Romantic Relationships Flashcards
Physical Attraction
High arousal, passion & sex.
Love
Includes emotional intimacy, affection & fulfillment of psychological needs.
What are the three types of attachments?
- Secure
- Avoidant
- Anxious Ambivalent
Attatchment
The process of becoming emotionally attached to a romantic partner.
What is secure attachment?
Feel comfortable getting close to and depending on others.
What is avoidant?
Feel uncomfortable getting close to or depending on others.
What is anxious ambivalent?
Strong desire to get close to others, but a strong fear of abandonment & rejection.
Development of Early Adult Romantic Relationships
Early experiences in family of origin affect the way people approach & understand relationships.
What are the 3 premises on Development of Early Adult Romantic Relationships?
- People develop models from observing family (e.g: model for what a romantic relationship is supposed to be)
- People develop habits from interacting with family of origin (e.g: communication style)
- Family experiences can facilitate or constrain effective relationship processes.
Matching principle
Tendency for people to get into relationship w/ those of similar attractiveness.
Hard to get effect
Tendency to prefer people who are highly selective in their social choice over those who are readily available
Proximity
Geographic nearness or functional distance is associated with increased liking
Miscommunication & Flirting (henningsen, 2014)
- Results: Men more likely to attribute any form of flirting as sexually motivated.
- Women more likely to attribute flirting to a desire to advance the relationship or have fun.
What are some irrational relationship beliefs?
- Partners can’t change
- Any disagreement is destructive
- Partners should be able to read mind
- Sexual perfection for every sexual experience
Romantic fantasies & women’s interest in power (Rudman & Heppen, 2003)
- Results: Implicit endorsement of normative romantic fantasies was associated w/ lower levels of interest in personal power.
- No relationship was found for men.
Rejection expectancies & self-fulfilling prophecy (Downey, 1998)
• Those with significant rejection expectancies were more likely to elicit rejection from their dating partners.
Level match
- to the degree that your partner matches the precise “amounts” you would like of him or her on certain characteristics.
- e.g: on a scale of 1 - 10 on humor your match should have an 8
Pattern match
- How a partner matches on the relative importance of certain characteristics in relation to other characteristics – regardless of precise amounts.
- e.g: wants a 9=honesty & 7=humor, person is 7=honesty, 5=humor.
Level Match Vs. Pattern Match Study
• Couples that focused on pattern match were 3x less likely to get divorced compared to those focused on level match.
Four “horsemen of the apocalypse”
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
Negotiation
- A process by which 2 parties communicate with each other in order to reach an outcome on which they mutually agree.
- All 4 profiles of dealing w/ conflict are usually in different situations.
What are some negotiation styles?
- competing
- avoiding
- collaborating
- Accommodating
Four “horsemen of the apocalypse” – Critisism
Attacking partners personality/character (e.g: you always.. you never)
Four “horsemen of the apocalypse” – Contempt
Attacking your partners sense of self with the intention to insult or abuse him or her. Name calling, hostile humor, sarcasm.
Four “horsemen of the apocalypse” – Defensiveness
Seeing self as victim, warding off attack, making excuses (it’s not my fault), cross complaining,yes-butting.
Four “horsemen of the apocalypse” – Stonewalling
Withdrawing from relationship to avoid argument (silence, disconnection, distance)
Negotiation – Competing
• Results-oriented, focused on the bottom line
Negotiation – Avoiding
- Passive
- Prefer to avoid conflict
- make attempts to withdrawal from the situation
Negotiation – Collaborating
- Use open & honest communication
* Focused on finding solution that mutually satisfies BOTH parties
Negotiation – Accomodating
- Focused on maintaining relationship w/ other party
- Smooth over conflict
- Most concerned w/ satisfying needs of other party.
Factors that improve negotiation (getting to a solution)
- Search for clarity – what does the other person exactly want? Don’t assume.
- Show patience
- Avoid the presumption of evil or ill-will – if you assume the worst, you will act the worst.
- Break down bigger issues into smaller ones – try to keep breaking the problem down to get to a smaller solution.
- (Sometimes) focus on the problem, rather than solution – allows for common solution (worked on together)
- Admit error & apologize
Improving communication
- Try not to focus on who’s right & who’s wrong
- Sometimes need to “agree to disagree” or not say everything you want to – lose the battle, win the war.
- Don’t rub your partners nose in a misstep or mistake – try not to look at it as who is winning. Theoretically you are a team.
- Try to have fights in private. (w/ kids=reduces modeling, w/ friends around can instigate situation)
- Try to put angry emotions aside or come back to discussion later.
General factors to improve relationship (gottman,2000)
- Try to accentuate the positive, rather than eliminate the negative
- Create mutually meaningful goals (similarity is a stronger predictor of relationship success than dissimilarity)
- Improve communication during fights
Excitation Transfer
residual excitation from one stimulus will amplify the excitatory response to another stimulus
Attatchment style
The way a person typically interacts with significant others
Triangular Theory of love
Proposes that there are 3 love basic components
(1) Intimacy
(2) Passion
(3) Commitment
Passionate love
High arousal, intense attraction, fear of rejection
Compassionate love
Secure, trusting, stable partnership
Need for affiliation
Desire to establish & maintain many rewarding interpersonal relationships
Mere exposure effect
Phenomenon where the more often people are exposed to a stimuli the more positive the stimuli is evaluated.
What-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype
Belief that attractive people also posses desirable personality characteristics
Intimate relationship
Close relationship between 2 adults that involve emotional attachment, fulfillment of psychological needs or interdependence.
Social exchange theory
Perspective that sees people as motivated to maximize benefits & minimize costs in their relationship w/ others
Equity theory
Suggests that people are most satisfied in a relationship when the ratio between benefits & contributions is similar for both partners
Exchange relationship
Benefits are given w/ the expectation of receiving a comparable benefit in the future or in return for a benefit already received.
Communal relationship
Participants expect & desire mutual responsiveness to each others needs (regardless of benefits).
