10 Stage Model of Relationships Flashcards
10 Stages
- Initiating stage
- Experimenting stage
- Intensifying stage
- Integrating stage
- Bonding stage
- Differentiating stage
- Circumscribing stage
- Stagnation stage
- Avoiding
- Terminating
Initiating stage
-begin to show you’re interested
-often brief, phatic communication, small talk
-show that you’re an interesting person
Experimenting stage
-search for common ground and favorable characteristics by asking questions
-helps you decide if a person is worth pursuing
-more self-disclosure, especially if you like what you hear
Intensifying stage
-relationship develops at this stage
-direct expressions of liking/loving
-spending more time together, doing favors, getting to know each other’s friends and families
-increasing commitments
-there are still doubts so there’s a test of commitment (such as tests of jealousy)
Integrating stage
-you take on an identity as a unit
-acknowledgment that they’re a couple
-social circles emerge as a unit
-couples take on each other’s commitments (e.g. Thanksgiving with the other’s family)
-common property (apartments, pets)
-establishing common idioms that have meaning only to them (e.g. nicknames)
-sense of obligation grows, providing resources
-requests are made more straightforwardly
Bonding stage
-a public symbolic gesture that shows the relationship exists (e.g. married in public, wearing the other’s scrunchie on their wrist, changing Facebook relationship status)
-public declaration creates social support for the relationship
Differentiating stage
-still a need to be an individual so may try to establish an individual identity
-focus on the “I” instead of the “we”
-increasing conflicts
Ex: husband going to family reunion while wife wants to stay home to read
-key to successful differentiating shows commitment but reserves space for being an individual
Circumscribing stage
-when there begins to be a decline in quality and quantity of communication
-hints of dissatisfaction
-Ex: working late to avoid the other
-might try to hide the decline from others and themself
-withdrawal from the person instead of talking about problems
-commitment can begin to shrink
Stagnation stage
-behaving in familiar ways but without much feeling, just going through the motions
-no signs of joy
Avoiding
-begin creating distance, maybe under the guise of excuses
Ex: “I’m too busy”
-distance may be created more directly (“I don’t want to talk to you”)
Terminating
-the end of a relationship
-might include a summary dialogue of where the relationship went
-different ways to end a relationship
-can be short or long, sometimes it actually isn’t terminated
-strategy depends on the intimacy that has been achieved
Different strategies to end a relationship (5)
- Cost Escalation strategy
- Pseudo-Descalation
- Withdrawal
- Fait Accompli
- State of the relationship talk
Cost Escalation strategy
someone wants to end the relationship but doesn’t have the guts to do it, so they raise the costs to make the other end it
(e.g. cheating)
Pseudo-Descalation strategy
someone wants to end the relationship but won’t say it, may try to deescalate the relationship
ex: “let’s take a few steps back”
Withdrawal
reducing contact
-can occur at different speeds
-ex: not responding to texts or calls
