Sex and Infidelity / Ch. 9 Flashcards

Gloria

1
Q

Sexual behaviour

A

sexuality is the primary feature distinguishing romantic relationships from others

  • sex cannot be directly observered/hard to study
  • studying sex is mostly self report
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2
Q

Sex in relationships- how often do couples have sex

A

cohabiting couples: 12.2x/month
married couples: 6.5/month

  • married couples happier, and less likely to break up
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3
Q

What predicts sexual frequency

A

age and relationsip length

  • first year of relationship couples have more sex than they wil ever have again
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4
Q

Why does sexual frequency decline

A
  • habituation - become used to paretner, less sexual desire and arousal
  • children - pregnancy is tiring, once baby is born couples have trounle reestablishing sexual inticmay, kids are exhausting
  • getting older

  • biggest predictor of sexual frequency in marriages (decreases) ; age, poor marital satisfaction, poor health, having baby, being catholic (birth control, they dont use it)
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5
Q

Predictors of sexual frequency (increase)

A
  • newlyweds
  • being remarried
  • being sterlie
  • wanting a child
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6
Q

Getting older and sex

A
  • 50-54yr olds have sex 5.5x a month
  • 65-69yr olds have sex 2.4x a month
  • 75 and over, less than 1x a month

  • not a uniform decline
  • some couples keep going and some stop
  • getting older affects health usually
  • they replace vaginal sex with other stuff
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7
Q

How important is sex to relationships

A
  • sexual frequency associated with relationship satisfaction
  • sex may be apart of calculating rewards/costs (interdependece theory)
  • sexual frequency declines overtime but satisfaction doesn’t
  • having sex more than once a week doesn’t really make you any happier
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8
Q

What predicts good sex

A
  • relationship satisfaction
  • feelings of love
  • secure attachment
  • commitment
  • relationship quality
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9
Q

What is sexual satisfaction derived from

A
  • more frequent sex
  • greater variety of sexual activity
  • occuarance and consistency of orgasm (esp women)
  • communcation about sex (high reciprocity in intitation, acceptance, disclosure of likes and dislikes
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10
Q

Why do people have sex - motivations for sex

A
  • reproduction, pleasure, intimacy, gain sexual experience, avoid conflict, impress friends
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11
Q

Motivation and sex study

A
  • undergrads in 14 days study
  • each day wrote about: relationship well being, sexual behavior and motives for sex
  • approach motives - aimed toward obtaining positive outcomes
  • avoid motives - aimed toward avoiding negative outcomes

  • when people had sex for approach motives, they experienced more closeness, satisfaction and less conflict with partner
  • people who used avoid motives, experienced less satisfaction, closeness and more conflict, more likely to break up 1 month later
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12
Q

Hooking up

A
  • physical intimacy with a person without a mutaully agreed upon commitment
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13
Q

Hooking up - study

A
  • measured numbers of variables at time 1
  • assessed number of hookups at time 2 (4 months later)
  • 80% of ps reported at least one hook up
  • 20% of ps report non penatrative hookup
  • 58% reported oral sex or intercourse
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14
Q

Biggest predictor of hooking up

increase and decrease

A
  • alcohol use (increase)
  • previous hookup experience (increase)
  • relationship awareness (decrease)
  • religiosity (decrease)
  • loneliness (hookup less)
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15
Q

Study

Consequences of hooking up (hu)

A
  • 500 ps who reported hooking up w someone at least once
  • asked to think about day after hu, how do you feel
  • people report more positve emotions (happy, desirables, pleased, excited) than negative ones
  • men reported more positive emotions
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16
Q

Condom use effects on people

A
  • has an effect on peoples emotions
  • diff for women and men
  • women who reported using condoms tended to report fewer positive emotions and more negative ones - feeling more empty, dissapointed awkward; they feel less close to partner with condom on
  • men who reported using condoms had the exact same level of positive emotions compared to men who didn’t use them; felt safer bc less chance of baby
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17
Q

Alcohol use and hooking up

A
  • associated with fewer positive emotions and more negative ones
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18
Q

Can FWB turn into more?

A
  • people often report wanting to star relationships with hookup or FWB
  • 25% of men and 40% of women hope their bookups will develop into a commited relationship
  • only 10-20% acctually transition to a committed relationships
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19
Q

FWB and becoming committed study

A
  • out of 764 ps in exclusive relationships; 150 ps started as FWB
  • when they compare the two groups
  • peope who start relationships with FWB report lower relationship satisfaction
  • no difference for groups on : quality of commuication, ambiguity of commitment, likelihood of breaking up a year later

  • starting relationship off FWB is pretty rare
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20
Q

What did ps constitue as cheating (kruger)

A
  • gave ps each of the 27 items and asked to rate what they thought was considered cheating
  • most representative = intercourse
  • least representative = giving 5$ to other person
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21
Q

Ps listed behaviours they think are unfaithful (yarab)

A
  • cheating pretty common for both men and women
  • biggest difference is about fantasies
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22
Q

700 college student study

How common is cheating

A
  • asked, in a relationship have you ever kissed or had some sexual contact with someone else
  • 50% of women
  • 75% of men
  • Have you ever had intercourse
  • 33% of women
  • 50% of men
  • men report cheating more …
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23
Q

How common is infidelity

A

72% of ps reported emotional infiedleity
48% of ps reported physical infidelity
- emoitonal is more common

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24
Q

Prevalence of infidelity

A
  • rates of cheating are relatively high
  • but no gender differences
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25
Q

Most common cheating for men

A
  • casually flirted
  • fantasized about sexual play
  • having mild romantic feelings
  • sexual attraction to someone else
  • group study
  • fantasize about intercourse
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26
Q

Most common cheating for women

A
  • casually flirted
  • group dinner
  • group study
  • group lunch
  • mild romantic feelings
  • was sexually attracted to
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27
Q

Cheating among married couples

A
  • survey over 1000 married ps - asked how many people have you had sexual intercourse with in the past 12 months
  • 29 respondents said more than 1 person
  • when they surveyed 4994 married women not that many were unfaithful (1.08 on computer survey) 6.8% face to face

  • cheating is less common among married people compared to undergrads
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28
Q

Why do people cheat

A
  • sexuality (need for variety)
  • sexual incompatibility
  • emotional satisfaction
  • social context (opportunity, separation)
  • attitudes/norms - monogamy is not it for these people
  • revenge/hostility
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29
Q

Demographic predictors of cheating (gender)

A
  • in early studies it showed men cheated more but now there is not really a gender difference
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30
Q

Demographic predictors of cheating (religion)

A
  • religious people cheat less
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31
Q

education (cheating)

A
  • highly educated individuals more likely to report infidelity than less educated individuals
  • maybe due to more opportunites to cheat
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32
Q

demographic predictors of cheating - INCOME

A
  • individuals with higher income prone to infidleity
  • more opportunities to cheat
  • one study found that 50% of cheater found their extradyadic partner through work
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33
Q

Interpersonal predictors of cheating (relationship quality)

A
  • not at all
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34
Q

interpersonal predictors of cheating - commitment

A
  • less committed people more likely to cheat
  • because they are less satisfied, they have higher quality of alternatives and less investment
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35
Q

Who is more likely to cheat (Buss) - newly weds

A
  • completed a number of personality measures for themselves and their partners
  • asked to indicate how likely it was they would engage in some cheating behaviors in the next year: flirting, passionately kiising, date, one night stand, affair, serious affair
  • people think they will flirt
36
Q

self predicotrs of cheating (buss study)

A
  • narcissism
  • conscientiousness (negative)
  • impulsivity, low self control
37
Q

partner predicotrs of cheating (buss)

A
  • partner sexualizing others
  • partner is jealous and possessive
  • partner withholds sex, controlling
  • partner abuses alcohol
38
Q

contexutal predictors of cheating (buss)

A
  • marital dissatisfaction
  • sexual dissatisfaction
39
Q

Detecting cheaters - std clinic

A
  • studied 90 couples surveyed at STD clincil and asked them to report whether they had sex with partners outside of the relationship, and if they believed their partner did
  • 66% of inferences were correct
  • sutdy of 203 undergrad couples revelaed that men were correct 89.7% of time and women only 79.7%

  • people are pretty good at detecting cheating but men seem to be better
40
Q

Cues of physical Infidelity (Buss)

A
  • physical evidence - STI, smell like sex
  • partner gets caught
  • partner may be uninteresed in sex
  • partner changes normal routines
  • displays more sexual interest to comepensate, overly affectionate
41
Q

Cues of emotional infidelity Buss

A
  • becomes dissatisfied
  • partner is inconsiderate
  • partner is angry and critical
  • doesn’t wanna spend time together
42
Q

Detecting cheaters (Lambert)

A
  • ps came into lab with partner
  • asked to complete infidelity questionnare assessing physical and emotional intimacy with another person
  • couples then completed drawing task
  • coders then rated ; how likely is it this person has shown interest in someone other than their parnter
  • results showed a significant correlation between ps actual infidelity and coder ratings
43
Q

voice

Detecting cheaters ( harrison)

A
  • 10 men and 10 women make a voice recording of them couting to 10
  • half these people were cheaters
  • they played these recordings to new ps and asked them how likely it is person speaking ever cheated
  • people are good at detecting cheating, they rated cheaters more likely to cheat based on vocal information
  • women more likely to see someone as a cheater than males were
44
Q

faces

detecting cheaters (rhodes)

A
  • ps shown pics of 189 faces with neutral expressions
  • were asked which faces were unfaithful on scale of 1-10
  • females ps were good at detecting cheating
  • men are less good at this, men see attractive women as more likely to cheat
45
Q

for men

jealousy, infidelity, evolution

A
  • men and women have different reasons for feelig jealous
  • men big problem is they can never be certain if child is truly theirs
  • men uncertain of paternity, so evolution forced men to be sensitive to sexual infidleity
  • men must avoid raising someone else’s child - control womens sexual behavior
46
Q

women

jealousy, cheating, evolution

A

women : differential investment
- women invest more in parenting, so evolution favored wome who were more sensitive to threat of loss of investment from mate
- women must avoid getting ill, or abandoned

47
Q

hooking up and feelings (textbook)

A
  • if we are hooking up to just seek some fun and pleasure, positive reactions usually outweigh negative ones
  • if we hook up in order to avoid disapproval, unhaoy reactions usually predominate
48
Q

sex differences in attidues toward casual sex

A
  • One of the larger sex differences is in attitudes toward casual nonmarital sex; men are more likely than women to think that sex without love is okay, so they usually feel better the morning after a hookup than women do
  • tradiontally women have been more judged than men for being sexually experienced: sexual double standard
49
Q

attitudes about same sex sexuality

A
  • very small amount of americans, 31% believe that marriage between same sex adults should be illegal
  • but the more contact people have with members of the LGBTQ+ community, the more favorable people feelings towards them are
50
Q

same sex attitudes

A
  • people were more tolerant of homosexuality-saying it should be accepted by society- if they believed sexual orientaion was someone people were born with and vice versa
51
Q

Cultural differneces in sexual attitudes

A
  • sexual attitudes of americans look surprisingly conservative, when compared to opnions expressed in other countires
  • a cross culutral survey found that the USA held more conservative beliefs about premarital sex, extramarital sex, and same sex relations than did australia, canada, germany…
    • African Americans hold more permissive sexual attitudes than whites do, with Hispanic Americans and Asian Americans being more conservative, in that order
52
Q

Sex for the first time

A
  • 97% of us dont wait till marriage
  • average age of first intercourse is now 17 for both men and women
  • these patterns are different from what grandparents experienced in their generation, usully waited 2 to 3 years longer
53
Q

American teen pregnancy

A
  • american teens are being more responisble than they used to be: most are on some form of birth control, teen birth rate is at an all time low
  • but they are not being careful enough : in america, about 1 in 4 adolescents becomes pregnant before she turns 20
54
Q

First expeirence of sex

A
  • most teens find their first expereince with sex to be more positive than negative, on the whole. men enjoy it a lot more, being likely to reach orgasm
54
Q

Waiting to have sex with partner?

A
  • taking yur time seems to pay off
  • couples who have sex on their first date (or soon after) experience poorer outcomes down the road, being less satisfied and communicatin less well, than do those who wait a few weeks to become sexually intimate
54
Q

consequence of pattern of causal hookups

A
  • a patttern of sex with casual partners, especially one-night stands, is associated with greater tensions and more hurtful behavior in one’s romances 4 years later
54
Q

4 themes of why people have sex in committed relationships

A
  • emotional component of sex as a communication of love and committment
  • physical aspect of sex; physical pleasure to be gained from sex, and the physical attractiveness of potential partner
  • pragmatic, involving the wish to attain some goal or accomplish some objective that could range from making a baby to making someone jealous
  • based on insecurity, involving the desire to boost one’s self-esteem or to keep a partner from straying
55
Q

Sex in Committed relationships

A
  • most common reasons for sex involved positve states: ‘attraction, pleasure, affection, love, etc
  • infrequent reasons were more calculating and callous, involving the desire to do harm, to gain advantage, or to enhance one’s social status
55
Q

which of the 4 themes most common for men

A
  • men and women endorsed emotional reasons with equal frequency
  • men were more likely than women to gave sex for physical, pragmatic and insecure reasons
56
Q

infidelity and cohbaitiation

A
  • rates of cheating are higher in couples that are dating or cohabiting
57
Q

sociosexual orientations

A
  • the traitlike collections of beliefs and behaviors that describe our feelings about sex
  • people who willing to gave sex only in the context of a committed rleationship were said to have a restricted socisexual orientation
58
Q

David seal - sociosexuality study

A
  • David Seal (1994) shed light on this pattern in study
    of heterosexual college students who were currently in dating relationships but who were asked to evaluate a computer dating video of an attractive member of the other sex.
  • After viewing the tape, participants were told they could enter a drawing to win a free date with the person in the video, and they were invited to indicate how willing they would be to engage in a series of physically intimate behaviors with the date.
  • found that 36 percent of those who were unrestricted in their sociosexuality entered the drawing for the date, whereas only 4 percent of those who were restricted did.

  • Sociosexuality is clearly a meaningful characteristic that distinguishes those who are likely to cheat from those who are not.
  • It’s intriguing, then, that when their faces are presented side-by-side, observers can generally distinguish people with unrestricted orientations from those with restricted orientations
59
Q

good genes hypothesis

A
  • some women - in particular, those with less desriable mates - can profit from a dual mating strategy in which they a) purse long term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed their offspring while (b) surreptitiously seeking good genes for their children from other men
60
Q

sperm competition

A
  • occurs when the spern of two or more men occupy a woman’s vagina at the same time
61
Q

when are people more likely to cheat

A
  • when they become dissatisfied with their present partners (Scott et al., 2017) and the quality of their alternatives is high
62
Q

consensual non-monogamy

A
  • partners agree that it is acceptable to have more than one sexual or romantic relationship at the same time
63
Q

open relationship

A
  • partner feels free to have sex with others, sometimes going on dates they wont talk about later– but they agree to avoid any romantic or emotional attachments to those other peope
64
Q

swingers

A
  • they pursure extradyadic sex as a couple, for example, having sex at parties they both attent; their connections to others are casual
65
Q

polyamory

A
  • the partners do have ful fleged love affairs that may be both sexual and romantic relationships with more than one person
66
Q

polyamorous partners

A
  • may be indivudals who have two or more separate romantic relaitonships or three or more people who are all in love with eachother (throuple)
  • Most often, when polyamorous people have two lovers,
    one of them is “primary” and the other is “secondary”; in the primary relationship, the partners have usually been together longer, live together, share finances, and are often married and have children together
    -Polyamorous people routinely receive greater nurturance, security, and comfort from their primary partners and enjoy higher eroticism and passion with their secondary partners,
  • combined nurturance and eroticism they enjoy from their different partners is usually greater than the warmth and passion monogamous people experience in their relationships with a single lover
67
Q

sexual desire

A
  • men have higher sex drives
  • this may lead to misunderstandings in the relationship or annoyance
  • some husbands may be chronically frusturated by getting less sex than they want at the same times wives may be irritated by request for more
68
Q

who is using condoms

safe, sensible sex

A
  • 30% of hte women gad sex with their new partners when they first met.
  • 77% of women who met their partner online did not use a condom when they first had sex
69
Q

why do smart people have unsafe sex?

A
  • underestimates of risk, as our perceived likelihood of infection decreases, lots of us become less likely to use condoms even when we know that our partner is infected with something
  • faulty decision making, don’t want to use condoms in heat of moment
70
Q

illusion of unique invulnerability

why smart people have unsafe sex

A
  • this can inflience our estimates of risk, we belive bad things are more likely to happen to others instead of us, so we don’t take precautions
71
Q

what causes us to make poor sexual choices

A
  • sexual arousal, when we are turned on, we see things differently
  • intoxication: alter our decision making. when people get drunk they are less likely to use condoms when they are having sex with someone for the first time
  • young adults want to have safe sex but fail to pursue it because they wrongly believe it’s unpopular
  • inequalites in power may lead to no condom use
  • abstience education - some teach students condoms don’t work so then they don’t use it
  • low self control
  • women feel less close when they use condoms
  • stealthing - secertly removing condom
72
Q

alcohol mytopia x bad sexual decisions

A
  • this involves the reduction of people’s abilites to think about and prcess all of the information available to them when intoxicated
73
Q

sexual satisfaction

A
  • we enjoy sex more when we care about our partners and are committed to our partnerships
74
Q

sexual satisfaction study

A
  • In one study, 89 percent of husbands and wives who had sex three times a week or more reported that they were content with their sex lives, whereas only 32 percent of spouses having sex just once a month were as satisfied
    When couples were asked by researchers to double the amount of sex they were having, their energy and enthusiasm for sex, and the quality of their sex, actually declined slightly
  • sexual interactions are most rewarding when they fulfill basic human needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
  • we are happiest and healthiest when we routinely engage in activities that allow us to choose and control our own actions (that’s autonomy), to feel confident and capable (that’s competence), and to establish close connections to others (relatedness)
  • robbing women of their initiative and control decreases their sexual desire, reduces their arousal, and makes it harder for
    them to reach orgasm, so sex is a lot less fun for them
75
Q

sex diaries (UCLA)

A
  • sex is more satisfying, intimate and fun when people engage in sex for positive reasons
  • people who have sex for avoidance reasons are more likely to break up
76
Q

sexual growth

A
  • People who endorse sexual growth beliefs conceive of sexual
    satisfaction as something you work for; they think that sexual success is malleable and that you can enjoy more of it by striving to attain it.
77
Q

```

~~~

sexual destiny

A
  • sexual destiny beliefs lead people to think that to have great sex, you just have to find your sexual soulmate; you’re sexually compatible with some people and not with others, and that’s just the way it is.
78
Q

sexual communcation

A
  • clear communcation about sex is associated with better sexual functioning
79
Q

sexual communication study - men and women talking

A
  • study invited men and women to get acquainted with each other, chatting one-on-one, while another man and another woman observed their conversation.
  • Both the men participating in the interactions and those watching them tended to interpret friendliness from the women as signs of sexual interest, even when the women doing the talking had no wish to be sexually provocative and the women looking on saw no such conduct.
  • The men literally perceived signs of sexual flirtatiousness
    that were not intended and that probably did not exist.
80
Q

sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction

A
  • One reason sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction are linked is that they are subject to similar influences.
  • Similarity and perceived partner responsiveness are two examples. We generally like those who are similar to us, and spouses are more content when they (think that they) share similar levels of sexual desire and similar sexual histories.
  • tend to be more satisfied in intimate relationships in which there’s good sex because fulfilling sex makes a partnership more gratifying, and love for a partner makes sex more rewarding in turn
81
Q

sexual coercion

A
  • type of pressure that is applied
    a) mildly coercive verbal persuasion (false promises, guilt induction, threats to end relationship)
    b) plying someone with alcohol or drugs to weaken resistance
    c) threat of, or actual use of phyiscal force to comple someone’s submission