Test 3: Matt Hammond Love & Sex Flashcards
Name and Describe Two Relationship Identities:
(A) Monogamy:
Romantic or sexual
relationship with one other
person that is consensual.
(B) Consensual Non-
Monogamy:
Romantic or sexual
intimacy with more than
one person that is
consensual.
What is committment?
Long-term intention to maintain a relationship.
*commitment is unique construct from these two relationship identities! You can be in a monogamous or consensual non- monogamous relationship without any commitment.
Consensual Non-Monogamy covers a broad category of relationship identities:
but does not include…
- Open relationships
- Polyamorous relationships
- Commerce
- Poly/mono relationships
- Dating around
- Don’t tell, don’t ask
- 100-mile run
- Soft swing
- Closed group swinging
- Casual sex
- Con sex
- Unicorn polyamory
- Religious/social polyamory
- Polyfidelity
- BDSM play or d/s
- non-monogamy
*Does not include cheating which involves nonconsensual polyamory and a break of trust/rule.
Main questions people ask when researching polyamory?
Q: How many people are in non-monogamous relationships?
Current estimate is 5-10% of the population.
This is equivalent to 1 in 20 or 1 in 10 people, which is a very high percentage of the population.
Approx. the same amount of people who own cats are in a consensual non-monogamous relationship.
If non-monogamy is so common why is it so hard to name someone we know who is in this type of relationship?
(A) Anti-CNM Prejudice:
There are high levels of stereotyping and discrimination.
Reports of personal experience of anti-CNM discrimination is between28-43% which is an alarmingly high percentage. Considering the average person has experienced only 5.5% of discrimination.
(B) Structural Discrimination:
Society is set up for favoring monogamous relationships, when you do not fit this relationship identity it is much harder at a policy level to adopt a child or get married because you do not fit the “normative” family structure.
How can we apply social psychological research to this social phenomenon?
By myth-busting common myths that underpin anti-CNM discrimination and using empirical research to inform and improve policies around these issues.
Note: we are targeting the beliefs that lead to prejudice and not the experience of discrimination itself.
(3) Myths about Consensual
Monogamy:
(A) Humans have a limited
supply of Love
(B) Non-Polyamory
relationships will harm
children
(C) In CNM relationships there
is a danger of jealousy and
inequality(1) Humans have a limited supply of love can be myth busted using…
Two older theories of “love”:
(A) Hendricks & Hendricks
(1993) describe being in
love as…
*93% of people said when
they were in love, they
also feel love. 87% of
people said that when
they're in love, they also
felt sexual attraction.
*For people who felt love
only 14% also felt sexual
attraction. 23% of people
who felt love also felt they
were in love.
*people who felt sexual
attraction for half the time
also were in love with them
and half the time felt love
for them.
(B) Sternberg’s (1987)
triangular theory of love:
Main points: > Intimacy + commitment + passion = love > Passion + intimacy = romantic love > Intimacy + commitment = conmpaniote love
**both models highlight that love is made up of components/dimensions of feeling of love and sexual desire.
Two modern theories of love:
(A) Functional Perspective (Aron
and Aron, 1991)
Love is a psychological process – functions to build and maintain social bonds.
(B) Biological/Interpretive Theory
(Fisher, 2004)
bonding or sexual desire are biological systems --- get interpreted as being love.
****in both theories of love there
is “no limited supply of love”
both are systems for all
relationships platonic or
romantic. Unlimited supply of
love.
Biological/Interpretive Theory of Love (Fisher, 2004)
Looked at FMRI scans when subjects were asked to think about a maternal figure or romantic partner. They found that there are certain aspects of loving someone that is localized to parts of the brain.
(A) Estrogen/testosterone
Sex hormone in both females and males. Females have more estrogen than males and males have more testosterone than females.
Hormone associated with sex drive and horniness.
Too much testosterone is linked to male patterned baldness.
(B) Oxytocin/vasopressin
Termed the Love hormone or cuddle hormone because it went crazy when mothers bonded with their child.
Since then there has been research that found these hormones are linked to aggression, primarily aggression motivated to protect what is ours and anyone outside your group. Animals who mate with anything were found to have low levels of these hormones.
A better label is a bonding hormone, forming a connection that you are trying to protect. It can explain the warmth feeling we get when we are in love or eat chocolate.
It’s the ompff we get during sex.
(C) Dopamine/Norepinephrine
(serotonin)
Motivation reward system: Dopamine increases.
Adrenaline and excitement: increase in Norepinephrine
Serotonin decreases significantly: why we can’t eat or sleep because being in love disrupts our sleep/hunger regulation system
*all three associated with initial attraction
In summary, Love is defined by Fisher (2004) as the interpretation/described experience of different biological systems (e.g. neurotransmitters/hormones) that exist in all animals for survival and reproduction. Animals are exactly like humans; the key distinction is that we try to describe the experience.
Functional Perspective (Aron and Aron, 1991)
According to this perspective why do people fall out of love?
Love has a function, and is a combination of our behaviors, cognitions and emotions.
Is a motivational state: instances where a combination of things are linked by the same goal directed function.
e. g. hunger is a motivational state that directs us to the behavior of eating.
e. g. tiredness is a motivational state that directs us towards sleeping.
Therefore, love can be considered as a motivational state which directs us towards other people, to build and maintain positive social relationships.
Love is… a psychobiological function that produces mutual commitment, deep interconnections & physical well-being/safety between people.
Research Question: Why do we love, and fall in & out of love?
Changes in felt closeness between people is what causes people to feel love (intimacy). This can be temporarily induced in an experimental context by asking participants to ask each other a set of questions which were designed to promote mutual disclosure between pairs of subjects and ultimately leave subjects feeling happy and accepted by one another.
Questions were more personal than you would normally expect to have in a conversation with a stranger.
Designed to gradually build up intimacy between two individuals.
*therefore, with these questions, time and willing participants you could theoretically get any two people to fall in love.
(2) Non-Polyamory
relationships will harm
children
Zero evidence of any harm (or meaningful difference) between M/CNM families.
Caveat: CNM are inevitably more likely experience relationship dissolution simply because the risk increases as the number of people in the relationship increases.
However, there is also evidence of them potentially being more protected of this as well.
*Children in CNM families are more vulnerable to structural and external discrimination or prejudice that their parents face.
Adults who were raised in CNM families generally have better communication skills and safer sexual behaviors.
**Nobody has only two parental figures within a family network there are many people who help raise children so CNM should not be that surprising.
Define Jealousy and Compersion
(A) Jealousy:
An aversive emotion toward someone who is taking or threatening to take away someone or thing we own.
(B) Compersion:
Pleasure gained due to a partner’s pleasurable experience with someone else.
(3) In CNM relationships there is a danger of jealousy and inequality
In a CNM:
Communication about boundaries and attraction lead to better open communication channels.
**Therefore, open communication leads to less jealousy (not increase or decrease in relationship satisfaction).
Evidence: Murphy et al. (2019)
233 people in a 2-person relationship wanting to open their relationship to CNM. After a 2- month period they were interviewed again.
1/3 of the sample choose to keep their relationship monogamous → Same satisfaction
2/3 choose to engage in CNM → Higher satisfaction
*probably due to compersion their satisfaction increased!
How can compersion be applied?
Applying psychology to the world tells us about our own understanding of psychology.
Compersion can be applied to any area: it is not strictly sexual it can be platonic as well.
dogs eating cake: looking at this image makes me at least very happy.
Not because we want the cake they have, it’s a dog biscuit cake it wouldn’t taste nice.
This is an example, of compersion where we gain pleasure from seeing these dogs in pleasure.
*Thus, this could be applied to many domains of life.
How we approach Jealousy in a relationship….
How we approach Jealousy in a relationship, if we approach it with a lens that see’s jealousy as a protective factor that helps us keep what is perceived to be ours and may be taken from us
Or you could view jealousy as an indicator of poor communication within a relationship about needs, desires and fears which can lead to a maladaptive emotion like jealousy.
