Lecture 9 - Attraction and close relationships Flashcards
Attraction
A desire for voluntary relationship, sustained because the participants like each other
Close relationships
Intimacy, friendships, sharing, and love between two people
- Need for affiliation and need for intimacy
Why are we attracted to others?
- Proximity
- Similarity
- Physical attractiveness
Proximity
- We like others who are close to us
- The surprising aspect is the strength of the relationship
Boussard (1932) - A study of marriage license applications in Philadelphia
Found a negative relationship between the physical distance of the addresses and the number of applications
Festinger’s Study of Proximity
Few friendships cross floors (i.e., if had to go upstairs/downstairs), except for apartments at the bottom of steps or tops of steps
Why Does Physical Attraction Have Such An Effect?
- Immediacy – immediately notice
- Prestige – Halo effect
- Biology/evolution – better @ reproducing
Theories of attraction
- Reinforcement-Affect Model
- Social Exchange Theory
- Equity Theory
Reinforcement-Affect model
Attraction follows principles of learning
- If the presence of another is rewarding: We experience positive emotions
- Leads to increased attn
- and vice versa
Social exchange theory
A cost-benefit analysis of a relationship
- The perceived rewards and costs of the relationship
- A person’s expected rewards and costs (the comparison level)
- The rewards and costs of possible alternative relationships
Equity theory
The benefits a person receives from a relationship should be proportional to (but not necessarily equal to) the contributions a person makes
Sternberg’s (1986) triangular theory of love
o Passion
o Intimacy
o Commitment
Intimacy
Feeling close, connected, bonded
- Interdependent behavior and overlapping self-concepts
Passion
Romance; physical and sexual attraction
Commitment
A conscious decision to maintain the relationship over time
Attachment
A positive emotional bond that develops between two people
Infant attachment styles highlighted by
Ainsworth’s Strange Situation Test (1969)
How does the infant react to the mother when she returns? - secure
(70%)
- Infant is distressed when mom leaves and is comforted when she returns
How does the infant react to the mother when she returns? - avoidant
(20%)
- Infant does not cry when mom leaves and ignores her when she returns
How does the infant react to the mother when she returns? - anxious/ambivalent (resistant)
(10%)
- Infant cries when mom leaves and is not comforted when she returns
Attachment experiences help forge two working models
- model of self
2. model of others
Hazan and Shaver’s (1987) Adult Attachment Scale - secure
(56%)
- I find it easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them.
- I don’t often worry about being abandoned or someone getting too close to me
- Greater happiness, friendship and trust in romantic relationships
- Believe that romantic love can endure
Hazan and Shaver’s (1987) Adult Attachment Scale - avoidant
(25%)
- I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely.
- I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often love partners who want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being
- Likely to say romantic love rarely lasts
- Less trusting and accepting of romantic partners
Hazan and Shaver’s (1987) Adult Attachment Scale - anxious/ambivalent (resistant)
(20%)
- I find others are reluctant to get as close as I would like; I often worry that my partner does really love or won’t stay with me
- I want to get very close to my partner and this sometimes scares people away
- Greater jealousy and emotional extremes
- Heightened desires for relationships and reciprocity
Bolby suggested that there should actually be four attachment styles:
- Secure (+Self/+Other)
- Preoccupied (-Self/+Other)
- Dismissing (+Self/-Other)
- Fearful (-Self/-Other)
Secure
(+Self/+Other)
- An internalized sense of self-worth
- Comfort with intimacy in relationships
Preoccupied
(-Self/+Other)
- A deep sense of unworthiness/being unloveable
- Excessive closeness in personal relationships
- Extreme distress when intimacy needs are not met
Dismissing
(+Self/-Other)
- Deny the value of close relationships
- Stressing the importance of independence
Fearful
(-Self/-Other)
- Dependent on others for self-worth
- Shun intimacy to avoid loss or rejection
