Chapter 11- Interpersonal Conflict Flashcards
Define conflict
The interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving those goals
Which types of relationships are conflicts found?
Family
Romantic
Friend ships
Work relationships
What does conflict entail
I’m compatible goals
I’m a conflict are the relational partners dependent on each other?
Yes
What do we fail to realize in a conflict?
People can reach their goals with collaborative conflict skills
According to William Cupach and Daniel J Canary, why is it important to study interpersonal conflict?
To improve our competence in conflict management
To learn that conflict is natural
To realize that people develop individually through conflict
And to accomplish satisfying relationships
Why is a conflict free relationship impossible?
We have different wants needs and goals
When does personal growth occur in a conflict
When we learn how to manage it
How does conflict build empathy? (Example?)
We can understand and actually feel the emotions experienced by others who contend with conflicts like ours
Example- a friend needs advice on a conflict- you know show to handle it from past experiences
Define social information processing (SIP) theory
Cmc (computer mediated communication) groups can develop social rules similar to FTf (face to face) groups if given enough time for an equal amount of message exchange.
Does conflict reflect and unhealthy relationship or one that is in trouble? Why or why not?
No
How we MANAGE conflict affects our relationships
What are the four types of conflict?
Pseudoconflict
Content conflict
Value conflict
Ego conflict
Define pseudoconflict
When we falsely believe that a relationship partner has incompatible goals or is interfering with our attainment of our own goals
Example of a pseudoconflict and how to manage it
A friend mocks you at a party but they weren’t trying to damage your face they were trying to keep the party going
Win win- find a way to meet a persons needs
Define content conflict
We disagree about information
Example of a content conflict
And how to manage it
Ferrari doesn’t make the most expensive car, Porsche does
Look it up online or find a credible person
Define value conflict
When we have differing opinions on issues that relate to our personal value systems and issues of RIGHT and wrong
ARE value conflicts always solvable?
No
Example of value conflict and how to manage it
Agreeing to disagree on gun laws and deer hunting
Define ego conflict
Individuals believe that they must win all costs to save face
An example of an ego conflict
And how to manage
You don’t know what you’re talking about!
Use face saving skills, owning thoughts to move the conflict to a value or content level
What is the easiest conflict to manage to the hardest?
Top= easy, bottom=hardest
Pseudoconflict
Content conflict
Value conflict
Ego conflict
Define personal conflict styles
Preferred ways of dealing with conflict situations
According to Ralph h Kilmann and Kenneth W Thomas, what are the five basic conflict styles that indicate how much concern we have for attaining our personal goals
Avoiding Accommodating Competing Compromising Collaborating
How do we avoid conflict?
When we remove ourselves from our conflict and we avoid psychologically when we refuse to discuss the issue
What does avoiding tasks include?
Withholding complaints
Making irrelevant comments to divert attention away from the issue under dispute
Denying the existence of conflict
Look at table on page 299
Do it
Define accommodating
Sacrificing our needs for our partners
Why can accommodating lead to poor decision making?
Because we fail to voice our knowledge about an issue
Can result in one person taking advantage of another
Define competing
Meeting our needs without concern for our partners
Is competing always bad?
No especially when it’s concern for the safety of another (a child wearing a seat belt)
Define compromising
Both parties give up what they want in order to achieve partial satisfaction in meeting their goals
Define collaborating
When we attempt to satisfy both our needs and our partner’s needs
How do people in a collaborative relationship handle their conflicts
They exhibit effective and appropriate communication as they openly discuss differences of opinion and refuse to engage in personal attacks
Look at the collaborative conflict resolution skills table on page 302
Do it
What are the four steps of a collaborative conflict resolution method?
Separate the people from the problem
Focus on interests
Generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do
Insist that the results be based on some objective standard (criteria)
Difference between positions and interests
Positions- conclusions that we believe we need to defend and are specific solutions to interests
Interests are reasons that underlie positions and are varied and diffuse
How do we focus on interests?
Ask things like: why do you feel so strongly about this?
What are the other ways to resolve conflict
Apology and forgiveness
How do you appologize
Acknowledging the severity of an offense
Taking responsibility for the offense
Disparaging the “bad self” who committed the act
Offering penitence or restitution
Promising appropriate future behavior
What is the purpose of apologies
To persuade someone that whatever the appropriate behavior, it is not a true representation of our character
Define forgiveness
The process of overcoming resentment toward persons who have committed a transgression
Is forgiveness the same as denying and making excuses?
Nope
What is the “REACH” method in forgiveness?
R- recall the hurt (objectively not in a pity way)
E- empathize
A-altruistic gift (when we recall we were in the wrong and were forgiven)
C-committing ourselves to forgive
H- holding onto forgiveness
How communicate our forgiveness?
Direct
Indirect
Conditions
How do we do direct, indirect, or conditions
Direct- I forgive you
Indirect- it’s no big deal
Conditions- I’ll forgive you if you promise not to do it again
