How to Raise your Self Esteem

Question 1

Subselves

Answer 1

In therapy, there is the child-self and teenage-self. There is also an opposite gender-self, a mother-self, father-self, an infant-self, and higher self.

Question 2

Nothing will fill the Void

Answer 2

Self esteem is the key to success or failure. It affects every aspect of our experience. All negativity we generate in our lives is derived from poor self esteem. You HAVE to have self esteem. You will experience no joy in life or sense of normalcy without it. Even if people love you and adore you, if you win awards and things, you will not feel fulfilled. You must love yourself. Being at the top, pretty, accomplished, having a face lift, etc., will not bring you self esteem. Self esteem is not competitive (has nothing to do with others!) nor comparative (if I’m prettier than Shelly, I’ll like myself).

Question 3

What it’s like to have a normal, healthy, and high self esteem

Answer 3

When you have high self esteem, you experience joy in waking up in the morning, the fact that you are alive, of living inside your own body. High self esteem means you are not at war with yourself or others.

Question 4

Acceptance, the simplest of all the criteria

Answer 4

Having self esteem depends on certain conditions being met in order to have it, while self acceptance is unconditional.Self Acceptance does not mean “liking”, it means accepting raw facts. Acceptance (accepting things for exactly what they are) releases us into reality. Acceptance means accepting the facts for a fact (no judgments of those facts are involved). So, self acceptance means accepting yourself for exactly what you are in every moment. It is surrender to reality.

Question 5

Denial of existence means, no alteration

Answer 5

Typically, we are not moved to change a thing if we deny the reality of it. You cannot overcome a problem whose existence you deny.

Question 6

Everything is right, in my experience

Answer 6

Do not be in an adversarial relationship in any way with your own experience.The errors we are willing to confront become the rungs of a ladder to higher self-esteem. **When we create a war within and with ourselves, it is a battle we can never win. You have to experience loving yourself as a reality.

Question 7

Reasons for pulling back, feeling insecure

Answer 7

When we have liabilities or weaknesses, we fear inadequacy. When we have strengths, we fear responsibility involved with that strength (you feel that you will not be able to follow through with the caring out of the deed because you do not have confidence in your mind and because, most likely, you are irresponsible as well, so you will not carry out the deed as you like. Guilt or defensiveness about positive things means fear of self-responsibility (I have these new, successful things that will demand more of me) and fear of isolation and loneliness (you want to feel a part of. You do not want to feel separate from everyone else).

Question 8

Awareness is the beginning of positive Self Estimation

Answer 8

Living consciously is the foundation of self confidence (self esteem) and self respect (self worth). Honor sight over blindness and go for full consciousness. If we are aware, we feel the confidence to deal with reality, naturally.

Question 9

How we come to form an opinion of ourselves

Answer 9

Self esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves. Over time we come to sense the type of person we are by the rationality and integrity we exhibit. It is a function of how we are honest about reality (the inner and external world). You honor the facts whether pleasant or unpleasant.

Question 10

Push for clarity

Answer 10

Seek clarity even if it doesn’t come easily (For example, if you are unsure of something or have forgotten a thing).

Question 11

Basic Life Rules to Follow

Answer 11

Take risks in life (This is a basic life rule. Follow all of the basic life rules, another would be, aim high).

• *(Classic knowledge) If I take responsibility for my life and the things that must be done to live a successful life, it will generate high self esteem. Doing this, along with all of the other healthy SHOULD actions WILL and MUST bear fruit in my life: higher self esteem, confidence, feeling worthy of existence, social, etc. Taking responsibility for your life, you acknowledge that I am the chief causal agent in my life, I would be the one to make the changes I want to see in myself and my life. For example instead of, “Why am I so passive?” You ask and answer the question, “Why and how do I make myself so passive?” Why in this context means, for what purpose.
• *We must choose work that expresses our minds and values to the fullest and with the most conscientiousness.

Question 12

True Knowledge, achieved

Answer 12

YOU have to understand things for yourself. True knowledge comes from the understanding not imitation.

Question 13

A true positive Self Concept is independent

Answer 13

Your positive self concept should not be dependent on ANYTHING. It should be logically in place and remain, provided you exercise awareness.

Question 14

Integrated Being

Answer 14

Integrity means the integration of your convictions, standards, beliefs, and behavior (they are aligned).**Living with integrity can also mean we do the right thing even when no one is around.

Question 15

Motive for Action

Answer 15

When you act, you are always striving to satisfy your needs legitimately, and for the good. At some level, you are trying to care for yourself (example: a suicidal person wants escape from the pain so that they can feel peace). When someone is engaged in negative behavior or thinking that they have a habit of, it is because they believe it serves a function (in the same way as a positive behavior or thinking would) and so it is up to you to find out how they believe this behavior or thinking is helping them in some way. As it were, see it from their perspective.

Question 16

Relapses can occur

Answer 16

Radical change in your person, is possible. Persevere, even if you have relapses.

Question 17

Upgrade of the People in your life

Answer 17

When you heal and become confident, feel self worth, reach mental maturation, etc., you will be attracted to new and better people. Sometimes, you can even inspire those from your past to rise to your level of new, healthy functioning. Our sense of self develops over time, it is not formed in a moment (it is a series of moments over time).

Question 18

How to have Control

Answer 18

I have control over my reaction toward the behavior and actions of others. You can control others and have power over them if you manipulate them, are dominant, etc., BUT they always have the option of doing things their way. If you are GOOD at manipulation, then they will not.

Question 19

Responsibility breeds the active Life

Answer 19

**When we begin to live responsibly, it is associated with living actively.

Question 20

Physical Action is the Key

Answer 20

** You must implement physical action in the changing of your life. What can I DO to move toward being responsible for my life? Physical behavior can be mental or physical. Thinking IS an action; so holding your focus on the task to be done, for example, is, most certainly, an action.I need an ACTION ORIENTATION toward my approach to my goal of getting, “There.”

Question 21

You cannot live a lie

Answer 21

The lies most devastating to our self esteem are not the lives we tell as the lies we LIVE. A lie where we misrepresent the reality of our experience or the truth of our being. Good self esteem demands congruence, meaning, the self within and the self manifested in the world is in accord. Most of us were raised to wear a mask, and to deny feelings that we have. We lose contact with many aspects of our inner selves; all in the name of adjusting to the world around us. Excitement disrupts routine.

Question 22

Those who can have nothing to offer the world

Answer 22

**People who do not allow themselves to BE, cannot be happy, they cannot have good self esteem, they cannot know how to love. These are people who live by convention. People who have little or no self esteem have nothing to contribute to the world.

Question 23

What truly confident people are like

Answer 23

People with true confidence express themselves freely, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. They make good friends and are beautiful people, naturally. They inspire others to match their authenticity. They not only honor themselves, they offer a gift to WHOEVER (healthy or not) they deal with. Free self expression can be used in healing and also in the prevention of wounds.

Question 24

The foundation of all Relationships

Answer 24

Listening to someone with empathy and allowing the other to fully express themselves is basic to the healing arts. It is also the basis of authentic friendship, all relationships, and love.

Question 25

Old School Rules are WRONG in many ways

Answer 25

**Note: Be aware of POPULAR, and even respected, old school qualities in people and mentalities that are today, known to be unhealthy (and for people with low self esteem!). For instance, a parent who, “gives up their life,” for their child to go to college, or a friend whose motto toward their best friends is, “my needs don’t matter.” What these people are REALLY saying is that you have been a BURDEN to them, they did not do their actions out of joy or inspiration (which is the norm!) ! **You see how these things are BAD, today. WOW.

Question 26

You have to let it out

Answer 26

**Fully owning and experiencing unwanted feelings is the first step toward transcending them. You have to, “let it out,” raw.

Question 27

There is no easy way out, you have to face life

Answer 27

We cannot repudiate self without repudiating life.

Question 28

Your outer self and physical being will align with your new found Self Esteem

Answer 28

**Alert: As you grow in self esteem, your face, manner, and way of talking and moving will naturally project the pleasure you take in being alive. Whatever you are on the inside, will BE on the outside! So if I am in love with life and healthy, it will show in my looks and how I come off in the world. Your words and movements will tend to have a quality of ease and spontaneity since you are not at war with yourself (WOW, WHAT TRANSFORMATIONS? THIS IS ALL A COMPLETE MAKE OVER!). You will have a better sense of humor and be more playful since you are not taking life so seriously anymore. Some of your values and beliefs may change. You are transforming! On the physical level, your eyes will become more lively and bright. Your face will have natural color and skin vibrancy. Your walk will become purposeful. Your voice will improve, as well as pronunciation. Having self esteem does make a noticeable difference and the quest is worth it  .