LECTURE 11: ENDING RELATIONSHIPS Flashcards
Attribution
Assessments of the cause of an action or behavior of other people
- Helps us predict what kind of stories we make
Factors we consider when making assessments
Locus of Control
Stability
Controllability
Intentionality
Locus of Control (2 types)
External
Internal
Internal Locus of Control
- You are responsible
- The cause of the event rests with the actor
External Locus of Control
- It rests with circumstances around you
- The cause of the event rests with the situation
3 things you look at to see if it is INTERNALLY or EXTERNALLY locused
- Consistency
- Distinctiveness
- Concensus
Distinctiveness
Behavior in question different in one situation than another?
Is this particular moment distinct from others
Consensus
Do others perceive the situation similarly
You know other people who have had the professor you have currently and they say that the class sucked AGREEING with your opinion. What type of consensus is this?
High Consensus
You have a professor your friends have had in the past and they DISAGREE with your opinion.
What type of consensus is this?
Low Consensus
When all 3 characteristics are HIGH
likely to attribute the behavior to EXTERNAL causes
When all 3 characteristics are LOW
Likely to attribute the behavior INTERNALLY
Stable Attribution
The cause of the event is ALWAYS present
- EX. Being late for a date at 6 because of traffic (rush hour)
Unstable Attribution
The cause of the event happens over time
- Being late for a date at 2 due to a bad accident (Unpredictable)
Controllable Attribution
The “actor” cannot affect the cause that influences an event
Uncontrollable Attribution
The cause of an event is beyond the “actor’s” influence
Intentional
The “actor” consciously CHOSE the action
Unintentional
The behavior was accidental
GOOD excuses consist of…
Unintentional
Unstable
Uncontrollable
External
BAD excuses consist of…
Intentional
Stable
Controllable
Internal
Attribution Errors (6)
- Fundamental (outward focused)
- Self-serving bias (inward focused)
- Negativity bias
- Positivity Bias
- Distress Maintaining Bias
- Relationship Enhancing Bias
Fundamental Attribution Error
- Something is negative, it is because you’re a bad person
- Something is positive = external
Self-Serving Bias
- When I do something great its because I’m awesome
- When I do something bad it’s because of everything else around me
Negativity Bias
Making negative conclusions about the issue/people very quickly
Positivity Bias
When I need people, tend to see them in a positive light
Distress Maintaining Bias
If in a bad place, more inclined to make negative assessments about behaviors
Relationship Enhancing Bias
If in a good place, seem to be more positive toward behavior
- Rose Colored Glasses
Social Exchange Theory
Explains and predicts WHY individuals develop some personal relationships while ending others
People want to ____ benefits and ____ costs
Maximize; Minimize
Minimax principle
Relational Rewards
Anything that you find enjoyable
Examples of Relational Rewards
- Companionship
- Trust
- Sex
- Social Networking
- Physical Commodities
Relational Costs
Anything you find unpleasant/can hinder you from achieving a goal
Examples of Relational Costs
- Time required to keep the relationship going
- Energy
- The inability to be in other relationships
- High expectations and you’re just not into it
____ - ____ = Outcome
Rewards - Costs = Outcome
When Rewards outweigh the Costs, what is the outcome value?
Positive Outcome Value
When Costs outweigh Rewards, What is the outcome value
Negative Outcome Value
Comparison Level (CL)
What you believe a relationship should be like vs. Reality
Comparison Level of Alternatives
What are the alternatives to staying in a relationship?
“I’m here… so what else can I get from this?”
Outcomes»_space;> CL = ____
Satisfied
- You’re going to be happy! :)
Outcomes «< CL = ____
Dissatisfied
Outcomes»_space;> CLalt = ____
Stay in the relationship
Outcomes «< CLalt = ____
Terminate the relationship
Reasons for Relational Termination (9)
- Infidelity
- Incompatibility
- Alcohol & Drugs
- Growing Apart
- Loss of Love
- WIthdrawal
- Negative Communication
- Lack of Openness and Intimacy
- Abusive Communication
Infidelity
- aka Cheating
- Number 1 reason for a marriage ending
Incompatibility
Opposites attract but that doesn’t mean they will stay together
Alcohol & Drugs:
Not necessarily the actual usage of the alcohol or drugs, but all the things that it leads up to…
Violence
Financial Stress
Job Instability
Growing Apart
- Atrophy
- Lack of relational Maintenance/Effort
- Dissimilar Interests
Loss of Love: Chronic dissatisfaction
- Always unhappy
- Nothing balances out
Loss of Love: Temporary Dissatisfaction
Only sometimes hence the temporary
Loss of Love: Relationship Disillusionment
- Noticing Things that you don’t like half of the things that this person actually does
- Realize you’re different in ways you didn’t know before
Withdrawal
- Lack of support/listening
- Demand-withdraw conflict patterns
Negative Communication
- Poor conflict management
- Negative emotional expression (Contempt, Sarcasm)
Lack of openness and Intimacy
- lack of:
- Emotional Connection
- Physical Intimacy
- Self-Disclosure
Abusive Communication: Physical
- Intimate terrorism
- Common Couple Violence
Intimate Terrorism
Relationship defined as the presence of violence
Asymmetrical
Common Couple Violence
Event centered
Symmetrical
Abusive Communication: Psychological
- Name calling
- Passive aggressiveness
- Consistency and level at which it is taken place at
Patterns of Negotiating Commitment (4)
- Linear process
- relational decline
Upward Relational Progressions - Turbulent relational progressions
Types of Post-Dissolutional Communication
- Positive Communication
- Occasional/Circumstantial Communication
- Rare, Awkward, or Negative Communication
- Absence of Communication
- No mention of P-D Communication
Positive Communication (break up)
- Continue to talk to them and have a positive friendship
- Usually leads to getting back together
Occasional/Circumstantial Communication
Periodically run into each other and catch up
Rare, Awkward, or Negative Communication
- The experience where one wants to rekindle the flame but the other does not
- No longer able to have a normal conversations with your ex
Absence of Communication
Done
caput
no longer interact
Impact of PDC
Adjustment
Anger
TIme
Adjustment Impact
Whether or not they had mentioned the type of communication with your ex
Anger Impact
- How angry are you about the break up?
- The more positive communication correlated with less anger
Time Impact
Couples either stay friends or just broke up and never spoke again
