Exam #2/ Close Relationships Part 2 (D&E)

Question 1

Ainsworth’s strange situation paradigm

Answer 1

Secure: explore, upset when 
Mom leaves, can be comforted, 60%
Anxious -p: cling, upset when Mom 
leaves, cannot be comforted, 19%
Avoidant-d: ignore, do not act upset 
(but show increased HR), 
do not greet Mom upon return, 21%

Question 2

attachment in adults

Answer 2

when NOT under stress, look similar to one another. BUT –when under stress
Secure: seek closeness, easily comforted
Anxious-p: seek closeness but very difficult to comfort
Avoidant-d: unlikely to confide in partner, actually seek physical distance

Question 3

how do you make love stay?

Answer 3

the investment model

Question 4

The investment model

Answer 4

• Predicts relationship commitment based on satisfaction, investments and possible alternatives..
• If investments high + satisfaction high= relationship commitment is high.
• Unless attractive alternative relationships

Question 5

Investments vs Satisfactions

Answer 5

Investment: time, money, etc.
Satisfaction: rewards of relationship vs. costs of maintaining it.

Question 6

what predicts commitment in relationships?

Answer 6

commitment= investments vs outcomes

Question 7

stayers in a relationship

Answer 7

increased rewards, satisfaction, and investment, decreased in costs and attraction of alternatives

Question 8

Leavers vs abandoners of a relationship

Answer 8

small increases in rewards, large costs. What differentiated them was attractive alternatives - leavers had them, abandoned did not. Preoccupied/anxious attachment LEAST likely to leave, even if relationship unsatisfying and regardless of alternatives.

Question 9

“downgrading” of attractive alternatives

Answer 9

-healthy relationships characterized by a “downgrading” of attractive alternatives –increased flawfinding in others that protects the relationship. Viewing alternatives as less attractive and engaging in healthy idealization of partner.

Question 10

Downgrading study with college men and models

Answer 10

If thought he would meet them, then commitment related to LOWERED attractiveness scores. If thought he would never meet them –then commitment unrelated, and all ranked models as highly attractive

Question 11

Healthy idealization

Answer 11

benevolent view of flaws (he’s not “disorganized and irresponsible” he’s endearingly “absentminded”).

Question 12

self-verification theory

Answer 12

we want to be with people who know us, good and bad, and like us anyway. Partners should acknowledge specific behavioral flaws, but still see partner in an ideal light. Level to which we do this linked to relationship longevity and satisfaction

Question 13

when is conflict DANGEROUS?

Answer 13

• when negativity in relationship NOT outweighed by positivity
• when accompanied with toxic attributions (broad characterological attributions for negative behavior)
• when accompanied with contempt (more than anger!)
• when don’t understand the attachment styles of one another
• when conflict not seen as normal and natural
• when can’t apologize or forgive well

Question 14

Gottman’s magic ratio

Answer 14

• positive must outweigh negative
• a minimum of 5 positive behaviors to 1 negative behavior characterizes happy couples; the ratio itself more important than sheer amount of negativity/conflict

Question 15

What helps more with conflict?

Answer 15

Rusbult’s transformation of motivation

Question 16

Rusbult’s transformation of motivation

Answer 16

• Must override automatic “nasty” responses during conflict
• Requires regulatory resources, conscious
• Predicts relationship persistence
• Greater with more commitment
• Greater with more secure attachment

Question 17

Toxic attributional styles of dysfunctional relationships

Answer 17

• Negative attributions PRECEDE other indications of marital conflict, suggesting attributions are a basic cause of marital dissatisfaction.
• Effects are limited to the spouse/partner –so this effect is not about negative people but rather negative thinking patterns in relationships

Question 18

Good vs Bad Behavior w/ Toxic Attributions in dysfunctional relationships

Answer 18

• Good behavior – toxic if attribute to external reasons (flowers because wants something)
• Bad behavior – toxic if attribute to internal reasons (late because thoughtless person)

Question 19

Fincham & O’Leary ‘Explain spouse’s behavior’ Study;

Answer 19

Round robin study (multiple couples, explained partners behavior as well as other people’s partners’ behavior)

Question 20

Anxiously attached individuals (preoccupied and fearful) in conflict

Answer 20

• more likely to have low relationship self esteem (e.g., do not think they are uniquely valuable to the partner, have tendency to think partner is better than themselves)
• more likely to experience and express hurt feelings, and try to make partner feel guilty. High partner guilt reassures them, but makes their partners dissatisfied.

Question 21

protective strategies for anxiously attached individuals

Answer 21

• Counterintuitive strategy of “bringing partner within reach”
• Also focus on their utility within their relationship. Doing concrete, useful things for their partner (e.g., finding their keys, packing their lunch). , it increases their own security

Question 22

The “name all of the furniture in your apartment” study

Answer 22

-if thought partner was hating on them they immediately hated on them “back”

Question 23

Longitudinal study of newlyweds and utility

Answer 23

• anxiously attached individuals felt better about the relationship on days after they themselves did something nice for their partner.
• Secure and avoidants felt better on days after their partners did something nice for them.\

Question 24

Attachment avoidance and conflict

Answer 24

• Avoidantly attached individuals (dismissive and fearful) do not suffer low relationship self esteem – but do suffer greater distrust of the partner.
• When stressed, they become less likely to seek support, and also less likely to give support to a partner. This distancing is self-protective, but relationship destabilizing. -They are also likely to withdraw from emotional support, but appreciate instrumental support (concrete help or advice that is delivered in a rational manner).
• Biased processing of their partners emotional responses. Avoidant individuals overestimate the intensity (but not frequency) of their partner’s negative emotions –and respond defensively as a result.
• When in relationship-specific conflict, they are especially threatened by being told they need to change. (This threatens their feelings of autonomy), but are open to problem solving with the partner to make the relationship better

Question 25

good news for insecure attachment in general

Answer 25

partners who respond well by using specific strategies for anxious (reassurance) vs avoidant (rationality and underscoring partner autonomy) partners, can buffer attachment effects during conflict and lead to greater relationship satisfaction and longevity.

Question 26

Importance of reappraisal about conflict itself:

Answer 26

Spouses who believe conflict is natural within a relationship have higher relationship satisfaction

Question 27

Finkel’s marital intervention

Answer 27

-Longitudinal study in which randomly assigned some married couples to reconsider conflict as something positive for the relationship
Participants did this for roughly seven minutes 3X across a year (listed how a specific conflict could lead to positive results for the relationship)
-This intervention preserved satisfaction levels in married couples across time (stopped the “normal” downward slope, compared to couples not assigned the intervention)
-Couples in the intervention fought just as frequently, and about topics that were just as important/severe, but were less distressed than couples not in the intervention

Question 28

When should you forgive a partner?

Answer 28

Research by Luchies and colleagues shows that although forgiveness is almost always good for the perpetrator, it reduces the self-esteem of the forgiver AND reduces relationship satisfaction UNLESS the perpetrator has made amends.
If partner makes amends, then lack of forgiveness is damaging to the relationship
This pattern is (surprisingly) NOT moderated by the extremity of the betrayal

Question 29

How should you seek forgiveness?

Answer 29

Make amends if possible
Apologize for the act at the action identification level they perceive, NOT the one that you perceive (you will likely have a lower act id level for your bad behavior than they do)

Question 30

what is more dangerous to a relationship than conflict?

Answer 30

boredom

Question 31

Tsapelas et al: newlyweds tracked for 16 years

Answer 31

Asked “how often in the past week have you felt your relationship was in a rut”
boredom at year 7 (not negativity, and not conflict), was the strongest predictor of divorce/dissatisfaction in year 16

Question 32

Can you fall “in love” again with a long term partner?

Answer 32

YES. Just stop being so darn boring

Question 33

Aron et al interventions:

Answer 33

• engaging in novel and /or exciting activities significantly increased relationship satisfaction AND feelings of passion for the partner, even though couples assigned to the novelty date condition were unsure they would enjoy them and preferred them less initially when compared to more familiar romantic activities
• In part because of increased closeness and desire for closeness
• In part because of increased dopamine!

Question 34

How do you keep a relationship healthy and happy?

Answer 34

• Choose someone you like. Given love often gets less passionate but more intimate/companionate with time, choose a good companion
• Encourage your partner to become his/her “ideal” self –and help your partner to do the same for you by communicating clearly what your own ideals are
• Try to see the best or idealize your partner (see his/her specific qualities accurately, but his/her whole person positively), and try to see the worst in alternatives
• Understand your and your partner’s attachment style and how it will influence conflict – and also try to see conflict as natural/useful
• Keep (at least) a 5 to 1 ratio of positive behaviors to negative behaviors and remember to continue to try new things with your partner–don’t be boring.