Chapter 14: Maintaining and repairing relationships

Question 1

What traditional expectations may hinder the effectiveness of men as long-term partners?

Answer 1

Traditional expectations of assertiveness and self-reliance in men may hinder their effectiveness in long-term relationships.

Question 2

How do physical looks matter in attracting potential partners?

Answer 2

• Physical looks matter in attracting potential partners.
• Men’s deficiency in nonverbal communication is correlated with dissatisfaction in close relationships.
• Partners often misinterpret each other’s messages, and negative interactions have a more significant impact than positive ones.

Question 3

What challenges exist in intimate relationships?

Answer 3

• Physical looks matter in attracting potential partners.
• Men’s deficiency in nonverbal communication is correlated with dissatisfaction in close relationships.
• Partners often misinterpret each other’s messages, and negative interactions have a more significant impact than positive ones.

Question 4

What are some optimistic factors in relationships?

Answer 4

• About one-third of men can be warm, tender, sensitive, and kind, challenging traditional stereotypes.
• Happy partners perceive each other generously, using positive illusions and considering their relationships superior.
• Interdependence and affectionate friendship replace passion in maintaining relationships over time.
• Authentic forgiveness in satisfying relationships benefits both partners.

Question 5

How do committed individuals maintain their relationships cognitively?

Answer 5

• Committed individuals perceive themselves as part of a greater whole, demonstrating cognitive interdependence.
• Positive illusions and idealization help partners overlook faults and maintain positive evaluations of each other.
• Committed partners believe their relationships are better than most, reducing the likelihood of seeking alternatives.

Question 6

How do committed individuals maintain their relationships behaviorally?

Answer 6

• Committed individuals make personal sacrifices to promote partner well-being, from trivial costs to substantial sacrifices.
• Prayer for partner success and well-being correlates with increased satisfaction and commitment in relationships.

Question 7

What role does hope and effort play in relationships?

Answer 7

• Despite challenges, wisdom and effort can lead to lasting, thriving relationships.
• Knowledge about close relationships empowers individuals to prevent and overcome problems.
• Mechanisms for protecting and maintaining satisfaction in relationships exist, allowing for the resolution of difficulties.

Question 8

What does the Michelangelo phenomenon refer to?

Answer 8

• Partners supporting each other’s personal development enhances both relationships and individual well-being.
• The Michelangelo phenomenon refers to partners helping each other become the individuals they aspire to be.

Question 9

What is accommodation, and what role does self-control play in relationships?

Answer 9

• Accommodation involves tolerating minor mistreatment from partners without responding in kind.
• Self-control plays a crucial role in relationship maintenance by refraining from negative responses, promoting sacrifice, and aiding forgiveness.
• Self-control is associated with fewer instances of intimate partner violence and more sacrifices that benefit partners.

Question 10

How do play and novelty contribute to relationship satisfaction?

Answer 10

• Engaging in novel, challenging, exciting, and pleasant activities together enhances relationship satisfaction.
• Couples who play together are more content, and maintaining a sense of novelty in activities is beneficial for relationships.
• Rituals and playful activities contribute to relationship satisfaction.

Question 11

What strategies do contented partners use to maintain relationships?

Answer 11

• Contented partners employ various strategies to foster positivity, encourage openness, provide assurances of love and commitment, share social networks, share household tasks equitably, and spend quality time together.
• These strategies enhance intimacy and promote fondness and commitment in relationships.
• Positivity, assurances, and sharing tasks are identified as the most crucial predictors of relationship happiness.

Question 12

How do maintenance mechanisms require ongoing effort for long-term relationship satisfaction?

Answer 12

• The Michelangelo phenomenon, accommodation, and self-control require ongoing effort for long-term relationship satisfaction.
• Couples need to consistently engage in relationship maintenance activities to sustain contentment.
• Acts of kindness and positive behaviors lose their effectiveness if not consistently maintained.

Question 13

What cautionary notes are there for maintaining relationships?

Answer 13

• Acts of kindness on special occasions have short-lived effects if not consistently practiced.
• Long-term relationship satisfaction requires continuous effort, and occasional breaks from positive behaviors can lead to a decline in contentment.
• The importance of self-control in maintaining routine positive behaviors and sustaining relationship well-being.

Question 14

How is repairing relationships compared to car care?

Answer 14

• Comparison of relationship maintenance to car care.
• DIY approach: Solving relationship problems independently.
• Professional help: Analogous to seeking professional car repair.

Question 15

What are some issues with popular relationship advice?

Answer 15

• Caution about popular relationship advice.
• Issues with unqualified advice givers.
• Example: Critique of “The Rules” book.
• Importance of evidence-based advice.

Question 16

What are some considerations for DIY solutions in relationships?

Answer 16

• Abundance of relationship advice sources (TV, books, websites, podcasts).
• Potential benefits of self-help materials.
• Caution about the credibility of advice sources.
• Acknowledgment of credible self-help resources.

Question 17

How is preventative maintenance in relationships compared to car maintenance?

Answer 17

• Analogies to car maintenance in relationships.
• Comparison with timing belt replacement.
• Importance of premarital counseling.
• Mention of the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP).
• Emphasis on fine-tuning expectations and communication skills.

Question 18

What are the different types of marital therapy, and what are common features?

Answer 18

• Introduction to intensive interventions for real problems.
• Three broad types: Behavioural Approaches, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT), Insight-Oriented Therapy (IOCT).
• Overview of Behavioural Approaches: Traditional Behavioural Couple Therapy (TBCT), Cognitive-Behavioural Couple Therapy (CBCT), Integrative Behavioural Couple Therapy (IBCT).
• Overview of EFCT: Focus on emotions and attachment security.
• Overview of IOCT: Insight into past relationships and personal vulnerabilities.
• Shared elements among various therapeutic approaches.
• Importance of therapist selection.
• Optimism and positive expectations in therapy.
• Encouragement to choose the therapy that resonates personally.

Question 19

What are some issues related to the underutilization of marital therapy?

Answer 19

• Regrettable underutilization of marital therapy.
• Gender differences in seeking therapy.
• Encouragement to seek therapy promptly.
• Consideration of possibilities: resolving issues or deciding to dissolve the marriage.