Books Flashcards
Kazuo Ishiguro: The remains of the Day: quote about difficult task?
It was a difficult task, but as such, one that demanded to be carried out with dignity - Butler Stevens
What happens if you try to encourage somebody who at this point doesn’t have such a desire?
The words will come across as judgmental and guilt inducing.
They express not love but rejection.
Gary Chapman: “Words of Affirmation”
Ayn Rand about freedom in Anthem?
There is nothing to take a man’s freedom away from him, save other men.
To be free, a man must be free of his brothers. That is freedom. That and nothing else.
Autumn Calabrese from Beachbody about self programming?
I can or I can’t. You are right. It is your choice.
How to ask somebody for a favor without putting them on the spot, without triggering them to become defensive?
Examples:
The “but you are free” (BYAF) rule avoids that problem by instantly giving the other person an out.
We’re looking for volunteers, but you are free to say no.”
“Could you give me a hand? I know you’re busy, so please don’t feel like you have to.”
“I completely understand if you don’t have time, but could you … ?”
Crucial conversations: risky, controversial or emotional conversations: what skilled people do?
They are able to get all information, from themselves and others, out open on the table:
Express opinions
Share the feelings
Articulate their theories
free flow of open conversation
CC: In order to foster conditions for everyone you should start with dialogue: How to adjust my attitude? 3/3
Heart: Start with own heart
Motive: Makes sure that you have the right motive
Focus: Stay focused throughout the entire conversation
CC: difference between smart people and sucker’s choice in conversation
Smart people always believe that dialogue is possible and that there are options
Sucker choice makes us commit to easy choice through false dichotomy of two equally unattractive options and shuts down the creativity
CC: ask yourself for goals before you start crucial conversation (3+1)
What do I want for:
- myself
-others
-relationship
How would I behave if I really wanted those results?
CC: what happens naturally with your approach when the stakes are high?
You naturally resort to skills and techniques that you had learnt long time ago
CC: fight and flight mode: what are one’s desires at this moment?
to win
to revenge
to withstand the moment
…how one can engage in something creative???
CC: fight and flight mode: what are one’s desires at this moment?
to win
to revenge
to withstand the moment
CC: silent during conversation - what are the consequences?
You accept possibility of bad results in order to avoid the unpleasant conversation
CC: regular conversation turns to crucial conversation: how to carry it as a dual conversion?
Pay attention to the content and emotional responses of other people and try to understand those responses
“why” is critical to the success
CC: crucial conversation going sideways: what to do?
detect early
signs of: stress, being afraid (kills free flow of meaning), silence or violence, changes in your own body, voice
act swiftly (relax, step back, stop flooding to allow for thinking)
