Chapter 10: Interpersonal Conflict (Lessons 17 & 18) Flashcards
Interpersonal Conflict
occurs in interaction with real or perceived incompatible goals, scarce resources, or opposing viewpoints
Conflict can be expressed _____ or _______
verbally or nonverbally
When conflict is well managed it has the potential to lead to…
more rewarding and satisfactory relationships
Passive Communicator
-puts the rights of others before their own
-tend to be apologetic or tentative
-do not speak up if they feel they are being wronged
Aggressive Communicators
-advocate for their rights, despite possibly violating the rights of others
-communicate in a way that tells others their feelings don’t matter
Assertive Communicators
-respect the rights of others while also standing up for themselves
-direct but not insulting or offensive
-conveys information on facts and feeling without being disrespectful
-uses the “I” phrases
Strategies for Assertive Communication
-“I feel”
-“I understand”
-“Help me to understand”
Which communication method do aggressive communicators use?
“you” messages and the receivers feels as though they are being verbally attacked
When giving feedback, what is needed to back up your comments?
objective data
Is conflict a sign of poor relationships?
no
3 Common Misconceptions of Conflict
- conflict can be avoided
- conflict can always be resolved
- conflict is always bad
Conflict vs. Confrontation
-conflict is when two parties are involved and intend to resolve
-confrontation is a personal attack
Global Labels
-a type of unsupportive message
-labeling someone calls their whole identity into question
-ie. “you are a liar”
Sarcasm
-a type of unsupportive message
-often disguised as humour but usually represents passive-aggressive behaviour
-indirect communication of negative feelings
Dragging Up the Past (gunnysacking)
-a tactic used when people avoid discussing the current situation
Negative Comparisons
-holding a person up to another person’s supposed standards
-leads to feelings of inferiority
Judgemental Messages
-accusatory messaged that go beyond labelling but don’t describe a behaviour in a productive way
Threats
-threatening with violence or negative consequences
-overcompensate a person’s insecurity
-lead to conflict
Competing
-high concern for self, low concern for others
-strive to ‘‘win’’ at the expense of the ‘‘loss’’ of someone else
-using power in a coercive or non-coercive way
Non-coercive Strategies
-requesting - less info required
-persuading - more info required
Coercive Strategies
-violate ethical communication
-profanity, yelling, threats, punishment
Avoiding
-low concern for self and others
-no direct communication takes place
Hinting and joking also fall under the _______ style
avoiding
Accommodating
-low concern for self and high concern for others
-often viewed as passive or submissive
-doing what the other person wants
Compromising
-moderate concern for self and others
-not win/win but a partial win/lose
-both parties give something and gain something
-may be used as an easy way out
Collaborating
-high degree of concern for self and others
-indicates investment in the conflict situation and the relationship
Which conflict resolution style takes more work?
collaborating
What does the collaboration style lead to?
a win/win situation where neither party has to make concessions
Tips for collaborating and achieving a win/win
-avoid viewing conflict as a contest
-be flexible, solutions are yet to be discovered
-separate between the person and the problem
-determine underlying needs
-identify shared interests
-ask questions to clarify their perspective
Step 1 in Problem-Solving
identify the problem(s)
Step 2 in Problem-Solving
Analyze how the problem arised and why the conflict is happening
Step 3 in Problem-Solving
Identify the goals and needs of each person
Step 4 in Problem-Solving
Identify solutions that might solve the problem and meet the goals and needs of both parties
Step 5 in Problem-Solving
-Evaluate the solutions and consider if it will solve the problem and satisfy goals and needs
-what potential issues may arise
Approaching a Conflict: Prepare
-define your problems and goals
-brainstorm potential solutions
-how, when, where will you approach the other person?
Approaching a Conflict: Take Ownership
-recognize how both people play a role in the conflict
Approaching a Conflict: Be assertive, not aggressive
-state the message clearly
-be respectful
-don’t attack or blame
Approaching a Conflict: Start with the facework
-avoid embarrassing, blaming
-ie. “You may not have meant it this way…”
Approaching a Conflict: Describe the conflict in terms of behaviour, consequences, feelings
includes the behaviours involved, the consequences of those behaviours, and how it makes you feel
Behaviours
-what is the behaviour? when did it occur?
-ie. “I noticed recently that…”
Consequences
-why are you bothers or what has happened due to the behaviour
Feelings
-describe the experienced emotions
-ie. “I feel…”
Approaching a Conflict: Use “I” Statements
-ie/ “I interpret this behaviour to mean…”
Approaching a Conflict: Make sure the other person understands your problem
-invite them to paraphrase and ask additional questions
-don’t be offended or deterred if they have trouble understanding
Approaching a Conflict: Phrase your solution in a way that focuses on common ground
-identify solutions that meet both goals
-utilize a collaborative approach
Responding to Conflict: Listen to what the other has to say
-listening de-escalates the situation
Responding a Conflict: Validate what the other person has to say
-you don’t need to agree
-show that you recognize or understand
Responding a Conflict: Take ownership and apologize if necessary
-offer a sincere apology
-not apologizing can result in long term feelings of resentment
Responding a Conflict: Ask the other person for preferred solutions or engage in problem-solving
-work together to brainstorm
-think outside the pox
-evaluate suggestions
Criticism - Conflict Triggers
-comments that evaluate another person’s personality, behaviour, appearance, life choices
Demands - Conflict Triggers
-especially if the demand is viewed as unfair or irrelevant
-tone of voice and context are important
-consider making a request instead
Cumulative Annoyance - Conflict Triggers
-building of frustration or anger that occurs over time
Rejection - Conflict Triggers
-can lead to conflict when comments or behaviour are perceived as invalidating
STLC Conflict Model
-Stop: take your time and pay attention
-Think: about your communication
-Listen
-Communicate
Owl
-collaborating
-value goals and friendships
-conflict is a problem to be solved
-strive to resolve tension and maintain the relationship
Turtle
-avoiding
-value avoiding confrontation over goals and relationships
-easier to withdraw from conflict than face it
Shark
-competing
-value goals over relationships
-try and overpower others
Teddy Bear
-accommodating
-value relationships over their own goals
-want to be liked by others
-smooth over conflict to prevent relationship damage
Fox
-compromising
-moderately concerned with both goals and relationships
-give up a part of their goals and persuade others to give up some of theirs too
