Chapter 10: Interpersonal Conflict (Lessons 17 & 18) Flashcards by Maeryn O

Interpersonal Conflict

occurs in interaction with real or perceived incompatible goals, scarce resources, or opposing viewpoints

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Conflict can be expressed _____ or _______

verbally or nonverbally

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When conflict is well managed it has the potential to lead to…

more rewarding and satisfactory relationships

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Passive Communicator

-puts the rights of others before their own
-tend to be apologetic or tentative
-do not speak up if they feel they are being wronged

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Aggressive Communicators

-advocate for their rights, despite possibly violating the rights of others
-communicate in a way that tells others their feelings don’t matter

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Assertive Communicators

-respect the rights of others while also standing up for themselves
-direct but not insulting or offensive
-conveys information on facts and feeling without being disrespectful
-uses the “I” phrases

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Strategies for Assertive Communication

-“I feel”
-“I understand”
-“Help me to understand”

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Which communication method do aggressive communicators use?

“you” messages and the receivers feels as though they are being verbally attacked

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When giving feedback, what is needed to back up your comments?

objective data

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Is conflict a sign of poor relationships?

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3 Common Misconceptions of Conflict

conflict can be avoided
conflict can always be resolved
conflict is always bad

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Conflict vs. Confrontation

-conflict is when two parties are involved and intend to resolve
-confrontation is a personal attack

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Global Labels

-a type of unsupportive message
-labeling someone calls their whole identity into question
-ie. “you are a liar”

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Sarcasm

-a type of unsupportive message
-often disguised as humour but usually represents passive-aggressive behaviour
-indirect communication of negative feelings

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Dragging Up the Past (gunnysacking)

-a tactic used when people avoid discussing the current situation

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Negative Comparisons

-holding a person up to another person’s supposed standards
-leads to feelings of inferiority

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Judgemental Messages

-accusatory messaged that go beyond labelling but don’t describe a behaviour in a productive way

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Threats

-threatening with violence or negative consequences
-overcompensate a person’s insecurity
-lead to conflict

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Competing

-high concern for self, low concern for others
-strive to ‘‘win’’ at the expense of the ‘‘loss’’ of someone else
-using power in a coercive or non-coercive way

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Non-coercive Strategies

-requesting - less info required
-persuading - more info required

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Coercive Strategies

-violate ethical communication
-profanity, yelling, threats, punishment

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Avoiding

-low concern for self and others
-no direct communication takes place

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Hinting and joking also fall under the _______ style

avoiding

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Accommodating

Study These Flashcards

-low concern for self and high concern for others
-often viewed as passive or submissive
-doing what the other person wants

Compromising

-moderate concern for self and others -not win/win but a partial win/lose -both parties give something and gain something -may be used as an easy way out

Collaborating

-high degree of concern for self and others -indicates investment in the conflict situation and the relationship

Which conflict resolution style takes more work?

collaborating

What does the collaboration style lead to?

a win/win situation where neither party has to make concessions

Tips for collaborating and achieving a win/win

-avoid viewing conflict as a contest -be flexible, solutions are yet to be discovered -separate between the person and the problem -determine underlying needs -identify shared interests -ask questions to clarify their perspective

Step 1 in Problem-Solving

identify the problem(s)

Step 2 in Problem-Solving

Analyze how the problem arised and why the conflict is happening

Step 3 in Problem-Solving

Identify the goals and needs of each person

Step 4 in Problem-Solving

Identify solutions that might solve the problem and meet the goals and needs of both parties

Step 5 in Problem-Solving

-Evaluate the solutions and consider if it will solve the problem and satisfy goals and needs -what potential issues may arise

Approaching a Conflict: Prepare

-define your problems and goals -brainstorm potential solutions -how, when, where will you approach the other person?

Approaching a Conflict: Take Ownership

-recognize how both people play a role in the conflict

Approaching a Conflict: Be assertive, not aggressive

-state the message clearly -be respectful -don't attack or blame

Approaching a Conflict: Start with the facework

-avoid embarrassing, blaming -ie. "You may not have meant it this way..."

Approaching a Conflict: Describe the conflict in terms of behaviour, consequences, feelings

includes the behaviours involved, the consequences of those behaviours, and how it makes you feel

Behaviours

-what is the behaviour? when did it occur? -ie. "I noticed recently that..."

Consequences

-why are you bothers or what has happened due to the behaviour

Feelings

-describe the experienced emotions -ie. "I feel..."

Approaching a Conflict: Use "I" Statements

-ie/ "I interpret this behaviour to mean..."

Approaching a Conflict: Make sure the other person understands your problem

-invite them to paraphrase and ask additional questions -don't be offended or deterred if they have trouble understanding

Approaching a Conflict: Phrase your solution in a way that focuses on common ground

-identify solutions that meet both goals -utilize a collaborative approach

Responding to Conflict: Listen to what the other has to say

-listening de-escalates the situation

Responding a Conflict: Validate what the other person has to say

-you don't need to agree -show that you recognize or understand

Responding a Conflict: Take ownership and apologize if necessary

-offer a sincere apology -not apologizing can result in long term feelings of resentment

Responding a Conflict: Ask the other person for preferred solutions or engage in problem-solving

-work together to brainstorm -think outside the pox -evaluate suggestions

Criticism - Conflict Triggers

-comments that evaluate another person's personality, behaviour, appearance, life choices

Demands - Conflict Triggers

-especially if the demand is viewed as unfair or irrelevant -tone of voice and context are important -consider making a request instead

Cumulative Annoyance - Conflict Triggers

-building of frustration or anger that occurs over time

Rejection - Conflict Triggers

-can lead to conflict when comments or behaviour are perceived as invalidating

STLC Conflict Model

-Stop: take your time and pay attention -Think: about your communication -Listen -Communicate

Owl

-collaborating -value goals and friendships -conflict is a problem to be solved -strive to resolve tension and maintain the relationship

Turtle

-avoiding -value avoiding confrontation over goals and relationships -easier to withdraw from conflict than face it

Shark

-competing -value goals over relationships -try and overpower others

Teddy Bear

-accommodating -value relationships over their own goals -want to be liked by others -smooth over conflict to prevent relationship damage

Fox

-compromising -moderately concerned with both goals and relationships -give up a part of their goals and persuade others to give up some of theirs too

Chapter 10: Interpersonal Conflict (Lessons 17 & 18) Flashcards

(59 cards)