Chapter 7 Flashcards
What Is Love?
Difficult to define
- special attitudes behaviorally and emotionally
- varies with people and difficult to measure
Rubin’s Triple Love Scale
- Attachment
- Caring
- Intimacy
Types of Love
- Passionate Love
- Companionate Love
- Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
- Lee’s Style of Loving
Passionate Love (Short Lasting)
Extreme absorption in another; also romantic love
- characterized by intense feelings of tenderness, anxiety, and sexual desire
- physiological arousal including increased heartbeat, blushing, stomach churning, perspiration, and excitement
- occurs early in the relationship (months not years)
- look over one’s faults and avoid conflicts
Companionate Love (Long Lasting)
Friendly affection and deep attachment by appreciation of one’s partner
- tolerance for one’s faults and overcome them together
- sex is what pleases your companion, which builds communication
- less intense
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love (Further look of Passionate and Companionate Love)
- Passion
- Intimacy
- Commitment
Triangle Of Love Extended
- Liking (Intimacy Alone)
- Infatuation (Passion Alone)
- Empty Love (Commitment Alone)
- Romantic Love (Intimacy/Passion)
- Companionate Love (Intimacy/Commitment)
- Fatuous Love (Passion/Commitment)
Consummate Love (Intimacy/Passion/Commitment)
Passion (Excitement)
Motivational component that fuels romantic feelings, physical attraction, and desire for sexual interaction
- starts high then decreases rapidly through time to a low constant state
Intimacy (Sharing)
Emotional component of love encompassing sense of being bonded with another person
- constant growth through time
Commitment (Dedicated)
Thinking component of loving another to maintain a relationship over time despite difficulties
- slow start and grows rapidly through time to remain at a high constant state
Lee’s Style of Loving
Six different styles of loving:
- romantic (Eros)
- game-playing (Ludus)
- possessive (Mania)
- companionate (Storge)
- altruistic (Agape)
- pragmatic (Pragma)
Falling In Love
Neurotransmitters
- norepinephrine (breathing increases)
- dopamine (affects mood)
- phenylethylamine (chocolate high)
Hormones
- oxytocin (cuddling)
There can be a withdrawal of all of this
Proximity
Geographic nearness of one person to another, which is an important factor in a interpersonal attraction
Mere Exposure Effect
Phenomenon in which explains to us why we are attracted to people in proximity to us
Similarity
Beliefs, interests, race, ethnicity, and values, which is a factor in attracting people to one another
Reciprocity
When we receive expressions of liking or loving, we tend to respond the same
- increases self-esteem
- increases relationship length
Physical Attractiveness
Physical beauty, which is a powerful factor in attracting lovers to each other
- early stage of a relationship
- good physical health
Sociobiology
Behavior explained by evolutionary needs
- Men attracted to young attractive females to maximize reproductive success
- Women attracted to older, established men to maximize their reproductive success
Self-Love
- Genuine interest, concern, respect for self
- Before a satisfying relationship with others
Attachment
Intense emotional tie between two individuals
- Secure Attachment: trust the person, and understand them
- Insecure Attachment: Two Types
Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment: think they’ll leave and never come back/ don’t care as much, passive aggressive
Avoidant-Attachment: afraid and avoidant
Hook-Ups
Short-term, loveless sexual connections that occur during a brief time
- issue between love and sex
Friends With Benefits Relationships
Sexual interaction between friends who do not define their relationship as romantic
- desire a transition into a stable, romantic relationship
- issue between love and sex
Phases Of A Relationship
Inclusion: invitation to relate Response: agreeing to relate Care: concern for others' welfare Trust: support and care for each other Affection: warmth and attachment Playfulness: delight in each other Genitality: decision to engage in sex
Sex And Relationships On Your Terms
- Knowing and asking for what you want
- Friendships without sex
- Saying “not yet” to sex
- Ending a relationship
- Managing rejection
- You just want to have sex
Jealousy
Emotional reaction caused by a real or imagined relationship involving one’s partner and a third person
- fear of losing what they want to control, than fall in love
Women Jealousy
- jealous of her partner’s emotional involvement with another
- blame themselves
- more inclined about jealousy then men
Men Jealousy
- jealousy of his partner’s sexual involvement with another
- jealousy goes to third party or to their partner’s behavior
- provoke jealousy less than women
Lasting Love Relationships
- Your partner is your best friend
- Communication between one another
- Companionship by sharing your interests and doing many activities together
- Sexual sharing and sexual attraction to your partner
Sexual Variety: Important Ingredient
- Communication in change for the two of you
- Make love in various places
- Planning and spur of the moment love is exciting and bonding full
Mutual Empathy
Each partner in a relationship care for the other and knows that the care is shared
Communication: Getting Started
- Talking about sex
- Reading and discussing
- Sharing sexual histories
Listening and Feedback
- Active listener
- Maintain eye contact
- Provide feedback
- Support partner’s communication efforts
- Express unconditional positive regard
Discovering Your Partner’s Needs
- Asking questions
- Self-disclosure
- Discussing sexual preferences
- Giving permission
Yes/No Question
Question that asks for a one word answer and thus provides little opportunity for discussing an issue
Open-Ended Question
Question that allows a respondent to share and feelings or information she or he thinks is appropriate
Either-Or Question
Question that allows statement of preference
Self-Disclosure
- personal disclosures require give and take
- open up to partner about how you feel on sex
- internet relationships reveal dishonesty and no physical attractiveness
Discussing Sexual Preferences
- this draws a couple closer to finding out their pleasure able activities
- might discuss their feelings after sex
Giving Permission
Providing reassurance to one’s partner that it is okay to talk about specific feelings or needs
Making Requests
- Taking responsibility for our own pleasure
- Making requests specific
- Using “I” language
Strategies For Expressing Complaints
- Choose the right time and place
- Temper complaints with praise
- Avoid “Why” questions
- Express negative emotions appropriately
- One complaint per discussion
Receiving Complaints
- Acknowledge a complaint and find something to agree with
- Ask clarifying questions
- Express your feelings
- Focus on future changes you can make
Three-Step Approach To Saying No
- Express appreciation for the invitation
- Say no in a clear fashion
- Offer an alternative if able to
Nonverbal Sexual Communication
- Facial expressions
- Interpersonal distance
- Touching
- Sounds
Gottman’s Constructive Communications Tactice
- Leveling and Editing
- Validating
- Volatile Dialogue
Gottman’s Destructive Communication Tactics
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
- Belligerence
Three Chemicals Effect Perception of Love
- Endorphine
- Hormones
- Neurotransmitters
