Chapter 8- Listening And Confirming Responses Flashcards
Define validate
We acknowledge and respect them and their feelings
Define listening
A complex activity that involves the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and or nonverbal messages
What percentage of our “communication time” do we engage in listening
60%
What are the four types of listening we engage in?
Comprehensive listening
Evaluative listening
Appreciative listening
Empathetic listening
Define comprehensive listening
When we want to learn, understand, and recall information. Listening to an instructor give a lecture is an example of comprehensive listening
Define evaluative listening
When we want to judge the soundness of a message. Critical thinking, discussed later in this chapter, can help us analyze and evaluate the messages we listen to
What is appreciative listening
When we want to enjoy and appreciate the messages we listen to
An example of appreciative listening
We may make it a point to focus on a conversation partners nonverbal communication as she or he acts out a story while speaking.
Define empathetic listening
When we want to understand and experience the feelings of a conversation partner
What percent of material do students listen to in professors lectures?
50%
What percent is memorized from a professors lecture by listening?
25%
What is disconfirming listening?
Listening that does not respect a speakers verbal and nonverbal messages
What falls under disconfirming listening?
Defensive listening
Pseudolistening
Confrontational listening
Literal listening
Define defensive listening
We interpret message and criticism as personal attacks
Define pseudolistening
We pretend to listen even though we are focusing on our own thoughts and miss the speakers message
Define confrontational listening
We listen carefully for flaws in a message to refute them or attack the speaker in response
Define literal listening
We listen to messages at the content level and ignore the meaning at the relational level
An example of literal listening
Asking someone how they are
That person sighs and responds “I’m OK”
And we say “Good to hear it!”
Why are most of us poor listeners
We haven’t been taught how to listen properly, and how to respond to others after listening to them speak
Why is it important to study listening and confirming processes
Speakers feel acknowledged, honored, and validated when we listen with care and attention
When do speakers feel acknowledged, honored, and validated when we listen?
When we are fully emotionally present with others, withhold judgement, and avoid distractions
What do confirming responses do to the speaker?
When we help others cope with problems, manage upset feelings, and maintain both a positive sense of self and a positive outlook on life.
Studies that show husbands listen to their wives is an example of what
Happy successful marriages as opposed to husbands that don’t
What is a benefit of confirming responses?
Relational satisfaction
If people think they are too busy, what would they do?
Think they are too busy to spare the time for civil
Listening
The three ways to improve our ability to engage in civil communication?
Planning our listening
Demonstrating that we are listening
Becoming fully involved with a speaker
Difference between hearing and listening
Listening is the interpretation of stimuli, the second stage in the listening process
What are the theee stages of the listening process
Receiving
Interpreting
Responding
What falls under receiving in the listening process
Noise
SELECTIVE listening
What falls under stage two in the listening process
Critical thinking
Remembering
What falls under RESPONDING in stage three of the stages in the listening process
Active listening
Confirming responses
What makes hearing\lostekninf difficult when receiving information?
Message overload
Preoccupation
Message complexity
Define message overload
The overwhelming number of messages we encounter each day makes it impossible for us to be listening all the time
Define preoccupation
We’re often too wrapped up in our own thoughts to focus on what’s at hand
Define message complexity
Messages that include lots of jargon- might be too difficult to follow along so we tune out
CAN noise be psychological tiredness as well as physical noise
Yes
What are two other problems associated with receiving information
Noise
SELECTIVE listening
Define SELECTIVE listening
When we listen to some parts of the message and ignore others
How come it’s hard to pay full attention to receiving information?
We fail to perceive parts of a message that don’t interest us, make us uncomfortable, or conflict with our opinions
An example of SELECTIVE attention in a relationship
“Let’s be friends” RIGHT after breaking up
How can we improve our ability to receive verbal as or nonverbal messages
Engage in self talk:”I’ll finish that thought later”
“I need to focus”
What does interpreting nonverbal messages do
Attaching meaning to the messages we listen to
How do we interpret verbal/ nonverbal communication
Critical thinking
Remembering
Define critical thinking
Activities involved in analyzing and evaluating messages
How can we successfully analyze a message
We must suspend or delay judgement before we form an opinion
How does remembering play a role in listening?
Especially with employers, asking questions in an interview is correlated with good short term memory as opposed to not asking questions is associated with poor long term memory
What do we use our critical thinking skills for
To separate fact from inference
Assess evidence in terms of sources
Focus on the form of reasoning
What is the five step strategy for remembering names of new people?
Focus on the moment of introduction
Listening for the name
Repeating the name aloud and visualizing the name
Thinking of someone we know with the same name
Using the name during and at the end of the conversation
What is an effective way to respond to verbal and or nonverbal messages?
Active listening
What does active listening require?
Time and effort
Why is passive listening ineffective for responding to verbal/ nonverbal messages?
Passive listeners tend to equate hearing and soak up material directed to them.
Thy might be misunderstanding the speaker
How do we improve our ability to respond to verbal/ nonverbal messages with active listening
Confirming processes
Define confirming processes
Validate others expressions of affection, respect, and concern
What does increasing our confirming responses do?
Enables us to strategically choose the most effective and appropriate comments as they relate to the other person, the persons communication, ourselves, and the situation
What did Brant R Burleson argue
Ppl who make use responding to a variety of styles are perceived as sensitive, concerned, and involved
Types of confirming responses
Prompting and questioning
Reassuring and expressing concern
Analyzing and advising
Judging (criticizing constructively)
Paraphrasing thoughts and feelings
Supporting communication
How can we prompt the speaker by using confirming processes
And the problem
Say “I see” and “go on”
But the problem= can mask the fact listener isn’t listening. Also can cause speaker to get defensive
What can be a problem with asking questions to the speaker
There can be leading or loaded questions
Define leading questions and loaded questions
Leading- a close ended question that suggests the right answer
Loaded- close ended question that provides only two alternatives
How can we reassure and express concern for the speaker
Relational feedback
Empathy
Define relational feedback
We can express our concern about being in a similar experience
What should we keep in mind when trying to use relational feedback?
Keep our own stories short and only use them for effectiveness
What’s important to keep in mind about reassuring and expressing concern
We should switch up how we express concern with others. Not use “I’m sorry” all the time but switch it up so the listener feels validated
How can we analyze (referring to confirming responses) information to the speaker without being perceived as a know it all?
Ask if the speaker is willing to listen to some alternative explanations about a problematic situation
Suggesting our explanations in a tentative manner (indexing our thoughts)
Making sure this our explanations are plausible
How can we counteract potential problems with offering advice?
Let the speaker ask for advice before we offer it
Provide ourselves with an out of the advice doesn’t work as expected (tentative- “this worked for me but it might not work for you\ something to consider)
Be willing to read between the lines of our advice is rejected (don’t take as a personal attack on ability to help, but understand showing our concern might be helping the speaker) (happens if speaker responds -yes, but)
How can you give constructive criticism? (Focusing on judging aspect of confirming responses)
Describe the other persons behavior with specific, detailed examples (teen example with the stop signs)
Preface a “negative” with a “positive” whenever possible (you’re doing a great job at driving- you’re improving)
Own our thoughts and feelings to communicate that is is our evaluation that we are expressing and not the “absolute truth”
Suggest a behavioral change
When can offering constructive criticism TURN defensive
Saying “I told you so!”
=we should wait until we are asked for the criticism
Define paraphrase
Interpreting the meaning of the speakers message and communicate that meaning in our own words
Why is paraphrasing effective?
It’s a way to see if we have correctly understood a speakers message
What does paraphrasing include
Rephrasing a speakers comments to communicate our understanding of what the speaker means
Communicating in a tentative manner
Asking for feedback “am I correct?”
Delivering the paraphrase in a nonjudgemental manner (avoid good, bad, wrong) (non v comm that we disapprove of the speaker and the speakers comments)
What are the two types of paraphrases?
Content paraphrase- after we’ve listened to a lot of information we have been given complex directions and/or instructions
= relational level of meaning
Feelings paraphrasing
Define feelings paraphrasing
Requires us to monitor a speakers nonverbal communication for clues about what the speaker may be feeling
Example of feelings paraphrasing
Response to a speaker who isn’t allowed to enroll in a class-
“You must be upset, am I right?”
What does paraphrasing do?
Validates someone’s emotions
What happens once people feel that their emotions have been understood?
They calm down, and respond in a rational manner
What is also a best option for validating someone’s opinions?
Silence
