Current Issues at Home Flashcards
lighthouse parenting seeks balance between:
Child’s independence
Parent’s guidance: Parents being there for guidance and support
Lighthouse parenting (Vance, 2024) key points
Communicate regularly
Encourage independence
Provide guidance
Foster resilience
nurturing, loving, protecting, and communicating with them
straddles the line where you’re not becoming overly involved, but you’re also not being permissive and standoffish
Lighthouse parenting (Vance, 2024) key points
communicate regularly
Regularly check in with the child and keep open lines of communication
So they feel comfortable coming to you when they have challenges
Lighthouse parenting (Vance, 2024) key points
encourage independence
Give opportunities to grow, not overstepping the child’s boundaries
Lighthouse parenting (Vance, 2024) key points
provide guidance
Reliably present
Dependable
Lighthouse parenting (Vance, 2024) key points
foster resilience
Outcome of approach
Learn on their own and from mistakes. Not dependent on others to regulate emotions. Unconditional love from parents
key principles of lighthouse parenting
Checking in and communicating
Balancing autonomy and guidance
Giving children enough space to experience and learn from failure
Being available whenever guidance is needed
Fostering independence and resilience
Allowing children the opportunity to make decisions and problem-solve on their own
benefits of lighthouse parenting
Promotes healthy boundaries
Creates a supportive parent-child relationship
Builds better coping skills
parenting analogies
lighthouse
lawnmower
helicopter
tiger
free range
lawnmower parenting
Mow over and clear out obstacles in the child’s path
On the lookout for problems
clear path to success
Control
Shield the child from failure, distress, disappointment, etc
Parents clear obstacles and problem solve before the child even realizes there are obstacles
Parents who do their child’s homework, argue with their child’s sports referee, parent handles’ bullying, request special treatment from teachers for their child, unfair advantages, etc
Prevents self-advocating, talks to teachers and the child’s friends to fix perceived issues instead of letting the child handle it
helicopter parenting
Older than lawnmower parenting
Same as lawnmower but MORE
More rules
Assert control over every aspect of the child’s life
Dictates child’s social circle
Doesn’t give the child a choice
Hovering, constantly overseeing, not giving space to breathe
tiger parenting
High standards for children (Academics, extracurriculars)
The child should see the parent as the authority figure
Focus on achievement, good grades, trophies, etc
Pursuit of excellence is whatmatters, if you’re stressed, suck it up.
Quitting is not an option
Eliminate distractions for children, don’t let children hang out with friends, have screentime, etc, to help them succeed
My way or the highway
Parents’ decisions should not be questioned
Strict, harsh discipline
The child doesn’t have a choice
free range parenting
Like chickens
Let the child roam free
Encourage independence and freedom
Let the child play in the park or walk to school on their own
As the child matures and grows, more freedom is given
Child not reliant on parent
Taught they can accomplish hard tasks on their own
Thinks experiencing challenges is important for the child’s growth
Free-range =/= neglectful parenting
Intentional behaviour
Motivation is to build a child’s confidence
Encourage outdoor play
safety parenting seeks balance between:
Protecting children
—Coddling (excessive protecting of children)’ can backfire and make children too soft and sensitive, reducing resilance
Building resilient children
Safety parenting (haidt and paresky, 2019) key points
antifragility
safetyism
moral dependency
increased rates of mental illness
Safety parenting (haidt and paresky, 2019)
antifragility
“Emotional allergic reaction”
“Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child”
If we overprotect kids and keep them “safe” from unpleasant social situations and negative emotions, we deprive them of the challenges and opportunities for skill-building they need to grow strong.
Such children are likely to suffer more when exposed later to other unpleasant but ordinary life events, such as teasing and social exclusion.
Safety parenting (haidt and paresky, 2019)
safetyism
Overly obsessed with eliminating real or imagined threats
Child less likely to explore environment due to screens, more reliant on other people and can’t problem solve on their own
Safety parenting (haidt and paresky, 2019)
moral dependency
Seek out parents or authority figures to solve their problems. Not self regulating emotions
Safety parenting (haidt and paresky, 2019)
increased rates of mental illness
Overprotection leads to less resilience, fueling increased rates of anxiety and depression
Antifragility
“Emotional allergic reaction”
Person becomes weaker if they go a long time without coming in contact with a stressor and then suddenly comes into contact with a stressor. Better prepared if there’s bumps along the way because they’ll be better prepared
Deprivation of stressors can cause a bigger reaction when encountering a stressor
No emotional immunity
—Less confident, easily offended
Antifragility
“Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child”
Don’t shield child from stressors and challenges, instead, prepare them so they can deal with them when they encounter them
caveats of antifragility
kids need friends and a loving and reliable attachment figure.
Children raised with high levels of fear in unpredictable or violent environments experience elevated levels of stress hormones for extended periods of time.
Such long-term exposure can permanently alter brain development and increase stress reactivity, with lifelong ramifications for mental and physical health.
How can we strike the appropriate balance between protecting children and building resilient children?
Teach to regulate emotions
Put issues into perspective (1-5 scale of sensitivity)
Change approach as child ages
Sibling order can make a difference on strictness
outdoor risky play seeks to find balance between
risk taking and possibility of injury
