Chapter 11: Conflict

Question 1

What is conflict?

Answer 1

• Interpersonal conflict arises when one person’s motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, or behavior interfere with or are incompatible with those of another.
• Conflict is born of dissimilarity, which may be passing (e.g., moods) or lasting (e.g., beliefs and personality).

Question 2

How frequent can conflicts be?

Answer 2

• Conflict is common in close relationships due to occasional differences in moods, preferences, and inherent tensions.
• Varying rates of conflicts are reported across different populations and definitions.
• Factors influencing conflict frequency include personality traits, attachment styles, life stage, similarity, stress, sleep, and alcohol consumption.

Question 3

Which factors influence conflict frequency?

Answer 3

• Personality: High neuroticism correlates with more conflicts, while high agreeableness is associated with fewer conflicts.
• Attachment Style: Secure individuals encounter less conflict.
• Life Stage: Young adults experience increased conflict; conflict decreases in later years.
• Similarity: Greater similarity results in less conflict.
• Stress, Sleep, Alcohol: Higher stress, poor sleep quality, and alcohol consumption contribute to increased conflict.

Question 4

What implications arise when addressing conflict frequency?

Answer 4

• Understanding the nature of conflict and its influencing factors helps individuals manage conflicts effectively.
• Recognition of dialectics and opposing motives provides insight into relationship complexities.
• Strategies for conflict resolution may need to consider individual differences, life stages, and external factors impacting relationships.

Question 5

What are the instigating events of conflict?

Answer 5

• Conflict can arise from disagreements on issues like time management, money, in-laws, sexual frequency, chores, expressions of affection, political views, and more.
• Common sources include parenting disagreements, division of household chores, communication problems, and conflicts about money.

Question 6

How can attributions contribute to conflict?

Answer 6

• Differing perspectives and attributions contribute to conflicts.
• Partners may have different explanations for their actions, leading to misunderstandings.
• Attributions for a partner’s behavior influence emotional reactions, distress, and the likelihood of conflict resolution.

Question 7

What occurs in the engagement and escalation phase of conflict?

Answer 7

• After an instigating event, partners decide whether to address the issue or avoid it.
• Conflict can lead to negotiation and rational problem-solving or escalate, involving dysfunctional communication patterns.
• Surly conflict, especially with negative affect reciprocity, can have physical and psychological effects.

Question 8

What is the demand and withdrawal pattern?

Answer 8

• The demand/withdraw pattern involves one partner making demands while the other withdraws.
• This pattern can be self-perpetuating, with increased pressure from the demander leading to more withdrawal.
• Women tend to be demanders, and men the withdrawers.

Question 9

What are the stages of negotiation and accommodation in conflict?

Answer 9

• After conflicts, negotiation occurs in loving relationships.
• Nice negotiation tactics include direct and indirect methods, aiming for solutions.
• Strategies for successful negotiation include future orientation, optimism, valuing your partner’s outcomes, and taking short breaks when needed.

Question 10

What are the four types of couples when dealing with conflict?

Answer 10

• Caryl Rusbult introduced four types of responses: voice, loyalty, neglect, and exit.
• Voice: Active and constructive approach.
• Loyalty: Passive but constructive approach.
• Neglect: Passive and destructive approach.
• Exit: Active and destructive approach.
• Accommodation, inhibiting destructive responses, is valuable in maintaining a relationship.

Question 11

What are the types of couples according to John Gottman?

Answer 11

• Volatile Couples: Frequent, passionate arguments tempered with humor and fondness.
• Validators: Polite fights expressing empathy and understanding.
• Avoiders: Rarely argue, avoid confrontation, or wait for issues to resolve.
• Hostiles: Engage in harmful, caustic arguments with excessive criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal.

Question 12

What are the effects of different conflict styles?

Answer 12

• Maintaining a high ratio of positive to negative interactions is crucial for relationship satisfaction.
• Heated arguments can be constructive if conducted with empathy and respect.
• Conflicts become corrosive when turning sour, sarcastic, and surly.

Question 13

In what ways can conflicts end?

Answer 13

• Separation, Conquest, Compromise, Integrative Agreements, and Structural Improvement are ways conflicts can end.
• A “good” fight can have positive effects on a relationship, leading to increased satisfaction and intimacy.
• Recognition of real problems is important for relationship health.

Question 14

How can conflict be handled?

Answer 14

• Successful conflict management involves self-control, optimism, and avoiding blaming attributions.
• The speaker-listener technique facilitates understanding during conflicts.
• Avoiding negative behaviors like withdrawing and negative affect reciprocity is crucial.
• A “good” fight is an opportunity for learning, contributing to relationship satisfaction and intimacy.