones appearance
Teasing, threats, use of profanity and ridule

22
Q

How is aggression communicated non verbally

A

Staring at others
Invading personal space
Yelling or using a sarcastic tone of voice
Pointing a finger in someone’s face or raising a rosy

23
Q

People who subject to aggressive communication

A

Depression
Inadequacy
Humiliation
And function ineffectively in their relationships, occupations, and families

24
Q

Why is passive aggressiveness considered submissive

A

It’s accepting the request but failing to actually do it = ignores the communicators needs (roommate example)

25
Q

Define complementary relationship

A

One partner has more power and control than the other

26
Q

Why is complementary relationship bad

A

There should be a balance like in collectivist cultures

27
Q

Examples of submissive communication

A

Denying the problem
Joking
Changing the topic
Avoiding the situation or person

28
Q

What could submissive comm include

A

Disclaimers
Qualifiers such as “I guess..” “I may be wrong”
Overuse of apologies (I’m sorry to bother you)

29
Q

What all does assertive communication involve

A

Saying “i want” “I don’t like” “I need”

Strong eye contact without staring
Strong tone or voice
Straight posture
Minimal use of adapters

30
Q

Can submissive or aggressive communication be effective

A

Yes it depends on the environmental context

31
Q

How can submissive comm be good?

A

It shows politeness

“Don’t stoop to their level and be mean”

32
Q

How can aggressive communication be good?

A

If someone doesn’t get the politeness “if you touch me again I’ll scream”

33
Q

Define displacement messages

A

We are the target of emotions such as anger and frustration that result from situations and experiences in which we are not involved
(Someone taking anger out on u)

34
Q

How can you fix displacement messages

A

DO NOT act submissive and ignore the problem

Set boundaries with empathic assertion

35
Q

Define empathic assertion

A

The type of comm that involves making a statement that conveys recognition of the other persons speakers rights

36
Q

What are many request messages

A

When you say no to something and the friends don’t take no as an answer

37
Q

What is the broken record technique

A

Using empathy to respect the persons points, state YOU case, explain reasons why.
Repeat

(Babysitting example)

38
Q

Define hate speech

A

That which offends, threatens, or insults groups based on race age color religion national origin gender sexual orientation disability or a number of other traits

39
Q

What are types of hate speeches centered around

A
Sexism
Able-Ism
Racism
Heterosexual 
Ageism
40
Q

What does hate speech do

A

Strips people of their dignity
Causes everyday anxiety and distress
And creates intense psychological and emotional pain

41
Q

How do individual sleep who are targets of hate speech respond?

A
Passive withdrawal (silence)
Assertive reply (one that is direct, appropriate, and concerns a persons thoughts and feelings)
An attempt to use humor to deflect the incident
Aggressive reply
42
Q

What are some of the disconfirming messages that not only contribute to marital dissatisfaction but divorce?

A

Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling

43
Q

Define criticism compared to complaints

A

Criticism- about partners personality or character

Complaints- about specific actions or behavior

44
Q

Define contempt

A

Long simmering negative thoughts about a partner and is evident in sarcasm name calling hostile humor and mockery.

45
Q

When does defensiveness occur

A

When our self concept is under attack. (You are the problem not me!)

46
Q

Define stonewalling

A

Withdrawal

When a partner physically or mentally disengages from a situation

47
Q

Define anti-conforming messages and who usually uses them

A

They make a situation worse and disconfirm a persons desired face

48
Q

Examples of anti-conforming messages

A
Don't take it so hard
I think she was a slut
That's ok. You don't need him anyway
That's too bad. Wanna go out on Friday
Aww, that's nothing. You know how I got dumped?