LECUTRE 8: RELATIONAL MAINTENANCE Flashcards
Relational Maintenance
- Keeping relationship going & satisfied
Relational Maintenance refers to what part of the relational pyramid?
Integrating > bonding > Differentiating > circumscribing
7 Relational Maintenance Strategies
Positivity Openness Assurances Social Networks Sharing Tasks Conflict Management Joint Activities
Relational Maintenance Strategies: Positivity
Refers to the kinds of behaviors that we engage in that let’s our partner know we’re excited/happy etc. to see them/be around them
Positivity has a ____ correlation with high relational satisfaction
STRONG
Relational Maintenance Strategies: Openness
Basically self-disclosure
Sharing what you’re thinking/feeling about life with your partner
Openness has a _____ relationship with satisfaction
Curvilinear
Relational Maintenance Strategies: Assurances
The things we say/do that communicate to our partners that we are not going anywhere
- Communicating that we’re committed
Assurances has a _____ _____ correlation relational commitment
Strong POSITIVE
Relational Maintenance Strategies: Social Networks
Willing to invest and spend time with your partner’s social networks
Relational Maintenance Strategies: Sharing Tasks
Willing to help people out when needed, like favors
Relational Maintenance Strategies: Conflict Management
Willing to engage in the conflict
Try to work out the conflict in the best way possible
Relational Maintenance Strategies: Joint Activities
Doing/spending time together
Primary Love STYLES (2)
Passionate
Companionate
Passionate Love
State of extreme absorption
Intense feelings all over
Usually comes on quickly….but also can fade just as fast
Companionate Love
Friendly/deep affect
Less intense
Endures after passion evaporates
Primary Love TYPES (3)
Eros
Storge
Ludus
Eros
Similar to passionate love
Tend to have > relational satisfaction
- Passion, Chemistry, Excitement
Storge
Friendship Love
Compatibility
Can be boring
Ludus
Those who enjoy the chase over the conquest
Game players
Secondary Love TYPES (3)
Mania
Agape
Pragma
Mania
Eros + Ludus
- High passion and game playing put together
- Think of a roller coaster
- A lot of distrust
- High degree of jealousy/possessiveness
Agape
Storge & Eros
- Unconditional Love
- Agape love = Jesus love (1 Corinthians 13)
- Putting other’s love before your own
- Can be bad –> pedestal effect
Pragma
Storge & Ludus
- Thought out on what you want
- Thing of the checklist in Ugly Truth
- High degree of companionability
- Can be boring if no sign passion is on the list
Relational Dialectics Theory
- The concept of contradiction
- Things exist in opposition
- Tensions exist in our relationships pulling us apart
Dialectics (Tensions) (3)
Autonomy > Togetherness
Novelty > Predictability
Expressive > Protective
Autonomy vs. Togetherness
Autonomy = sense of self
Togetherness = everything you do, you do as a couple
You and your partner = in different places –> Must negotiate
Novelty
Everything is new
Don’t know what’ll happen next
Behaving differently than you’re used to
Two ways you can RESPOND to dialectical tensions (don’t always work)
Destructively
Constructively
Responding DESTRUCTIVELY to dialectical tensions
Denial
Disorientation
Destructive response to dialectical tensions: Denial
The inability to see that there is a problem present
Ignoring the issue
Destructive response to dialectical tensions: Disorientation
Freaking the fuck out
Lashing out
Fleeing the relationship
Incapable of dealing with the issue
Responding CONSTRUCTIVELY to dialectical tensions
Spiraling Alteration
Segmentation
Balance
- All suggest how we are willing to make the relationship work
Constructive response to dialectical tensions: Spiraling Alteration
Moving back and forth between autonomy and togetherness as a way to keep the relationship going
Constructive response to dialectical tensions: Segmentation
Compartmentalizing the relationship
Carve out things in the relationship to meet needs
Constructive response to dialectical tensions: Balance
How do we find our happy place?
What do we need to do & how do we adjust?