03/03/2023 Flashcards
I think specificity means saying more things and going into more detail, but …?
I think specificity means saying more things and going into more detail, but if I’m what I’ve said already isn’t clear to Jay
I think specificity means saying more things and going into more detail, but if I’m what I’ve said already isn’t clear to Jay, then …?
I think specificity means saying more things and going into more detail, but if I’m what I’ve said already isn’t clear to Jay, then more detail and more words doesn’t make it clear
It makes it even less clear
I think specificity means saying more things and going into more detail, but if I’m what I’ve said already isn’t clear to Jay, then more detail and more words doesn’t make it clear
It makes it even less clear.
That’s not what specificity means.
In fact,
In fact, the clearest explanation of anything is always the shortest possible explanation that encapsulates everything
I think specificity means saying more things and going into more detail, but if I’m what I’ve said already isn’t clear to Jay, then more detail and more words doesn’t make it clear
It makes it even less clear.
That’s not what specificity means.
In fact, the clearest explanation of anything is always the shortest possible explanation that encapsulates everything.
More concise = ?
More concise = Shorter
‘Another thing you must remember.’
Jay doesn’t have much empathy.
It’s complicated because he can experience deep empathy and is very capable of feeling emotionally impacted by knowing people or beings are suffering.
But:
He is very bad at understanding …?
He is very bad at understanding -what- people are feeling
‘Another thing you must remember.’
Jay doesn’t have much empathy.
It’s complicated because he can experience deep empathy and is very capable of feeling emotionally impacted by knowing people or beings are suffering.
But:
He is very bad at understanding -what- people are feeling.
He has very little capacity to understand …?
He has very little capacity to understand -how- someone might be feeling, outside of:
1. Good
Or,
2. Bad
‘Another thing you must remember.’
Jay doesn’t have much empathy.
It’s complicated because he can experience deep empathy and is very capable of feeling emotionally impacted by knowing people or beings are suffering.
But:
He is very bad at understanding -what- people are feeling.
He has very little capacity to understand -how- someone might be feeling, outside of good or bad.
I also explain it quite poorly. For example, ‘really struggling’ is vague - it only tells him that what I am going through is tough.
I could have simply said:
‘I feel bad/stressed that we can’t be together and I can’t ease your stress
Because I know we can’t have certainty and be together yet, and the reason for that is because I need to process things and deal with what’s happening before I feel able to do things a better way going forwards.
I also am feeling stressed that maybe it was wrong of me to send messages.’
This is a much better explanation than what I said.
It is way, way more clear, way easier to understand, makes sense (what I said didn’t), uses far less words, and it actually …?
It:
1. Is way, way more clear
2. Way easier to understand
3. Makes sense (what I said didn’t)
4. Uses far less words
and
5. It actually links feelings to events
Before I say anything, not only my answers to questions, check that it …?
Before I say anything, not only my answers to questions, check that it:
1. Is clear and easy to understand and follow - that it actually makes sense
2. Is concise
Jay doesn’t understand what I mean when I explain my feelings to him at all.
What do I need to do?
I need to:
1. Say how something has made me feel first - tell Jay exactly what I’m feeling
2. What has triggered the feeling (why)
and
3. Why it has triggered the feeling
Jay doesn’t understand what I mean when I explain my feelings to him at all.
I need to say how something has made me feel first - tell Jay exactly what I’m feeling, what has triggered the feeling (why) and why it has triggered the feeling.
I also need to do this without using …?
I also need to do this without using so many words
I thought ‘and this made me feel like we should establish certainty’ was enough.
It wasn’t, because it wasn’t clear or specific.
Why wasn’t it clear or specific?
It wasn’t clear or specific because:
1. I didn’t start with how I felt - I wasn’t specific about what exactly I was feeling
2. I didn’t explain how what I’m feeling relates to what he had said
I thought ‘and this made me feel like we should establish certainty’ was enough.
It wasn’t, because it wasn’t clear or specific.
It wasn’t clear or specific because I didn’t start with how I felt - I wasn’t specific about what exactly I was feeling and I didn’t explain how what I’m feeling relates to what he had said.
What would specific be?
Specific would be:
‘I feel stressed because it made me feel pressure to establish certainty right now or in as short a time as possible’
When I am not clear, concise, specific and when I don’t make sense, which is all the time, it is very stressful for Jay.
When Jay is already triggered, it makes him angry, because he is already highly stressed and it makes him even more stressed.
The lack of a solid, proper explanation that actually makes sense and is clear and concise also does what?
The lack of a solid, proper explanation that actually makes sense and is clear and concise also makes the thing Jay fears when triggered look even more likely and plausible
When I am not clear, concise, specific and when I don’t make sense, which is all the time, it is very stressful for Jay.
When Jay is already triggered, it makes him angry, because he is already highly stressed and it makes him even more stressed.
The lack of a solid, proper explanation that actually makes sense and is clear and concise also makes the thing Jay fears when triggered look even more likely and plausible, so he can go from quite triggered to …, quickly?
The lack of a solid, proper explanation that actually makes sense and is clear and concise also makes the thing Jay fears when triggered look even more likely and plausible, so he can go from quite triggered to really, really triggered, quickly
When I am not clear, concise, specific and when I don’t make sense, which is all the time, it is very stressful for Jay.
When Jay is already triggered, it makes him angry, because he is already highly stressed and it makes him even more stressed.
The lack of a solid, proper explanation that actually makes sense and is clear and concise also makes the thing Jay fears when triggered look even more likely and plausible, so he can go from quite triggered to really, really triggered, quickly.
Thus, I really, really need to make sure I what?
Thus, I really, really need to make sure I:
1. Am as clear and concise as possible
2. Actually make sense
