Learning Activity 10

Question 1

What is conflict?

Answer 1

• An expressed struggle between at least two
  interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.

Question 2

Nature of conflict: An expressed struggle

Answer 2

• both parties must know that a problem exists before they’re in conflict. Up until that point, you’re in a fight “with yourself.”
• For example, you may be upset for months about a neighbor’s noisy music, but no conflict exists until the neighbor learns about the problem. You can show your displeasure nonverbally through a dirty look or the silent treatment.

Question 3

Nature of conflict: Perceived incompatible goals

Answer 3

• All conflicts appear as if one party’s gain is another’s loss.
• As long as they perceive their goals to be mutually exclusive, the conflict will continue to exist.

Question 4

Nature of conflict: perceived scare resources

Answer 4

• Conflicts also exist when people believe there isn’t enough of something to go around. Time is another scarce commodity. Many people struggle to meet the demands of school, work, family, and friends.
• Example, “If only there were more hours in the day,”

Question 5

Nature of conflict: interdependence

Answer 5

• Parties in conflict are usually interdependent: The welfare and satisfaction of one depend on the actions of the other.
• The first step toward resolving a conflict is adapting the attitude that “we’re all in this together.”

Question 6

Nature of conflict: interference from the other party

Answer 6

• A full-fledged conflict won’t occur until the participants act in ways that prevent one another from reaching their goals.
• For example, you might let some friends know that you object to their driving after drinking, but the conflict won’t escalate until you try to take away their keys.

Question 7

Conflict truths: Colfict is natural

Answer 7

• No matter how close, how understanding, and how compatible you are, there will be times when your ideas or actions or needs, or goals won’t match.
• For example, you like rap music, but your partner likes country; you want to see other people, but your partner wants to keep the relationship exclusive.

Question 8

Conflict truths: conflict can be beneficial

Answer 8

• Effective communication during conflicts can actually keep good relationships strong.
• People who use constructive problem-solving strategies are more satisfied with their relationships and with the outcomes of their conflicts.

Question 9

Conflict styles: Avoiding

Answer 9

• A lose-lose conflict style in which the parties ignore the problem at hand.
• occurs when people nonassertively stay away from conflict.
• You can avoid someone physically or conversationally (changing the topic, joking, denying that a problem exists), but this approach has its costs.

Question 10

Conflict styles: Accommodating

Answer 10

• A win-lose conflict style in which the communicator submits to a situation rather than attempting to have his or her needs met.
• Accommodating occurs when you give in to others rather than asserting your own point of view.

Question 11

Conflict styles: Competing

Answer 11

• The flip side of accommodating is competing. This win-lose approach involves high concern for self and low concern for others.
• A win-lose approach to conflicts that seeks to resolve them in one’s own way.

Question 12

Conflict styles: Compromising

Answer 12

• An approach to conflict resolution in which both parties attain at least part of what they wanted through self-sacrifice.
• “You win some, you lose some” in the negotiation.

Question 13

Conflict styles: Collaborating

Answer 13

A conflict management style that seeks win-win solutions. Collaborators demonstrate a high degree of concern for themselves and others. They try to find solutions that meet everyone’s needs.

Question 14

Types of aggression: Direct

Answer 14

• A criticism or demand that threatens the face of the person at whom it is directed.
• There are several types of direct aggression: character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, and maledictions.
• Direct aggression can have a severe impact on the target, making a recipient feel embarrassed, inadequate, humiliated, hopeless, desperate, or depressed

Question 15

Types of aggression: Passive

Answer 15

• An indirect expression of aggression that occurs when a communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative way
• This behaviour occurs when people have feelings of resentment, anger, or rage that they are unable or unwilling to express directly.
• Instead of keeping them to themselves, they send aggressive messages in subtle, indirect ways, thus maintaining the front of kindness.

Question 16

Which conflict style to use/factors to consider: The relationship

Answer 16

• Relational Conflict Style: Pattern of managing disagreement that repeats itself over time in a relationship.
• When two or more people are in a long-term relationship they develop a relational conflict style or a pattern of managing disagreements that repeats itself over time.

Question 17

Which conflict style to use/factors to consider: The situation

Answer 17

Different situations call for different conflict styles. After haggling over the price of a car for hours, it might be best to compromise and split the difference. In other cases, it may be a matter of sticking to your principle and attempting to get what you believe is right.

Question 18

Which conflict style to use/factors to consider: the other person

Answer 18

In some cases, the other person is unwilling or can’t collaborate. Some people are so competitive that they put winning ahead of everything else. In such cases, your efforts to collaborate may have little chance of success.

Question 19

Which conflict style to use/factors to consider: Your goals

Answer 19

Sometimes your concern may be to calm an enraged person. Accommodating an outburst from your crotchety sick neighbour, for example, is probably better than shouting back and triggering a stroke.

Question 20

Conflict in relational systems: complimentary

Answer 20

A relational conflict style in which partners use different but mutually reinforcing behaviours.

Question 21

Conflict in relational systems: Symmetrical

Answer 21

A relational conflict style in which both partners use the same tactics.

Question 22

Conflict in relational systems: Parallel

Answer 22

A relational conflict style in which the approach of the partners varies from one situation to another.

Question 23

Destructive conflict patterns: Criticism

Answer 23

• These are attacks on a person’s character.
• There’s a distinctive difference in pointing out a behaviour you dislike and presenting it as an assault on the person’s character.
• For example, it’s one thing to say, “I don’t like it when you leave your dirty laundry all over the bathroom because sometimes my friends see it and that embarrasses me,” as opposed to, “You’re such a pig to live with. You’re disgusting!”

Question 24

Destructive conflict patterns: Defensiveness

Answer 24

Recall that defensiveness is a reaction that aims to protect one’s presenting self by denying responsibility (“You’re crazy; I never do that.”) or counterattacking (“You’re more of a slob than I am.”)

Question 25

Destructive conflict patterns: contempt

Answer 25

Contemptuous communication belittles and demeans and it occurs verbally (name calling, putdowns) and nonverbally (eye rolling, disgusted sighs). Doing both simultaneously can be truly dismissive.

Question 26

Destructive conflict patterns: Stonewalling

Answer 26

This occurs when one person withdraws from the interaction and shuts down the dialogue which, in turn, makes resolving the problem impossible.

Question 27

What is a conflict ritual?

Answer 27

An unacknowledged repeated pattern of interlocking behaviour used by participants in a conflict.

Question 28

Fighting dirty: the avoider

Answer 28

refuse to fight. When a conflict arises, they leave, fall asleep, pretend to be busy at work, or keep from facing the problem in some other way.

Question 29

Fighting dirty: The pseudoaccommodator

Answer 29

pretend to give in and then continue to act in the same way.

Question 30

Fighting dirty: The guiltmaker

Answer 30

Instead of expressing dissatisfaction directly, guiltmakers try to make others feel responsible for causing pain.

Question 31

Fighting dirty: The mind reader

Answer 31

Instead of allowing their partners to express feelings honestly, mind readers go into character analysis, explaining what the partner really means or what’s wrong with the partner.

Question 32

Fighting dirty: The trapper

Answer 32

play an especially dirty trick by setting up the desired behaviour for their partners and then, when it’s met, attacking the very behaviour they requested.

Question 33

Fighting dirty: The crisis tickler

Answer 33

Crisis ticklers almost bring what’s bothering them to the surface but never quite come out and express themselves.

Question 34

Fighting dirty: The gunnysacker

Answer 34

These people don’t share complaints as they arise

Question 35

Fighting dirty: the trivial tyrannizer

Answer 35

Instead of honestly sharing their resentments, trivial tyrannizers do things they know will get their partners’ mad.

Question 36

Fighting dirty: The beltliner

Answer 36

Everyone has a psychological “beltline,” and below it is subjects too sensitive to be approached without damaging the relationship.

Question 37

Fighting dirty: The joker

Answer 37

Because they are afraid to face conflicts squarely, jokers’ kid around when their partners want to be serious, thus blocking the expression of important feelings.

Question 38

Fighting dirty: The withholder

Answer 38

Instead of expressing their anger honestly and directly, withholders punish their partners by keeping back something.

Question 39

Fighting dirty: The benedict Arnold

Answer 39

These characters get back at their partners by sabotage, by failing to defend them from attackers, and even by encouraging ridicule or disregard from outside the relationship.