25/01/2023 Flashcards
When I say I can’t process anything or I need time, what again is this saying to Jay?
When I say I can’t process anything or I need time, this again is saying to Jay that:
1. His words, what he is saying, isn’t important to me
2. I’m not listening
When I say I can’t process anything or I need time, this again is saying to Jay that his words, what he is saying, isn’t important to me and that I’m not listening.
I know Jay doesn’t feel listened to or heard, so actually be what?
I know Jay doesn’t feel listened to or heard, so actually be considerate of his feelings
When I say I can’t process anything or I need time, this again is saying to Jay that his words, what he is saying, isn’t important to me and that I’m not listening.
I know Jay doesn’t feel listened to or heard, so actually be considerate of his feelings.
Me saying ‘I need time’ or ‘I can’t process anything’ isn’t considerate of his feelings at all when I KNOW he DOESN’T feel heard or listened to.
It’s not even what?
It’s not even:
1. Acknowledging his feelings
Or,
2. Reassuring him
When I say I can’t process anything or I need time, this again is saying to Jay that his words, what he is saying, isn’t important to me and that I’m not listening.
I know Jay doesn’t feel listened to or heard, so actually be considerate of his feelings.
Me saying ‘I need time’ or ‘I can’t process anything’ isn’t considerate of his feelings at all when I KNOW he DOESN’T feel heard or listened to.
It’s not even acknowledging his feelings or reassuring him.
Jay makes everything EASY for me and he is likely always right. I won’t ever actually need time if I am thinking logically and listening and understanding him.
Even if I really did need time, say something like what?
Even if I really did need time, say something like ‘I do really care about everything you are saying and want to listen and understand and hear you but would like to take some time to self-soothe before I come back so I can understand properly. Is this okay?’
When I say I can’t process anything or I need time, this again is saying to Jay that his words, what he is saying, isn’t important to me and that I’m not listening.
I know Jay doesn’t feel listened to or heard, so actually be considerate of his feelings.
Me saying ‘I need time’ or ‘I can’t process anything’ isn’t considerate of his feelings at all when I KNOW he DOESN’T feel heard or listened to.
It’s not even acknowledging his feelings or reassuring him.
Jay makes everything EASY for me and he is likely always right. I won’t ever actually need time if I am thinking logically and listening and understanding him.
Even if I really did need time, say something like ‘I do really care about everything you are saying and want to listen and understand and hear you but would like to take some time to self-soothe before I come back so I can understand properly. Is this okay?’
And then what?
And then FOLLOW IT UP WITH LOVING WORDS
When I say I can’t process anything or I need time, this again is saying to Jay that his words, what he is saying, isn’t important to me and that I’m not listening.
I know Jay doesn’t feel listened to or heard, so actually be considerate of his feelings.
Me saying ‘I need time’ or ‘I can’t process anything’ isn’t considerate of his feelings at all when I KNOW he DOESN’T feel heard or listened to.
It’s not even acknowledging his feelings or reassuring him.
Jay makes everything EASY for me and he is likely always right. I won’t ever actually need time if I am thinking logically and listening and understanding him.
Even if I really did need time, say something like ‘I do really care about everything you are saying and want to listen and understand and hear you but would like to take some time to self-soothe before I come back so I can understand properly. Is this okay?’
And then FOLLOW IT UP WITH LOVING WORDS, so that Jay what?
And then FOLLOW IT UP WITH LOVING WORDS, so that Jay:
1. Knows I want to and will listen and understand him and won’t be defensive
2. Feels safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved
When I say I can’t process anything or I need time, this again is saying to Jay that his words, what he is saying, isn’t important to me and that I’m not listening.
I know Jay doesn’t feel listened to or heard, so actually be considerate of his feelings.
Me saying ‘I need time’ or ‘I can’t process anything’ isn’t considerate of his feelings at all when I KNOW he DOESN’T feel heard or listened to.
It’s not even acknowledging his feelings or reassuring him.
Jay makes everything EASY for me and he is likely always right. I won’t ever actually need time if I am thinking logically and listening and understanding him.
Even if I really did need time, say something like ‘I do really care about everything you are saying and want to listen and understand and hear you but would like to take some time to self-soothe before I come back so I can understand properly. Is this okay?’
And then FOLLOW IT UP WITH LOVING WORDS, so that Jay knows I want to and will listen and understand him and won’t be defensive and so that Jay feels safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved.
If I am considerate like this, Jay would … with me taking some time to self-soothe before I come back, as he said himself?
If I am considerate like this, Jay would:
1. Understand
2. Be fine
with me taking some time to self-soothe before I come back, as he said himself
