LECTURE 10: GOTTMAN'S RELATIONAL RESEARCH

Question 1

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Answer 1

• Criticism
• Defensiveness
• Contempt
• Stonewalling

Question 2

Criticism

Answer 2

Attacking the person’s personality/character rather than the behavior

Question 3

Criticism antidote

Answer 3

Complaining directed at the behavior

Question 4

Defensiveness

Answer 4

Defending yourself when criticized

Question 5

Cross complaining

Answer 5

Bickering back and forth not actually responding to the original criticism

Question 6

Defensiveness antidote

Answer 6

• Accept responsibility

- be accountable for yourself

Question 7

Contempt

Answer 7

Deliberately insulting and psychologically abusing a relational partner

Question 8

Contempt antidote

Answer 8

Culture of appreciation

Question 9

Stonewalling

Answer 9

Lack of interaction

Question 10

Stonewalling antidote

Answer 10

• Leaning into the relationship even if you don’t want to

- Physically forcing yourself to take a step towards your partner

Question 11

Out of the four horsemen, which is the best leading predictor of divorce?

Answer 11

Contempt

Question 12

Gottman’s Relationship Ratios

Answer 12

• Ratio of positives vs. negatives

- Goal is to achieve more positivity than negativity

Question 13

Gottman’s Relationship Ratios: In relationships that stay together

Answer 13

5:1

Question 14

Gottman’s Relationship Ratios: Divorce

Answer 14

0.8:1

Question 15

Gottman’s Relationship Ratios: Happy couples

Answer 15

20:1

Question 16

Concession

Answer 16

Accounter confesses or admits to the act in question

Question 17

Four things that takes place in order for it to be a full apology

Answer 17

• Regret/remorse
• Acknowledge the hurt
• Responsibility
• Remedy

Question 18

Function of concession

Answer 18

To repair the relationship

Question 19

Appeasement

Answer 19

• An attempt to make things better by being helpful or nice
• Tye to make things better by doing things for them –> compliments, gift giving, expressions of love, spending extra time together

Question 20

Function of Appeasement

Answer 20

compensate for hurtful behavior

Question 21

Appropriate use of Concession

Answer 21

• voluntary
• given before being caught
• serious transgressions require more complete apologies

Question 22

Appropriate use of Appeasement

Answer 22

• Works well with an apology –> remedy

- not uncommon to see appeasement and concession working together

Question 23

Excuses

Answer 23

An admission that the action occurred, BUT you claim not to be fully responsible for it

Question 24

Function of Excuses

Answer 24

Attempt to exonerate yourself of responsibility

Question 25

Appropriate use of Excuses

Answer 25

• As long as used in moderation = works well

- Effective in relational repair

Question 26

Justifications

Answer 26

• Taking responsibility for act
• Deny that it was harmful
• Try to claim that it actually had positive consequences

Question 27

Function of Justification

Answer 27

Makes the action seem less negative

“Yes I left the door unlocked, but nothing happened”

Question 28

Refusals

Answer 28

• Denies the act occurred

- Denies responsibility

Question 29

Most polite accounts to the least

Answer 29

• Concession
• Appeasement
• Excuse
• Justification
• Refusals