Chapter 10- Interpersonal Reatoonships Flashcards
What are the three characteristics of personal relationships?
Explanatory ability
Predictive ability
Uniqueness
What is explanatory ability?
The more we know about a partner the better we can explain their behavior
Example of explanatory ability?
“He or she gets like this when he or she is upset”
Or laying low until someone’s emotions subside
What is predictive ability
The more we know about a relational partner, the better we can predict their next move
Example of predictive ability
He or she will calm down in a few minutes
What is uniqueness
The idiosyncratic words that outsiders don’t understand in a relationship
Example of uniqueness
There are specific topics in your family that we can talk about, who when and where can talk about them
How do romantic relationships differ from friendships?
Intimacy
Passion
Commitment
The triangle of love is what?
Intimacy
Passion
Commitment
What does intimacy involve?
Tenderness
Connection
Closeness
(Also warm feelings, and affection)
Does intimacy remain stable over the relationship?
Yes
What, out of the love triangle, is the most important during the early stages of relationship development
Passion
What is passion
The fireworks or sparks between people who are attracted to each other
What else can passion entail?
Desire for another based on emotional, intellectual, or spiritual attraction.
What is commitment
The decision to maintain and sustain a relationship based on love
The intention to stay together despite difficult times
What is the strongest predictor of relational satisfaction, and the most stable characteristic in the triangle of love?
Commitment
Why is it important to study interpersonal relationships?
Relationships can affect our physical and psychological health, provide us with social support, affect our self concept, and have an impact on our future success and happiness.
It decreases the risk of death
Example of social change theory
Are you better off with him or without him
Who founded the social change theory
John thibaut
Harold H Kelley
Define social exchange theory
Rewards and costs determine whether people develop maintain or terminate relationships
Define rewards in the social exchange theory
Positive features of a relationship
Define costs in the social exchange theory
Negative features of the relationship
What do social exchange theorists recommend when trying to decide to stay in a relationship or not
Cost benefit analysis
Actually make a list of the rewards and costs
Define comparison level when talking about the social exchange theory
Enter relationships with the idea based on experiences inpast relationships and relationships we have observed among friends family and media
The abbreviation for comparison level
CL
When would we use comparison level of alternatives
To compare the rewards we are receiving with those we may receive in alternate relationships
Abbreviation for comparison level of alternatives
CLalt
Who developed the social penetration theory
Irwin Altman
Dalmas Taylor
What is social penetration theory
Relationships develop and change in terms of the type and death of the self disclosure between relational partners
Define self disclosure
Act of willingly sharing information about ourselves with others
When does self disclosure meet self penetration
When topics move from general talking to fears
More depth
What is social penetration similar to? Why?
Onion
We have many different layers
What is a deeply personal topic
Do you believe in god
What is a medium deep topic
Who did you vote for in the election
When do we develop intimate relationships with others?
When we self disclose a wide breadth of topics in an in depth manner
What questions should we ask ourselves before deciding to engage in self disclosure
Appropriate amount of info?
(No overwhelming)
Appropriate type of info?
(No frighten)
Embarrassed if disclosure goes to others?
Deal if disclosure is not reciprocated
Will it place an unfair burden on my partner?
What are the models of relational development?
Stage models
Process models
Combination models
What do stage models represent
Classify relationships in distinct developmental phases
What do process models represent?
Describe relationship based on partners needs and attributions
What do combination models represent?
Which address the perspectives of both stage and process models
What are the steps in a stage model
Integration
Maintenance
Termination
Who came up with the stage model
Mark knapp
Anita vangelisti
An example of the stage model
Stair case model
Ten stage model
What are the five stages of coming together according to knapp and vangelistis stage model
Initiating Experimenting Intensifying Integrating Bonding
What stage is known as the couple stage
Integrating
What are the five stages of coming apart according to knapp and vangelistis stage model?
Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Terminating
What is an issue with the stage model
It assumes that you need the lower steps to reach the higher steps
Who developed the dialectical tension process model?
Leslie Baxter
What is the dialectical tension model?
Relationships evolve and change overtime because partners reassess and redefine their needs
What is the autonomy connection dialectic?
It reflects The tension between wanting to be independent and wanting to feel connected
Example of autonomy connection
Sometimes we want to be around ppl, other times we want to be alone to emphasize our individuality
Dressing diff than our friends
What is novelty predictability
Concerns the tension between wanting predictability and routine in a relationship and desiring novelty and newness
Example of novelty predictability
Sometimes we like our friends hanging in the same places, but every now and then we’ll switch it up and go to a new restaurant because we bored with the same things
Define openness closeness dialectic
The tension between wanting to self disclose and engage in open communication and desiring privacy
What is an example of openness closedness dialectic
A friend wants to date someone that is detrimental to them, but you see the person makes them happy so you bite back your tongue until they get rejected. Then you are there for support
What are the four ways partners can deal with the tension caused by conflicting needs (not necessarily in romantic relations)
Neutralization
Selection
Separation
Reframing
What is neutralization
Giving up some of your wants so the relational partners needs can be partially met
Example of neutralization?
College kids away from home to be away from parents but can tolerate a phone call or two from mom
What is selection
Giving priority to a specific dialectic need in certain circumstances and placing emphasis on the opposing dialectic need in others
Example of separation
WORK VS VAYCAY
What is reframing?
Engaging in perspective taking to redefine opposing dialectics as no longer threatening a relationship
Example of reframing
A wife wanting to talk to a busy man after work
He doesn’t want to talk a cause talking requires him to work more
So she helps him relax instead
What does the combination model represent?
A description of relationship stages and explains that relational meanings change based on partners attributions
What is the initiation stage of a relationship?
The first words we utter to a potential relationship partner
What is attraction theory
We initiate relationships with people who are physically attractive, who are in physical proximity to us, and who are similar to us
What is the wrong way to imitate a conversation?
Pick up lines
What is the right way to initiate a conversation
Hi my name is — and I’ve seen you at — I’d like to get to know you better
What are the characteristics of a direct approach
Sincere, honest, and gets straight to the point
What strategies follow the initiation strategies
Bonding strategies
What are two bonding strategies
Asking questions
Identification as a couple
Why are asking questions important in the bonding stage
Get to know relational partner
What are questions to ask your relational partner
What do you look for in a friend
Do you like to socialize in groups
How do you like to spend your time
How would you define your personality
What matters to you in life
What do bonding skills include
Nicknames
Jargon
“I think you’re a really good friend and I really like you”
Define maintenance skills
Sustain the meaning of the relationship held by the relational partners
What are maintenance skills similar to?
A flower garden
Gotta keep watering it for it to grow
What are five strategies to maintain a relationship
Positivity Openess Assurances Social networks Sharing tasks
What are examples of all five strategies to maintaining relationships?
Positivity- b cheerful, avoid plagiarism, engage in pro social behaviors such as expressing appreciation
Openness- advice
Assurance- support, comfort, and communicate feelings
Social networks- accept relationships partners friends and fam
Sharing tasks- equally do chores
How do we communicate the maintenance strategy of positivity?
Appreciation- we feel grateful bout the relationship partner and relationship
How do you communicate appreciation for a relational partner
Describe the actions that we believe contribute to our wellbeing
Describe the particular need that the partner feels
Describe how we feel when our needs are fulfilled
Example of appreciation
You knew I had to leave early(needs)
You finished up the report early (action)
I appreciate you going the extra mile for me (how I feel)
When does appreciation become mundane
I appreciate you for doing th laundry
I appreciate
Thank you for
(All of these are without the other two steps)
How do we improve relationships that seem to be in decline
Repair strategies
Define relational transgressions
Violate relational expectations or rules
Examples of relational transgressions
Unfaithfulness
Lesser transgressions
Not talking about past relational partners
When trying to repair a relationship, we should focus on
Identify a problem with the relationship (meta communication)
Decide which overall strategies and specific skills to use to repair the relationship
What is a bad way to terminate a relationship
Manipulation
Withdrawal/Avoidance
What is manipulation
Unethical
Entail intentionally provoking a relational partner into a break up
Example of manipulation
An email left on the computer saying we are in a relationship with someone else
What is withdraw
Indirect tactics such as redirecting the frequency AND or intimacy with a partner to achieve relational termination
Examples of withdraw
Not returning phone calls
What is the great way to terminate a relationship
Owning up to your feelings
“I don’t want to experience hurt anymore knowing that you continue to date other people. In the long run, it’ll be better if we stood seeing each other”
