01/02/2023

Question 1

When Jay is angry, how is he feeling?

Answer 1

When Jay is angry, he is HURT

Question 2

When Jay is angry, he is HURT.

For him, it is not possible for him to feel pain without what?

Answer 2

For him, it is not possible for him to feel pain without anger

Question 3

EVERYTHING Jay does when triggered, is him doing what?

Answer 3

EVERYTHING Jay does when triggered, is him trying to get reassurance

Question 4

EVERYTHING Jay does when triggered, is him trying to get reassurance.

If he already thought he knew the truth, what would he do?

Answer 4

If he already thought he knew the truth, he would leave, so even if he is attacking me or if I think he has already made up his mind, he hasn’t.
If he already thought he knew the truth, he wouldn’t be talking to me about it

Question 5

EVERYTHING Jay does when triggered, is him trying to get reassurance.

If he already thought he knew the truth, he would leave, so even if he is attacking me or if I think he has already made up his mind, he hasn’t.
If he already thought he knew the truth, he wouldn’t be talking to me about it.

So, even if I think Jay is …?

Answer 5

So, even if I think Jay is attacking me or has already made up his mind

Question 6

EVERYTHING Jay does when triggered, is him trying to get reassurance.

If he already thought he knew the truth, he would leave, so even if he is attacking me or if I think he has already made up his mind, he hasn’t.
If he already thought he knew the truth, he wouldn’t be talking to me about it.

So, even if I think Jay is attacking me or has already made up his mind, if I …?

Answer 6

So, even if I think Jay is attacking me or has already made up his mind, if I JUST LISTEN TO HIM AND UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS SAYING/HIS CONCLUSION and how he feels and validate it

Question 7

EVERYTHING Jay does when triggered, is him trying to get reassurance.

If he already thought he knew the truth, he would leave, so even if he is attacking me or if I think he has already made up his mind, he hasn’t.
If he already thought he knew the truth, he wouldn’t be talking to me about it.

So, even if I think Jay is attacking me or has already made up his mind, if I JUST LISTEN TO HIM AND UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS SAYING/HIS CONCLUSION and how he feels and validate it, I …?

Answer 7

So, even if I think Jay is attacking me or has already made up his mind, if I JUST LISTEN TO HIM AND UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS SAYING/HIS CONCLUSION and how he feels and validate it, I can still reassure him

Question 8

Am I going to trigger Jay again?

Answer 8

I AM going to trigger Jay again.
HE KNOWS IT, and I know it, as he said

Question 9

Am I going to trigger Jay again?
I AM going to trigger Jay again.
HE KNOWS IT, and I know it, as he said.

So, stop …?

Answer 9

So, stop being so scared about it and stop thinking or feeling like I can’t even put a foot wrong

Question 10

Am I going to trigger Jay again?
I AM going to trigger Jay again.
HE KNOWS IT, and I know it, as he said.

So, stop being so scared about it and stop thinking or feeling like I can’t even put a foot wrong.
Still …

Answer 10

Still be careful with my words ect of course and focus on being more specific and concise

Question 11

Am I going to trigger Jay again?
I AM going to trigger Jay again.
HE KNOWS IT, and I know it, as he said.

So, stop being so scared about it and stop thinking or feeling like I can’t even put a foot wrong.
Still be careful with my words ect of course and focus on being more specific and concise, but …?

Answer 11

Still be careful with my words ect of course and focus on being more specific and concise, but I don’t need to be anxious or scared about triggering Jay and so immediately become defensive like I did when Jay had just asked me a question when I was in Birmingham

Question 12

When Jay asked me a question when I was in Birmingham, he was just asking about something that bothered him, understandably, and would bother me if it was the other way around too.

Jay was just asking me a question about something that bothered him, but because I was anxious about triggering him or a problem, what did I do?

Answer 12

Jay was just asking me a question about something that bothered him, but because I was anxious about triggering him or a problem, I got defensive and I DIDN’T LISTEN and so I DIDN’T ANSWER HIS QUESTION, because I WASN’T LISTENING.
I responded by talking AT HIM, based on my own reality that I created due to my anxiety, rather than just LISTENING to what JAY said and answering his question directly

Question 13

When Jay asked me a question when I was in Birmingham, he was just asking about something that bothered him, understandably, and would bother me if it was the other way around too.

Jay was just asking me a question about something that bothered him, but because I was anxious about triggering him or a problem, I got defensive and I DIDN’T LISTEN and so I DIDN’T ANSWER HIS QUESTION, because I WASN’T LISTENING.
I responded by talking AT HIM, based on my own reality that I created due to my anxiety, rather than just LISTENING to what JAY said and answering his question directly.

When I am defensive, I ignore …?

Answer 13

When I am defensive, I ignore what Jay has said so I ignore him

Question 14

When Jay asked me a question when I was in Birmingham, he was just asking about something that bothered him, understandably, and would bother me if it was the other way around too.

Jay was just asking me a question about something that bothered him, but because I was anxious about triggering him or a problem, I got defensive and I DIDN’T LISTEN and so I DIDN’T ANSWER HIS QUESTION, because I WASN’T LISTENING.
I responded by talking AT HIM, based on my own reality that I created due to my anxiety, rather than just LISTENING to what JAY said and answering his question directly.

When I am defensive, I ignore what Jay has said so I ignore him, as I what?

Answer 14

When I am defensive, I ignore what Jay has said so I ignore him, as I don’t even respond directly to him because I am not listening to HIM and I am only thinking about my own reality

Question 15

When Jay asked me a question when I was in Birmingham, he was just asking about something that bothered him, understandably, and would bother me if it was the other way around too.

Jay was just asking me a question about something that bothered him, but because I was anxious about triggering him or a problem, I got defensive and I DIDN’T LISTEN and so I DIDN’T ANSWER HIS QUESTION, because I WASN’T LISTENING.
I responded by talking AT HIM, based on my own reality that I created due to my anxiety, rather than just LISTENING to what JAY said and answering his question directly.

When I am defensive, I ignore what Jay has said so I ignore him, as I don’t even respond directly to him because I am not listening to HIM and I am only thinking about my own reality.

The answer to the question as well, was what?

Answer 15

The answer to the question as well, was simple, EASIER FOR ME than what I did

Question 16

When Jay asked me a question when I was in Birmingham, he was just asking me a question about something that bothered him.

The answer to the question as well, was simple, EASIER FOR ME than what I did.

If Jay wants or needs more details, what?

Answer 16

If Jay wants or needs more details, HE will ASK

Question 17

When Jay asked me a question when I was in Birmingham, he was just asking me a question about something that bothered him.

The answer to the question as well, was simple, EASIER FOR ME than what I did.

If Jay wants or needs more details, HE will ASK.

When Jay asks me ANY question, respond to what Jay has …?

Answer 17

When Jay asks me ANY question, respond to what Jay has explicitly and specifically asked for

Question 18

When Jay asked me a question when I was in Birmingham, he was just asking me a question about something that bothered him.

The answer to the question as well, was simple, EASIER FOR ME than what I did.

If Jay wants or needs more details, HE will ASK.

When Jay asks me ANY question, respond to what Jay has explicitly and specifically asked for and give ONLY …?

Answer 18

When Jay asks me ANY question, respond to what Jay has explicitly and specifically asked for and give ONLY the information and details Jay has explicitly and specifically asked for

Question 19

When Jay asked me a question when I was in Birmingham, he was just asking me a question about something that bothered him.

The answer to the question as well, was simple, EASIER FOR ME than what I did.

If Jay wants or needs more details, HE will ASK.

When Jay asks me ANY question, respond to what Jay has explicitly and specifically asked for and give ONLY the information and details Jay has explicitly and specifically asked for.

Jay needs … regardless anyway?

Answer 19

Jay needs greater SPECIFICITY and for me to be more CONCISE regardless anyway

Question 20

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T do what?

Answer 20

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK

Question 21

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL do what?

Answer 21

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it

Question 22

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE …

Answer 22

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE IS NOT STUPID and he is likely right

Question 23

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE IS NOT STUPID and he is likely right.

Even if I think Jay is completely wrong or I don’t agree, DO WHAT FIRST?

Answer 23

Even if I think Jay is completely wrong or I don’t agree, LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY HE THINKS IT FIRST

Question 24

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE IS NOT STUPID and he is likely right.

Even if I think Jay is completely wrong or I don’t agree, LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY HE THINKS IT FIRST.

Jay is extremely …?

Answer 24

Jay is extremely intelligent

Question 25

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE IS NOT STUPID and he is likely right.

Even if I think Jay is completely wrong or I don’t agree, LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY HE THINKS IT FIRST.

Jay is the best man and he is extremely intelligent and he is probably right, why?

Answer 25

Jay is the best man and he extremely intelligent and he is probably right, because HE HAS BEEN RIGHT PRETTY MUCH EVERY TIME, just like with the white racism example, and he knows much more than I do

Question 26

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE IS NOT STUPID and he is likely right.

Even if I think Jay is completely wrong or I don’t agree, LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY HE THINKS IT FIRST.

Jay is the best man and he is extremely intelligent and he is probably right, because HE HAS BEEN RIGHT PRETTY MUCH EVERY TIME, just like with the white racism example, and he knows much more than I do.

How Jay feels and his conclusions, even if I don’t agree, are always what?

Answer 26

How Jay feels and his conclusions, even if I don’t agree, are always reasonable and understandable

Question 27

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE IS NOT STUPID and he is likely right.

Even if I think Jay is completely wrong or I don’t agree, LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY HE THINKS IT FIRST.

Jay is the best man and he is extremely intelligent and he is probably right, because HE HAS BEEN RIGHT PRETTY MUCH EVERY TIME, just like with the white racism example, and he knows much more than I do.

How Jay feels and his conclusions, even if I don’t agree, are always reasonable and understandable, so if I think I am right or he is wrong, DO WHAT FIRST?

Answer 27

How Jay feels and his conclusions, even if I don’t agree, are always reasonable and understandable, so if I think I am right or he is wrong, UNDERSTAND WHAT HE THINKS AND WHY AND LISTEN, FIRST

Question 28

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE IS NOT STUPID and he is likely right.

Even if I think Jay is completely wrong or I don’t agree, LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY HE THINKS IT FIRST.

Jay is the best man and he is extremely intelligent and he is probably right, because HE HAS BEEN RIGHT PRETTY MUCH EVERY TIME, just like with the white racism example, and he knows much more than I do.

How Jay feels and his conclusions, even if I don’t agree, are always reasonable and understandable, so if I think I am right or he is wrong, UNDERSTAND WHAT HE THINKS AND WHY AND LISTEN, FIRST.

Actually understand, by doing what?

Answer 28

Actually understand, by truly putting myself in his position or what anyone else would think, by thinking logically with a calm mind

Question 29

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE IS NOT STUPID and he is likely right.

Imagine if when I raised him looking at women, he just …

Answer 29

Imagine if when I raised him looking at women, he just immediately denied it and didn’t even let me speak or listen to me

Question 30

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, STILL LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY he has come to his conclusion and the psychological framework behind it - HE IS NOT STUPID and he is likely right.

Imagine if when I raised him looking at women, he just immediately denied it and didn’t even let me speak or listen to me.
Even when Jay was very, very defensive, he still what?

Answer 30

Even when Jay was very, very defensive, he still listened to me

Question 31

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I think Jay is completely wrong or I don’t agree, LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY HE THINKS IT FIRST.

How Jay feels and his conclusions, even if I don’t agree, are always reasonable and understandable, so if I think I am right or he is wrong, UNDERSTAND WHAT HE THINKS AND WHY AND LISTEN, FIRST.

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, THIS is the most important time for me to do what?

Answer 31

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, THIS is the most important time for me to LISTEN and UNDERSTAND and VALIDATE Jay’s perspective and feelings

Question 32

Even if I thought Jay was completely wrong, DON’T just INTERRUPT or IMMEDIATELY DENY IT or NOT EVEN LET HIM SPEAK.

Even if I think Jay is completely wrong or I don’t agree, LISTEN and UNDERSTAND WHY HE THINKS IT FIRST.

How Jay feels and his conclusions, even if I don’t agree, are always reasonable and understandable, so if I think I am right or he is wrong, UNDERSTAND WHAT HE THINKS AND WHY AND LISTEN, FIRST.

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, THIS is the most important time for me to LISTEN and UNDERSTAND and VALIDATE Jay’s perspective and feelings.

And if I DON’T LISTEN and get defensive when Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, it is what?

Answer 32

And if I DON’T LISTEN and get defensive when Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, it is the most damaging and hurtful for Jay

Question 33

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, THIS is the most important time for me to LISTEN and UNDERSTAND and VALIDATE Jay’s perspective and feelings.

And if I DON’T LISTEN and get defensive when Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, it is the most damaging and hurtful for Jay.

By approaching problems with me being vulnerable and being willing to be wrong, and showing this by what?

Answer 33

By approaching problems with me being vulnerable and being willing to be wrong, and showing this by truly listening to Jay and understanding what he is thinking, why, and how he feels

Question 34

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, THIS is the most important time for me to LISTEN and UNDERSTAND and VALIDATE Jay’s perspective and feelings.

And if I DON’T LISTEN and get defensive when Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, it is the most damaging and hurtful for Jay.

By approaching problems with me being vulnerable and being willing to be wrong, and showing this by truly listening to Jay and understanding what he is thinking, why, and how he feels, I will what?

Answer 34

By approaching problems with me being vulnerable and being willing to be wrong, and showing this by truly listening to Jay and understanding what he is thinking, why, and how he feels, I will:
1. Be being kind, compassionate and considerate of Jay and his feelings
2. Make Jay feel safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved

Question 35

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, what is my first priority?

Answer 35

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, my first priority is:
1. Being kind and vulnerable
2. Not hurting Jay

Question 36

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, my first priority is being kind and vulnerable and not hurting Jay.
This means …?

Answer 36

This means listening to Jay and understanding what he is thinking, why, and how he feels, first

Question 37

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, my first priority is being kind and vulnerable and not hurting Jay.
This means listening to Jay and understanding what he is thinking, why, and how he feels, first, and in turn, doing what?

Answer 37

This means listening to Jay and understanding what he is thinking, why, and how he feels, first, and in turn, making Jay feel safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved

Question 38

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, my first priority is being kind and vulnerable and not hurting Jay.
This means listening to Jay and understanding what he is thinking, why, and how he feels, first, and in turn, making Jay feel safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved.

My first priority ISN’T defending myself, so I need to be what?

Answer 38

My first priority ISN’T defending myself, so I need to be willing to be wrong and be vulnerable and kind and understanding

Question 39

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, my first priority is being kind and vulnerable and not hurting Jay.
This means listening to Jay and understanding what he is thinking, why, and how he feels, first, and in turn, making Jay feel safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved.

My first priority ISN’T defending myself, so I need to be willing to be wrong and be vulnerable and kind and understanding.

Jay said himself sometimes he will get triggered by unreasonable things, but even then, me listening to his feelings and understanding them and validating them is STILL what?

Answer 39

Jay said himself sometimes he will get triggered by unreasonable things, but even then, me listening to his feelings and understanding them and validating them is STILL THE most important and my number one priority

Question 40

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, if I don’t want to make him feel worse, what do I need to do?

Answer 40

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, if I don’t want to make him feel worse, I need to be vulnerable and kind and listen to him

Question 41

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, if I don’t want to make him feel worse, I need to be vulnerable and kind and listen to him.

Otherwise, I will be doing what?

Answer 41

Otherwise, I will be disrespecting him, ignoring him and making him feel so much worse and more and more triggered

Question 42

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, if I don’t want to make him feel worse, I need to be vulnerable and kind and listen to him.

Otherwise, I will be disrespecting him, ignoring him and making him feel so much worse and more and more triggered, when it is the most crucial time for me to do what?

Answer 42

Otherwise, I will be disrespecting him, ignoring him and making him feel so much worse and more and more triggered, when it is the most crucial time for me to:
1. Be kind and vulnerable
2. Listen to him and understand him
3. Be there for him

Question 43

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, if I don’t want to make him feel worse, I need to be vulnerable and kind and listen to him.

Otherwise, I will be disrespecting him, ignoring him and making him feel so much worse and more and more triggered, when it is the most crucial time for me to be kind and vulnerable and listen to him and understand him and be there for him, and when me not listening to him causes the most what?

Answer 43

Otherwise, I will be disrespecting him, ignoring him and making him feel so much worse and more and more triggered, when it is the most crucial time for me to:
1. Be kind and vulnerable
2. Listen to him and understand him
3. Be there for him
,and when me not listening to him causes the most damage

Question 44

When Jay is angry, he is HURT.

For him, it is not possible for him to feel pain without anger.

EVERYTHING Jay does when triggered, is him trying to get reassurance.

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, how should I approach it?

Answer 44

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, approach it:
1. With kindness and vulnerability and wanting to be there for Jay and make him feel better and us be okay
2. As I am going to get anger, but Jay will be okay and I will be okay

Question 45

When Jay is angry, he is HURT.

For him, it is not possible for him to feel pain without anger.

EVERYTHING Jay does when triggered, is him trying to get reassurance.

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, approach it with kindness and vulnerability and wanting to be there for Jay and make him feel better and us be okay and as I am going to get anger, but Jay will be okay and I will be okay - he’s not going to …?

Answer 45

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, approach it:
1. With kindness and vulnerability and wanting to be there for Jay and make him feel better and us be okay
2. As I am going to get anger, but Jay will be okay and I will be okay - he’s not going to leave

Question 46

When Jay is angry, he is HURT.

For him, it is not possible for him to feel pain without anger.

EVERYTHING Jay does when triggered, is him trying to get reassurance.

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, approach it with kindness and vulnerability and wanting to be there for Jay and make him feel better and us be okay and as I am going to get anger, but Jay will be okay and I will be okay - he’s not going to leave.
He just wants what?

Answer 46

He just wants:
1. To be heard and understood
2. Reassurance

Question 47

If I want to RESOLVE problems and to make Jay FEEL BETTER and for Jay and me to be okay and HAPPY, healthy and STABLE, what do I need to do first, when Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong?

Answer 47

If I want to RESOLVE problems and to make Jay FEEL BETTER and for Jay and me to be okay and HAPPY, healthy and STABLE, I need to:
1. Be kind and vulnerable
2. LISTEN to Jay and understand his perspective first
,when Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong

Question 48

By holding onto what I know, instead of truly listening to Jay and understanding his perspective and feelings and validating them, I only do what?

Answer 48

By holding onto what I know, instead of truly listening to Jay and understanding his perspective and feelings and validating them, I only confirm his fears

Question 49

By holding onto what I know, instead of truly listening to Jay and understanding his perspective and feelings and validating them, I only confirm his fears, because I do what?

Answer 49

By holding onto what I know, instead of truly listening to Jay and understanding his perspective and feelings and validating them, I only confirm his fears, because I act guilty by not listening to him or even wanting to understand why he thinks I have done something wrong

Question 50

By holding onto what I know, instead of truly listening to Jay and understanding his perspective and feelings and validating them, I only confirm his fears, because I act guilty by not listening to him or even wanting to understand why he thinks I have done something wrong.
This is why he …?

Answer 50

This is why he gets MORE triggered and feels worse

Question 51

By holding onto what I know, instead of truly listening to Jay and understanding his perspective and feelings and validating them, I only confirm his fears, because I act guilty by not listening to him or even wanting to understand why he thinks I have done something wrong.
This is why he gets MORE triggered and feels worse.

A person who cares more about the truth and Jay and his feelings, rather than defending myself, would do what?

Answer 51

A person who cares more about the truth and Jay and his feelings, rather than defending myself, would listen and understand Jay’s perspective first, before talking about their own

Question 52

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, go into it as if I don’t even know what …?

Answer 52

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, go into it as if I don’t even know what I have done

Question 53

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, go into it as if I don’t even know what I have done, like what?

Answer 53

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, go into it as if I don’t even know what I have done, like:
1. Someone who is learning and willing to be wrong
2. When I listen to his rants

Question 54

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, go into it as if I don’t even know what I have done, like someone who is learning and willing to be wrong and like when I listen to his rants.

What have I done wrong? How has it affected Jay? That’s completely what?

Answer 54

That’s completely understandable and valid

Question 55

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, go into it as if I don’t even know what I have done, like someone who is learning and willing to be wrong and like when I listen to his rants.

What have I done wrong? How has it affected Jay? That’s completely understandable and valid, I’m …?

Answer 55

That’s completely understandable and valid, I’m really sorry

Question 56

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, go into it as if I don’t even know what I have done, like someone who is learning and willing to be wrong and like when I listen to his rants.

What have I done wrong? How has it affected Jay? That’s completely understandable and valid, I’m really sorry.

Be kind, vulnerable and show genuine what?

Answer 56

Be kind, vulnerable and show genuine humility

Question 57

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, go into it as if I don’t even know what I have done, like someone who is learning and willing to be wrong and like when I listen to his rants.

Be kind, vulnerable and show genuine humility.

Jay is most likely right - he is extremely intelligent and makes everything EASY for me.

Jay knows more than I do and is understanding too. For example, with the white racism example, he said himself something like how he also would see black racism as more serious. He knew more than I did on when I was dishonest in regards to Tom. Jay knows more than I do and is likely right.

If I have done something wrong, if there is something that incriminates me or makes me look bad, if it is the truth, then be what?

Answer 57

If I have done something wrong, if there is something that incriminates me or makes me look bad, if it is the truth, then be:
1. Honest to myself
2. Vulnerable
3. Willing to be wrong

Question 58

If I have done something wrong, if there is something that incriminates me or makes me look bad, if it is the truth, then be honest to myself, vulnerable and willing to be wrong.

It could help to imagine what?

Answer 58

It could help to imagine:
1. If the roles were reversed and Jay did what I did
Or,
2. If another person did it

Question 59

When Jay is triggered, or is bothered by something, or we are in a problem, or I have done something wrong, go into it as if I don’t even know what I have done, like someone who is learning and willing to be wrong and like when I listen to his rants.

Be kind, vulnerable and show genuine humility.

Jay is most likely right - he is extremely intelligent and makes everything EASY for me.

Jay knows more than I do and is understanding too. For example, with the white racism example, he said himself something like how he also would see black racism as more serious. He knew more than I did on when I was dishonest in regards to Tom. Jay knows more than I do and is likely right.

If I have done something wrong, if there is something that incriminates me or makes me look bad, if it is the truth, then be honest to myself, vulnerable and willing to be wrong.

Even if I have done something wrong, Jay …:

Answer 59

Even if I have done something wrong, Jay:
1. Isn’t going to leave
2. Just wants to be heard and get reassurance and love

Question 60

It doesn’t have to be me agreeing or disagreeing with Jay and so not even listening to him or understanding his perspective or even letting him speak - there’s so many things I can do in between that he has told me.

LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND HIS PERSPECTIVE FIRST, THEN what?

Answer 60

LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND HIS PERSPECTIVE FIRST, THEN validate how he feels

Question 61

It doesn’t have to be me agreeing or disagreeing with Jay and so not even listening to him or understanding his perspective or even letting him speak - there’s so many things I can do in between that he has told me.

LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND HIS PERSPECTIVE FIRST, THEN validate how he feels, THEN what?

Answer 61

LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND HIS PERSPECTIVE FIRST, THEN validate how he feels, THEN disagree

Question 62

It doesn’t have to be me agreeing or disagreeing with Jay and so not even listening to him or understanding his perspective or even letting him speak - there’s so many things I can do in between that he has told me.

LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND HIS PERSPECTIVE FIRST, THEN validate how he feels, THEN disagree.
What will this also do?

Answer 62

This will also calm Jay down

Question 63

It doesn’t have to be me agreeing or disagreeing with Jay and so not even listening to him or understanding his perspective or even letting him speak - there’s so many things I can do in between that he has told me.

LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND HIS PERSPECTIVE FIRST, THEN validate how he feels, THEN disagree.
This will also calm Jay down, why?

Answer 63

This will also calm Jay down, because he will feel safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved

Question 64

It doesn’t have to be me agreeing or disagreeing with Jay and so not even listening to him or understanding his perspective or even letting him speak - there’s so many things I can do in between that he has told me.

LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND HIS PERSPECTIVE FIRST, THEN validate how he feels, THEN disagree.
This will also calm Jay down, because he will feel safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved.

Like when we spoke about the white racism situation, Jay was angry, but after I listened to him, understood his perspective and validated how he felt, what did he say?

Answer 64

Like when we spoke about the white racism situation, Jay was angry, but after I listened to him, understood his perspective and validated how he felt, he said he is calmer now

Question 65

It doesn’t have to be me agreeing or disagreeing with Jay and so not even listening to him or understanding his perspective or even letting him speak - there’s so many things I can do in between that he has told me.

LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND HIS PERSPECTIVE FIRST, THEN validate how he feels, THEN disagree.
This will also calm Jay down, because he will feel safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved.

Like when we spoke about the white racism situation, Jay was angry, but after I listened to him, understood his perspective and validated how he felt, he said he is calmer now and I …?

Answer 65

Like when we spoke about the white racism situation, Jay was angry, but after I listened to him, understood his perspective and validated how he felt, he said he is calmer now and I saw it too

Question 66

It doesn’t have to be me agreeing or disagreeing with Jay and so not even listening to him or understanding his perspective or even letting him speak - there’s so many things I can do in between that he has told me.

LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND HIS PERSPECTIVE FIRST, THEN validate how he feels, THEN disagree.
This will also calm Jay down, because he will feel safe, heard, listened to, respected, cared for and loved.

Like when we spoke about the white racism situation, Jay was angry, but after I listened to him, understood his perspective and validated how he felt, he said he is calmer now and I saw it too.
He was then also what too?

Answer 66

He was then also understanding of me too

Question 67

When I am holding onto what I know and being defensive and not listening or understanding Jay, not only am I ignoring him, disrespecting him and making him much worse, but I make him feel rejected, abandoned, uncared for and unloved, why?

Answer 67

When I am holding onto what I know and being defensive and not listening or understanding Jay, not only am I ignoring him, disrespecting him and making him much worse, but I make him feel rejected, abandoned, uncared for and unloved, because I don’t show any:
1. Patience
2. Tenderness
3. Care
4. Love