Attraction, Love & Relationship, Communication Flashcards
Greek Heritage
the greeks distinguished four concepts related to the modern meaning of love
Storge
is love attachment, deep, friendship, or nonsexual affection
Agape
is similar to generosity and charity
Philia
is closest in meaning to friendship
Eros
is closest in meaning to our concept of passion
Styles of Love
Clyde and Susan Hendrick - 1986
Romantic love (eros)
“my lover fits my ideal”; “my lover and i were attracted to one another immediately”
Game-playing love (ludus)
“I keep my lover up in the air about my commitment”; I get over love affairs pretty easily.”
Friendship (storge, philia)
“the best love grows out of an enduring friendship”
Logical love (pragma)
“I consider a lover’s potential in life before committing myself.”; “I consider whether my lover will be a good parents.”
Possessive, excited love (mania)
“I get so excited about my love that I cannot sleep.”; “When my lover ignores me, I get sick all over.”
Selfless love (agape)
“I would do anything I can to help my lover.”; “My lover’s needs and wishes are more important than my own.”
Application Of Social-Influence Theory
Attractiveness,
Trustworthiness,
Competence
Attractiveness
appearance - character-profession
Trustworthiness
confidentiality, credibility, appropriate. & also is a use of power
Competence
: related to role, reputation, behaviour, accomplishment
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Intimacy, Passion, Decision/Commitment
Intimacy
the experience of warmth toward another person that arises from feelings of closeness, bondedness, and connectedness to the other
Passion
an intense romantic or sexual desire for another person, which is accompanied by physiological arousal.
Decision/Commitment
a component of love that involves both short-term and long-term issues.
There’s 8 kinds of Love Relationships
- non-love: nothing
- liking: intimacy
- infatuation: passion
- empty love: commitment
- romantic love: intimacy & passion
- fatuous love: commitment & passion
- companionate love: commitment & intimacy
- consummate love: commitment, intimacy & passion
ABC(DE)s of Romantic Relationships
A’s Attraction B’s Building C’s Continuation D’s Deterioration E’s Ending
Types of Love
Passionate Love, Compassionate Love
Passionate Love
- Emotionally very intense
- The focus of one’s life
- Highly sexualized feelings
- Sexual activity may be present or absent
- Fear of rejection
- Relationship feels unstable
Compassionate Love
- Emotionally less intense
- A focus of one’s life
- Less highly sexualized feelings
- Sexual activity may be present or absent
- Emotional trust
- Relationship feels strong and stable
Rejection of Intimacy
Fears, Inappropriate Time
Fears in Intimacy
being controlled or possessed by another & being loved then left alone
Inappropriate Time in Intimacy
after break up of close relationship & emotional or physical trauma
What are some Myths of Relationships
- Relationships will make you feel complete and whole.
- Your partner should change for you if he/she really loves you.
- If you truly love each other, romance should continue to flourish.
- Your partner should understand you.
- Any differences should always be negotiated.
- In a good relationship, the partners have identical dreams and goals.
- A relationship must be stable in order to be healthy.
- The more open you are with your partner, the more satisfying the relationship.
- If you are not feeling fulfilled, you relationship must be at fault.
- Sexual disinterest is inevitable in a long-term relationship.
Fear of speaking out
afraid of sounding silly or being rejected
Fear of fighting
belief that fighting means relationship cannot work
Fear of intimacy
unable to reveal inner self, afraid of ridicule or rejection
Fear of commitment
afraid of failure, difficulty saying no, lack of confidence
Power struggles are characterized by such issues as…
Who gets to right?, Who has to be wrong?, Whose problem is this?, What process are we going to use to solve problems?, Who has the power to end the relationship?
Procedure Settings…?
- Establish agreement on what you want to talk about
- Clarify whose issue it is
- Determine who is involved
- Pick a suitable time - include length of time & method of termination
- Select an appropriate location
