Chapter 12 Flashcards
Shaver and Hazen (1993) have examined the continuity between childhood attachment relationships and romantic relationships in a number of studies.
They find that the quality of childhood attachment relationships is linked with the quality of adult romantic relationships
as adults, individuals who were securely attached to a caregiver in childhood
find it easy to get close to others,
individuals who were not securely attached to a caregiver in childhood
find it difficult to development intimate relationships and are often less trusting, which makes them more possessive and jealous, than securely attached adults.
Why do we like to associate with people who are similar to us?
Consensual validation is one reason. Our own attitudes and behaviors are supported, people tend to shy away from the unknown, implies that we will enjoy doing things with another person.
We even date/marry people who are
similar to us in attractiveness.
matching hypothesis
although we may prefer a more attractive person in the abstract, in the real world we end up choosing someone who is close to our own level.
in some limited cases and on some isolated characteristics
opposites may attract.
Erikson’s 6th stage
Intimacy vs. Isolation
intimacy vs isolation
at this time, individuals face the task of forming intimate relationships with others. Erikson describes intimacy as finding oneself yet losing oneself in another person. If young adults form healthy relationships and an intimate relationship with another individual, intimacy will be achieved. If not, isolation will result.
What are the three components of love?
passion, intimacy and commitment
passion
is a physical and sexual attraction to another.
intimacy
is emotional feelings of warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship.
commitment
is our cognitive appraisal of the relationship and our intent to maintain the relationship even in the face of problems.
romantic love (passion and intimacy)
often predominates in the early part of a love relationship. In our culture, romantic love is the main reason we get married.
affectionate love (intimacy and commitment)
also called companion love, is the type of love that occurs when someone desires to have the other person near and has a deep, caring affection for the person.
There is a growing belief that the early stages of love have more romantic ingredients
but as love matures, passion tends to give away to affection, a pattern often found among couples who have been married for many years.
consummate love (passion, intimacy and commitment)
highest form of love
if passion is the only ingredient in a relationship (with intimacy and commitment love or absent)
we are merely infatuated.
if passion and commitment are present but intimacy is not
sternberg calls the relationship fatuous love.
advantages to single adults
time to make decisions about one’s life course, time to develop personal resources to meet goals, freedom to make autonomous decisions and pursue one’s own schedule and interests.
The percentage of US couples who cohabit before marriage has increased from
approximately 11% in 1970 to almost 60% at the beginning of the 21st century.
In the US, cohabiting arrangements
tend to be short-lived, with 1/3 lasting less than a year.
Less than 1 out of 10 cohabiting arrangements
lasts five years.
It is easier to dissolve a cohabitation relationship than
a divorce.
A number of couples view their cohabitation
not as a precursor to marriage but as an ongoing lifestyle. These couples do no want the official aspects of marriage.
although cohabitation offers some advantages, it also can produce some problems.
Disapproval from others can place emotional strain on the cohabiting couple, difficulty own property jointly, legal rights on the dissolution of the relationship are less certain than in a divorce.
Does cohabiting help or harm the chances that a couple will have a stable and happy marriage?
Couples who cohabited before they became engaged were at greater risk for poor marital outcomes than those who cohabited only after becoming engaged.
researchers have found that couples who cohabit before marrying have more negative interaction patterns
prior to marriage than their counterparts who do not cohabit.
also the more nontraditional lifestyle of cohabitation may
attract less conventional individuals who are not great believers in marriage
The united states is still a marrying society, In 2010
77% of U.S. adults have eventually married at least once and for a little while by the time they were 40 years of age.
despite being a marrying society
marriages occur later, the percentage of adults married at any one point in time has declined and divorce is commonplace.
in 2011 the average age for a first marriage
climbed to almost 28 yo for men and just over 26 for women.
approximately 1/3 of couples become divorced
before their 10th wedding anniversary.
on average, a first marriage lasts for approximately 9 years,
a second marriage about 7 years before a divorce.
an unhappy marriage increases an individual’s risk of getting sick
by approximately 1/3 and can even shorten a person’s life by an average of 4 years.
On the other hand, individuals who are happily married
live longer, healthier lives than divorced individuals or those who are unhappily married.
People in happy marriages liekly
feel less physically and emotionally stressed, which puts less wear and tear on a person’s body.
marriage may offer a health advantage by
social support and protecting against risks associated with the social isolation.
Gottman found that seven main principles determine whether a marriage will work or not
- establishing love maps
- nurturing fondness and admiration
- turning toward each other instead of away
- letting your partner influence you
- solving solvable conflicts: perpetual vs solvable
- overcoming gridlock
- creating shared meaning
The divorce rate was increasing annually by 10 percent
but has been declining since the 1980s.
while divorce has increased for all socioeconomic groups
those in disadvantaged groups have a higher incidence of divorce.
Who are associated with increases in divorce?
young, low education levels, and low income and so too is premartial pregnancy.
Once study revealed that half of the women who were pregnant before marriage
did not live with the husband for more than five years
if divorce is going to occur it usually
takes place early in a marriage, peaking in the firth to 10th years of marriage.
both divorced women and divorced men complain
of loneliness, diminished self-esteem, anxiety about the unknown in their lives and difficulty forming satisfactory new intimate relationships
Separated and divorced women and men have higher rates
of psychiatric disorders, admission to psychiatric hospitals, clinical depression, alcoholism and psychosomatic problems, such as sleep disorders, than do married adults.
men show only a modest decline
in income following a divorce but women reveal a significant decline in income following a divorce, with estimates of the decline ranging from 25-35%.
The complex histories and multiple relationships
make adjustment difficult in a stepfamily. The difficulty of adjusting to life in a stepfamily is borne out by the data. only 1/3 of stepfamily couples stay remarried.
Why do remarried adults find it so difficult to stay remarried?
Many remarry not for love but for financial reasons, for help in raising children and to reduce loneliness. They also might carry into the stepfamily negative relationship patterns that resulted in the failure of an earlier marriage. Remarried couples also experience more stress in rearing children than parents in never-divorced families.
gay and lesbian adults
researchers have found that gay and lesbian relationships are similar to heterosexual relationships in their satisfactions, loves, joys and conflicts.
Parenting consists of a number of interpersonal skills and emotional demands
yet there is little in way of formal education for this task. Unfortunately when methods of parents are passed on from one generation to the next, both desirable and undesirable practices are perpetuated.
The needs and expectations of parents have stimulated many myths about parenting:
- the birth of a child will save a failing marriage
- as a possession or extension of the parent, the child will think, feel and behave like the parents did in their childhood.
- children will take care of parents in their old age.
- having a child gives the parents a second chance to achieve what they should have achieved.
- if parents learn the right techniques they can mold their children into what they want.
- it’s the parents fault when children fail
- mothers are naturally better parents than fathers
- parenting is an instinct and requires training.
in 2005 the average age at which women gave birth for the first time
was a record high of 25.2 years old, up from 21 in 2001.
one child families
are on the increase.
fathers are increasing their participation
in household & parenting responsibilities.
