Conflict and IPV / Ch. 11 & 12 - pp.482-492 Flashcards
Meg
What are the 5 most common topics in marriages?
– Children (Differences in parenting styles, discipline, childcare duties)
– Chores (who does what)
– Money (spending, wages, bills, etc.)
– Free Time (spending together, vs activities)
– Communication (Spouse not listening, understanding)
Frequent conflict lowers _______
relationship quality
T/F: most fights arise from nothing
True
What is the most important thing about conflict?
How it is handled
Who developed the four horseman based on observing couples for 30 years?
Gottman
T/F: Gottman’s work is empirically tested?
False
What are gottman’s four horsemen?
- criticism
- comtempt
- defensiveness
- stonewalling
Four Horsemen: Criticism
– Attacking partner’s personality and character
– “Kitchen-sinking”
Four Horsemen: Contempt
– Trying to insult or psychologically abuse partner
– Name-calling, sarcasm
Four Horsemen: Defensiveness
– Seeing self as victim
– Cross-Complaining
– “Yes-butting”
– Mind-reading (e.g., “I know how you think.”)
– Rubber Man/Woman (e.g., “I’m rude - YOU’RE rude!”)
Four Horsemen: Stonewalling
– Stony silence, removing self physically
– Withdrawa
What is kitchen sinking? (associated with four horsemen: criticism)
when couples are fighting about one thing, but someone starts throwing a bunch of other things in the mix to fight about
What is often the first step in the demand/withdraw pattern?
Stonewalling
What is the demand/withdraw pattern?
demanding criticizes, nags, makes demands; withdrawer avoids confrontation, withdraws, becomes defensive
Demand/withdraw patterns are strongly linked to _____
gender
What are two “accounts” associated with gender and demand/withdraw patterns?
sociostructural and physiological
What are two gender-related sociostructural accounts (demand/withdraw)
– Women are more likely than men to ask their partner to change
– Women are often thrust into the demander role and men respond
with withdrawal
What are common demands that women make?
help with household chores, child care, and express more intimacy
What is one physiological account (demand/withdraw)
Men tend to get more aroused by conflict with their partners and
tend to withdraw to regulate this arousal
What are 3 things that demand/withdraw is associated with?
relational outcomes
wellness outcomes
communication outcomes
What is one of gottman’s quotes that is the main takeaway of conflict?
Not whether you fight, its how you fight that matters
Name the ways to resolve conflict from most destructive to most constructive (5)
separation
domination
compromise
integrative agreements
structural improvements
Name the ways to resolve conflict from most constructive to most destructive (5)
structural improvement
integrative agreements
comrpomise
domination
separation
What is the most destructive way of “resolving conflict”?
separation
What is the most constructive way of resolving conflict?
structural imrpovement
What is separation? (resolving conflict)
Withdrawal of one or both partners without conflict
being resolved
What is domination? (resolving conflict)
One partner continues to pursue his or her goals,
while the other gives in
What is compromise? (resolving conflict)
Both partners give up their original ideal in favor of a
mutually acceptable alternative
What is integrative agreements? (resolving conflict)
Satisfy both partners’ original ideals
What is structural improvement? (resolving conflict)
When argument results in fundamental
positive change in the relationship
Conflict can be good, but can vary depending on personality of the individuals such as ________ and ________
self-esteem and attachment style
Conflict can be good, but can vary as a function of a person’s implicit theories such as _______ vs. _______ beliefs
growth vvs. destiny
Conflict can be good, but can vary depending on ______ and _____ to accomodate partners bad behaviour
motivation and ability
conflict can be good, but depends on (4)
personality
implicit theories
whether conflict is resolved
motivation and ability to accomodate partner
What are the four types of accommodation responses?
exit (active/negative)
voice (active/positive)
loyalty (passive/positive)
neglect (passive/negative)
What is the exit strategy?
Separating, moving out of a joint residence, actively abusing one’s
partner, breaking up, divorcing, threatening to leave, or screaming at
one’s partner
What is the voice strategy?
Discussing problems, seeking help from a friend or therapist,
suggesting solutions, changing oneself, or urging one’s partner to
change
What is the loyalty strategy?
Waiting and hoping that things will improve, supporting the partner in
the face of criticism, or praying for improvement
What is the neglect strategy?
Ignoring the partner or spending less time together, avoiding
discussing problems, treating the partner poorly (being cross with
him or her), criticizing the partner for things unrelated to the real
problem, or just letting things fall apart
What is the passive/negative accommodation behaviour?
neglect
What is the active/negative accommodation behaviour?
exit
What is the passive/positive accommodation behaviour?
loyalty
What is the active/positive accommodation behaviour?
voice
What are people’s automatic accommodation response?
negative
To respond with positive accommodation, it requires __________ and _______. Give an example.
self control and time (e.g., counting to ten)
Both partner’s tendency to accommodate linked with _______ ________ _______
higher relationship quality
Both ____ and _____ are constructive, and work for accommodation
loyalty and voice
both _____ and _______ are destructive and do not work
exit and neglect
are pro-relational responses to provocations always a good thing? (hint: aggression)
no.
Aggressive hunsbands + less forgiving wives = less aggression over time
Aggressive husbands + forgiving wives = no change
Females are ___x more likely to be victims of IPV
2x (or 3x) - lecture inconsistent
What age range of girls most likely to be victims of IPV?
12-24
Women who are victims of IPV are more likely to result in ______.
a) getting upset
b) leaving
c) injury
d) PTSD
Injury
___% of intimate partner homicide victims are women
79%
Study: Dating Violence Study (Straus)
What was the study about?
university students asked about minor (e.g., shoving) and major assaults (e.g., choking, punching, knife)
Study: Dating Violence Study (Straus)
What did they find?
29% of students report physically assaulting partner
10% report severe assault
more women report assaulting partner
women more likely to be injured
T/F: findings on IPV are controversial based on gender and perpetrating violence
True
Is assault more common in married or dating couples?
Dating
T/F: Among couples where only one partner is violent, men are more likely to be
perpetrators
False
T/F: men and women report assaulting partners at equal rates
True
Most studies on IPV come from _______ data.
self-report
Survey data misses out on _____/_____ aspect of IPV
coercive/controlling
What are the two types of IPV?
Situational couple violence/intimate terrorism
What is situational couple violence?
Arises in the context of specific arguments that turn aggressive, then violent
Who is most to blame for situational couple violence?
50/50 - gender symmetrical
Is situational couple violence more likely to occur in same-sex or opposite-sex relationships?
Equally likely
What is intimate terrorism?
Arises from one partner using violence to coerce or exert control over the other
What gender is most likely to perpetrate intimate terrorism?
over 90% men
Is intimate terrorism more likely to occur in same-sex or opposite-sex relationships?
heterosexual
Where is date collected for intimate terrorism?
shelters, hospitals, police records
Is intimate terrorism or situational couple violence more common?
situational, however it is less intense than intimate terrorism
