Vickie

Question 1

How to make an apology? (3/3)?

Answer 1

When i did…. describe situation it was wrong

Acknowledge that it affected sb’s feelings

I am sorry

At the end: May say what you were thinking at that time

Question 2

What women do when told that they are wrong?

Answer 2

They are afraid to admit it and be vulnerable. They become aggressive to cover that.

Question 3

Unique traits of ADHD people (3) by William Dodson MD

Answer 3

Interest based nervous system - activates hyperfocus

emotional hyperarousal

rejection sensitivity

Question 4

When teaching can occur?

Answer 4

Only after you have a bond.

Different bond for personal and professional communication.

Question 5

Checking on each other every few days? 3/3

Answer 5

How full is your tank?

What can we do to fill it up?

Think for yourself along love language lines…

Question 6

How to give encouragement?

Answer 6

It requires empathy. You must first learn what is important to your spouse!

You are trying to communicate: I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help?

Question 7

Importance of the way we speak: an ancient sage from Gary Chapman?

Answer 7

A soft answer turns away anger

Question 8

What not to do with failures of the past?

Answer 8

Let them be history!

Don’t let them pollute a potentially wonderful present.

We can choose to live today free from failures of yesterday.

Question 9

What is beautiful about the failure?

Answer 9

You are not a failure because you have failed!

I am proud of you because you have found courage to try something risky!

Question 10

What you need to do for someone who has quality time as love language? 3/3

Answer 10

Give her full attention

Do something that she enjoys doing

Do it wholeheartedly

Question 11

What to do with Nikki’s unfinished tasks?

Answer 11

Complete them with love ❤️ and let her know so she knows that you accept her the way she is

“Finishing patrol”

You can’t teach the spouse like you teach children

Question 12

In what settings to give praise and discipline?

Answer 12

Praise in public

Discipline privately

Even talk with someone else, good things about the kid in their presence. They may roll their eyes but they will for sure remember.

Question 13

Providing quality conversation: how to get in touch with your feelings per Gary Chapman?

Answer 13

Note the emotions that you feel away from home

What emotions I felt in last three hours ? - ask and write down tid: event-feelings

Communicate those feelings with your spouse as often as possible

Question 14

What is significance of emotions in our live by Gary Chapman?

Answer 14

We should communicate them to have quality conversation

Emotions are neither good or bed. They are simply our psychological responses to the events of life.

Question 15

Self-revelation: a necessary process needed for quality conversation, requires expression of following components of every day events? (4)

Answer 15

Emotions
Thoughts
Desires

and eventually….
Actions

Question 16

What to do when Nikki is using an argument that is not logical? (1-3)

Answer 16

Look for deeper meaning:

What are the emotions behind it?

What psychological need is she trying to satisfy by solving the issue her way?

Is it because of guilt of being good wife or mom?

Question 17

What kind of effect my calmness may have on Nikki?

Answer 17

Irritating that I am not affected by fight

I shall express to her my feelings verbally

Question 18

What is the most important phase of new plan?(1+5)

Answer 18

Maintenance phase

Keep checking periodically: how things are work working for us:

love language
communication
kids
sports
anxiety level

Question 19

What is my task to do in “touch” project?

Answer 19

Talk to Nikki about need for touch

Whisper that she is not getting sex

Do some PDA in front of children

Continue with the conversation and touch exposure

Question 20

How to praise and make somebody sensitive - only long term plan would work?

Answer 20

Praise rationale and actions to reinforce good thoughts

Once sensitivity is learnt, there is going to be my turn at some point…

Learn how to ask for touch though - Vicki says!

Question 21

What is the goal of communications skills development?

Answer 21

That you can have difficult conversation without fear or avoidance of that - with anybody, but especially loved ones!

That you remember of Nikki’s good intention

That you can maintain a gentle presence regardless of the situation

Question 22

How to downsize argument by giving it a score?

Answer 22

Score the importance of the topic for each of you on 0-10 scale

Question 23

How to dissolve stress per Vickie? (4)

Answer 23

Say that you are going to vent.

Do it for 30 sec

Reassess whether you feel better

Ask yourself if you want to do troubleshooting now

Question 24

How coaches work to achieve goal that hasn’t been achieved?

Answer 24

They recognize progress, but don’t criticize

They brainstorm together opportunities

The team goal is going to be below what the best member can achieve, but it can be realistically achieved by the entire team

Apply it to the relationship

Question 25

What will happen if Nikki senses critique?

Answer 25

She will rebel and become defensive and aggressive

Nikki, Vicki and Hubert - we all know it.

Focus on her progress! Forget the wishy goal of yours and enjoy the change that have occurred!

She is motivated to make it better. Isn’t it the best that she can do in current situation?

Question 26

The most important intervention?

Answer 26

Praise five times to be able to criticize once

Agree with emotions and ask how can I help you

Question 27

What if Nikki brings the granade to the party?

Answer 27

I am still the responsible one, for pulling the pin.
I should apologize and NOT to expect apology for bringing the granade

After all, Nikki wants to see me vulnerable and apologetic

Question 28

What shall I do if Nikki brings granade to the party?

Answer 28

Step back, take five deep breaths and DON’T, DON’T touch the safety pin

Question 29

Four horsemens if relationship?

Answer 29

Criticism vs. complaint

Contempt - from sense of superiority and long simmering negative thoughts: sarcasm, eye-rolling, hostile humor, accusing of moral deficiency

Defensiveness as it /\ escalates the conflict

Stonewalling

Question 30

Gottman: signs he uses to predict divorce? (6)

Answer 30

Harsh Start-Up
Four Hoursemen
Flooding
Body Language
Failed Repair Attempts
Bad Memories

Question 31

What do I need to work on in interactions with people according to Vickie 2/26/24?

Answer 31

I am quite often right.

I have trouble convincing other people that I am right. (leadership role)

Be vulnerable. See their perspective. Crucial conversations.

Question 32

How to take a break as a group in order to resolve conflict - per Vickie 2/26/24?

Answer 32

Take maybe 2-3 minutes or come back at a given time

Remember that we are the team or family that loves and supports each other

Have a purpose/task for the break. Let’s everyone come back with the idea of….

Otherwise some might be pondering during the break.