Interpersonal Flashcards
Buber’s Seeming/Being
Seeming is when someone is not portraying themselves as their authentic self.
Being is when someone is authentic in their portrayal of themselves to others
I-it/I-thou
I/it- When you use relationships as transactions or a means to an end
I/thou- When you have genuine relationships with others and have respect for other
James’ me vs I
Me- False Labels for oneself and how you present your self to other not always accurately
I - True self, your conscience at work making decisions
Cooley’s looking glass self
Social perceptions from others and ourselves influence our development of self.
Stewarts Spiritual Child
When two people meet a child is born as the relationship and it will have traits of both individuals.
Friendship and experiences play a role in ourselves and development
5 steps in handling emotions and coping mechanisms
1.) Recognize Emotions
2.) Understand your emotions
3.) RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FEELING, TALKING, AND ACTING
4.) Accept Responsibility for Feelings
5.) Consider appropriate way to express feelings
Emotional Intelligence
The ability to recognize, understand, manage, and influence your own emotions and others.
Actor/Observer Attribution Bias
Observers minimize environmental factors and maximize person
Example- Thinking that the person is at fault rather than external factors
Actors maximize environment ad minimize person
Example- thinking that environment is at fault rather than the person
Hopper’s constructing the face of the other (Extreme distinctiveness bias)
We take another person/ group and PERCEIVE them as negative attributes and label them as other
ex- skin color, gender, age, ability
Broome’s empathy (CAP)
Sympathy- feeling pity for someone
Empathy- actively engaging with and understanding the emotional experience of others, without necessarily feeling that same emotion yourself.
Responding to the Other
-Mindful Listening
-Dis confirmation
-confirmation
-Affection/Relational Currencies
-Support Responses
-Shift Responses
-Encouraging Assessments
-Nonverbal comforting
-Apologies
What is Mindful Listening
It means giving your full attention actively listening
showing genuine interest in what the other person is saying.
What is Confirmation and Disconfirmation?
Confirming- Acknowledging another and validating their experience
Disconfirmation- does not acknowledge others experience
Types Disconfirmation?
- Indifference
denial of presence
not acknowledging someone - Avoiding involvement
Avoid contact - Rejecting communication
talk in monologue
avoid questions - Disqulaification
Speaker disqualification
message disqualification
Types of Conforming Behaviors
Recognition
-Eye contact and nonverbals
Acknowledgment
-Response
Endorsement
-express acceptance
What is Affection?
Contributes to psychological esteem, satisfaction, ability to build and maintain relationships.
lack of affection can lead to depression and a dysfunctional relationship
What are support vs. Shift responses
Support- A turn that keeps attention on topic and person
Shift-A turn that shifts attention to current speaker and creates opportunity to change topic
-Conversational Narcissist
Types of Support Responses
- Background acknowledgment
-Yeah, and Oh really - Assertion
Statement that confirms what they say - Question
asking for further information
What are encouraging assessments
-Two types of encouraging assessments
-When you use encouragement like “that’s great” and continue on the topic
-The Second is when you use an encouraging assessment then direct the conversation elsewhere
What are non-verbal Comforting strategies?
-hug
-attentiveness
-close proximity
-being there
-instrumental activity (getting a Kleenex)
-Eye contact
-Increase touch
-Concerned facial expression
-Pats
-cry
-setting the environment
-task activity (reduce distraction)
Relational States and talk of platonic relationships
1.) Strangers
2.) Acquaintances
3.)Casual friends
4.)Intimates
Strangers
- Do not talk at all
-Walk past each other unless small town
-Goffman Civil inattention
Acquaintances
- People we recognize but share little else
-Communication is short, predictable, little beats and little depth, Ritualistic
Casual Friends
-Slightly less predictable
- slightly less short
-Small talk
Intimates
-Spontaneous talk
- more uncertain
-Short hand communication
Relational stages and talk of romantic relationships
1.) Initiating stage
-Lots of meta communication
-bantering and linguistic violence
-Shaky bridge
-denial of interest
-nonverbal behaviors
2.)Experimenting stage
-Mild sexual Innuendos
-Institutionalized self deception (pretend to be like the other)
- be the bait (Letting person know you’re open)
3.) Intensifying stage
-Escalating social Innuendos
-Unique relationship language (pet names)
-Talking like each other
4.) Integrating and Bonding
- Adjacency pairs of ILY
-Short and Long terms plans
-I becomes We
Initiating stage
-Lots of meta communication
-bantering and linguistic violence
-Shaky bridge
-denial of interest
-nonverbal behaviors
Experimenting stage
-Mild sexual Innuendos
-Institutionalized self deception (pretend to be like the other)
- be the bait (Letting person know you’re open)
Intensifying stage
-Escalating social Innuendos
-Unique relationship language (pet names)
-Talking like each other
Integrating and Bonding
- Adjacency pairs of ILY
-Short and Long terms plans
-I becomes We
Goffman’s Civil Inattention
Walking down the street we will glance up to see other person.
- If we know person will acknowledge at 8ft
- If we do not know person then dim lights like looking down.
Interpersonal Needs
-Affection
-Inclusion
-Control
What is Attraction
*Waist hip ratio
*Symmetry
*Golden Ratio
*Matching hypotheses
*Romeo and Juliet effect
*Chemical cocktail
What is the Golden Ratio?
1:1.618
More symmetrical faces are considered more attractive
What is Symmetry?
Indicates fertility for women and hunter traits for males
What is the Hip waist Ratio?
Shows fertility and good health
.7 ratio
What is the Matching Hypothesis
we will look for other that are similar in attractiveness
What is the Romeo and Juliet effect?
When there is disapproval then attraction grows
What is in the chemical cocktail
Dopamine
Serotonin
Oxytocin
Endorphins
Importance of Small Talk
-Important to build relationships and sustain them
-Teaches rules and rituals
-Satisfies inclusion need
Ansari & Online dating
1.) Overload
Online dating provide an endless amount of options which can be overwhelming
2.) Focus on Profile Not chemistry
Love is Blind theory
3.) Communication style
Texting style like being playful can impact attraction
4.) Instant gratification
Online dating encourages making quick connections rather than slowly building relationships
Self-disclosure in relationships
- As people increase affection they seem to reveal more hidden aspects of themselves
-Motivation could be to achieve catharsis or communication release & “tell it like it is”
Social Exchange Theory
1.) Change of resources in relationships
-Things like change in time can impact relationships
2.) resources are evaluated by us as rewarding or not
-Something might be valuable for one person and not the other
3.)People tend to seek things that are rewarding to them
-We are naturally drawn to things that make us feel good
Dialectical Theory
Change takes place as a result of trying to resolve the inevitable tensions of relationship life
These tensions arise as we try to manage simultaneously to more desirable but but contradictory actions
Turning point theory
When a major event occurs that has an impact on the relationship
Peck’s definition of love
Love is the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing ones own or another spiritual growth.
Love is a circular process
Wilmont’s finding
3 ways to break up
-Verbal Direct (tell person)
-verbal Indirect (hinting)
-Nonverbal withdrawal (Ghosting)
Other
1.)People attribute more strategies to themselves than other
2.)Open verbal directness of self directives was associated with negative emotions
3.) Withdrawal was associated with regret
5.)Verbal Indirectness was optimal strategy
Wilmont’s advice for relational termination
Don’t break up but redefine
Rules theory
-Position within a group that will involve learning and expectations.
Role Theory
-The ability to know the implied expectations within society
Gottman’s 2 best predictors of divorce
- Dissatisfaction like Cross complaining
- Withdrawal
Gifts we receive from siblings
- Learning from older siblings
-Perspective taking
-Conflict resolution skills
-Competitiveness
What are the relational Currencies?
-Time Spent Together
-Gifts
-Acts of service
-Physical touch
-Words of affiramtion
