Exam #2/Chp 12 Close Relationships Part 1 (B&C) Flashcards
How are early relationships built?
Reinforcement and Reciprocity
Reinforcement
we like those who are rewarding and arousing
Reinforcement & Rewards
- Association with a positive event: e.g. good food, fun activity, praise, etc
- person reminds you of a good, fun reward
Reinforcement & Arousing
-Dutton & Aron’s Safe or Swinging Bridge Study – TAT and phone#
-Followups included
running in place, hearing an audiotape of a comedy routine, or by hearing an audiotape of a grisly killing –ALL worked to increase attraction
Aronson’s “gain-loss” effect
We prefer people who at first didn’t like us, but then come to like us EVEN MORE than we like people who liked us from the first moment they met us
evidence of selectivity from speed-dating
We most prefer dates with those who are selective, who like very few people overall –but nonetheless like us
What is the caveat for reciprocity?
we especially like those who like us “selectively”
Liking vs Loving
- distinct, and both important
- Liking = Feelings of respect and enjoyment
- Loving = Feelings of intimacy and interdependence
- Both predict satisfaction, but liking remains stable over long periods (20 years). Love is sometimes unstable
Different types of love
- Passionate love: intense desire, longing, etc.
- Companionate love: caring, mutual understanding
Symptoms of infatuation/passion?
- Higher Norepinephrine: (heart racing, sleeplessness, more energy)
- Lower Serotonin: (obsessive thoughts, romantic anxiety)
- Higher Dopamine: (pleasure/addiction/craving)
Symptoms of companionate love?
Oxytocin release: (bonding, attachment, trust)
Sternberg’s triangle of love
center: Consummate love
- 3 main sides: Intimacy, Passion, Commitment
- 3 main points: companionate, romantic, fatuous
Cultural universals w/ love
- Components of love –all cultures distinguish between passion, intimacy, commitment
- So, types of love should be universal too
cultural specifics w/ love
Importance placed on PASSION differs across cultures
Arranged marriages
- Companionate love used to be termed “empty love”
- BUT…just as satisfied over time as non-arranged marriages, and MORE STABLE
Love over time?
- physical passion tends to decrease
- BUT intimacy and commitment tend to increase
- AND – recent research shows that some very lucky couples (roughly 5%) actually stay romantically in love over spans of 20-50 years!
physical passion over time?
-tends to decrease
-Sexual contact decreases after 1st year of relationship
Reduced physiological response
-The Coolidge Effect
The Coolidge Effect
partner novelty is arousing (esp. for males)
intimacy and commitment over time?
- tend to increase
- Become each other’s “best friends”
- High commitment can help keep couple together in times of stress
lucky couples over time?
- stay romantically in love over spans of 20-50 years
- fMRI study examined long married couples vs newly engaged couples.
- When in passionate love – reward/addiction centers light up to the beloved compared to others.
- In general, newly engaged had more activation in reward centers than long marrieds. But subset of long-marrieds looked like the newly engaged. Reported higher satisfaction, more physical affection compared to their ‘companionate love’ peers.
How does love impact the way we feel?
-Makes us happier:
Greater life satisfaction
Greater daily pos mood
Lowered risk of depression
-Makes us healthier:
Lower blood pressure
Lower risk of diabetes
Lower mortality rate
self-other overlap
- We think of close others as part of the self—Inclusion of Other in Self
- Happens gradually over time, but can also happen quickly when we want to draw close to partner
- Use close other’s standards to judge our own behavior
- Reduction of Self-Evaluation Maintenance
self-other overlap in married couples
long term self-spouse confusion (spouse’s traits unconsciously identified as his/her own –thought due to be shared experience)
self-over lap in dating couples
self-partner confusion (same effects, can happen immediately with no shared experience –can be motivated by desire to be close)
Reduction of Self-Evaluation Maintenance
We are no longer threatened if others-in-self outperform us
Cognitive interdependence
- Sense of “WE”
- Greater if more committed
- More plural thoughts/ more plural pronoun use
- Relationship more central to self and decisions
Outsourcing in relationships
Relationships split behavioral tasks (e.g., she does dishes and he takes out the garbage) or duties
cognitive outsourcing
Relationships split cognitive tasks (transactive memory effects: e.g., she remembers family birthdays, he remembers when the appliances need maintenance)
Regulatory outsourcing
Relationships even allow us to outsource some of our self-regulation! Research shows that if we know that our partners help us in achieving our goals, we will expend less effort in pursuing these goals as compared to goals that our partner does not assist us with
Pros & Cons of Outsourcing in relationships
All allow for efficiency within relationships (and obviously, when done too much –makes for problems when relationships end –the widow who doesn’t know anything about finances, etc)
Michelangelo effect
partners support and scaffold the other’s ideal self views (e.g. through perceptions and compliments and encouragement), help others achieve goals for self (through opening opportunities etc)
Pygmalion effect
partner tries to shape partner to match their own ideal –much worse for relationship, but not always malicious
For Michelangleo effect to occur
- Partners must self-disclose their true ideal selves to one another, communicate clearly
- Partners must be other focused, respecting the others ideals and helping them achieve them
Attachment theory
- Proximity seeking, Secure base, Safe haven
- Originally to explain infant bond to caregivers
- Has since been generalized to adult romantic relationships (
Bartholomew & Horowitz’s Attachment Dimensions
-Low Anxiety/ Low Avoidance: Secure
(Self worthy of love / Others are trustworthy)
-Low Anxiety/ High Avoidance: Dismissing
(Self worthy of love/ Others NOT trustworthy)
-High Anxiety/Low Avoidance: Preoccupied
(Self NOT worthy of love/ Others are trustworthy)
-High Anxiety/High Avoidance: Fearful
(Self NOT worthy of love/ Others NOT trustworthy)
