SEA 1I Are you gonna just leave me up here?

Question 1

*

scene two

Answer 1

WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING?
What?
WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA JUST LEAVE ME UP HERE?
I thought you could manage your way down!
AH, NOT WHEN I’M JARRED, SHARKY! 31
Just give me a second.
I’M FREEZING!
YOU ARE IN ONE FOUL HUMOUR TODAY…
Now please don’t start…
(warm, paternal) SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I’m…
WHAT…
Nothing’s the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT’S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
…Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 2

WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING?

Answer 2

What?
WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA JUST LEAVE ME UP HERE?
I thought you could manage your way down!
AH, NOT WHEN I’M JARRED, SHARKY! 31
Just give me a second.
I’M FREEZING!
YOU ARE IN ONE FOUL HUMOUR TODAY…
Now please don’t start…
(warm, paternal) SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I’m…
WHAT…
Nothing’s the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT’S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
…Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 3

What?

Answer 3

WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA JUST LEAVE ME UP HERE?
I thought you could manage your way down!
AH, NOT WHEN I’M JARRED, SHARKY!
Just give me a second.
I’M FREEZING!
YOU ARE IN ONE FOUL HUMOUR TODAY…
Now please don’t start…
(warm, paternal) SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I’m…
WHAT…
Nothing’s the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT’S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
…Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 4

WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA JUST LEAVE ME UP HERE?

Answer 4

I thought you could manage your way down!
AH, NOT WHEN I’M JARRED, SHARKY!
Just give me a second.
I’M FREEZING!
YOU ARE IN ONE FOUL HUMOUR TODAY…
Now please don’t start…
(warm, paternal) SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I’m…
WHAT…
Nothing’s the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT’S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
…Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 5

I thought you could manage your way down!

Answer 5

AH, NOT WHEN I'M JARRED, SHARKY!                                              
Just give me a second.
I'M FREEZING!
YOU ARE IN ONE FOUL HUMOUR TODAY...
Now please don't start...
(warm, paternal) SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'm...
WHAT...
Nothing's the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT'S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
...Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 6

AH, NOT WHEN I’M JARRED, SHARKY!

Answer 6

Just give me a second.
I'M FREEZING!
YOU ARE IN ONE FOUL HUMOUR TODAY...
Now please don't start...
(warm, paternal) SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'm...
WHAT...
Nothing's the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT'S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
...Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 7

Just give me a second.

Answer 7

I'M FREEZING!
YOU ARE IN ONE FOUL HUMOUR TODAY...
Now please don't start...
(warm, paternal) SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'm...
WHAT...
Nothing's the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT'S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
...Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 8

I’M FREEZING!
YOU ARE IN
ONE FOUL HUMOUR
TODAY…

Answer 8

Now please don't start...
(warm) SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'm...
WHAT...
Nothing's the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT'S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
...Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 9

Now please don’t start…

Answer 9

Now please don't start...
(warm) SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'm...
WHAT...
Nothing's the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT'S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
...Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 10

(warm) SIT DOWN,
SIT DOWN.
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.

Answer 10

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'm...
WHAT...
Nothing's the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT'S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
...Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 11

WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

Answer 11

I'm...
WHAT...
Nothing's the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT'S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
...Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 12

I’m…

Answer 12

WHAT...
Nothing's the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT'S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
...Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 13

WHAT…

Answer 13

Nothing's the matter with me.
(stands) GOD IT'S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
...Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 14

Nothing’s the matter with me.

Answer 14

(stands) GOD IT’S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?
…Just give me a second, would you?
OKAY! OKAY!

Question 15

(stands) GOD IT’S FREEZING!
WOULD YOU GET THE FIRE GOING
FOR THE LOVE OF JAYSUS, SHARK?

Answer 15

…Just give me a second, would you?

OKAY! OKAY!

Question 16

…Just give me a second, would you?

Answer 16

OKAY! OKAY!

Question 17

OKAY! OKAY!

Answer 17

GOD, I NEVER SEEN 
SUCH A CHRISTMAS WRECKER!   
WOULD YOU NOT HAVE LEFT 
THE OLD KALIBER OUT FOR TODAY
AND HAD A DRINK WITH ME AND IVAN...  
AND...
I'm pissed off with you, Richard.
WITH ME? WHY? 
WHAT DID I DO NOW?
...invite Nicky Giblin up here for?
WHEN?
When Big Bernard let you speak to him on his mobile.
AH, THAT WAS ONLY A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, JIMMY, COME ON...
You told him to call in to us...
BUT SURE, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!
You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT'S...  THAT'S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?  
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY... 
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA...
He'll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON'T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE? 
IN A TAXI? I DON'T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE 'ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK 
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 18

GOD, I NEVER SEEN
SUCH A CHRISTMAS WRECKER!
WOULD YOU NOT HAVE LEFT THE OLD KALIBER OUT FOR TODAY AND HAD A DRINK WITH ME AND IVAN…
AND…

Answer 18

I’m pissed off with you, Richard.
WITH ME? WHY?
WHAT DID I DO NOW?
…invite Nicky Giblin up here for?
WHEN?
When Big Bernard let you speak to him on his mobile.
AH, THAT WAS ONLY A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, JIMMY, COME ON…
You told him to call in to us…
BUT SURE, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT’S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!
You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 19

I’m pissed off with you, Richard.

Answer 19

WITH ME? WHY?
WHAT DID I DO NOW?
…invite Nicky Giblin up here for?
WHEN?
When Big Bernard let you speak to him on his mobile.
AH, THAT WAS ONLY A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, JIMMY, COME ON…
You told him to call in to us…
BUT SURE, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT’S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!
You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 20

WITH ME? WHY?

WHAT DID I DO NOW?

Answer 20

…invite Nicky Giblin up here for?
WHEN?
When Big Bernard let you speak to him on his mobile.
AH, THAT WAS ONLY A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, JIMMY, COME ON…
You told him to call in to us…
BUT SURE, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT’S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!
You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 21

…invite Nicky Giblin up here for?

Answer 21

WHEN?
When Big Bernard let you speak to him on his mobile.
AH, THAT WAS ONLY A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, JIMMY, COME ON…
You told him to call in to us…
BUT SURE, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT’S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!
You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 22

WHEN?

Answer 22

When Big Bernard let you speak to him on his mobile.
AH, THAT WAS ONLY A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, JIMMY, COME ON…
You told him to call in to us…
BUT SURE, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT’S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!
You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 23

When Big Bernard let you speak to him on his mobile.

Answer 23

AH, THAT WAS ONLY A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, JIMMY, COME ON…
You told him to call in to us…
BUT SURE, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT’S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!
You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 24

AH, THAT WAS ONLY A HAPPY CHRISTMAS, JIMMY, COME ON…

Answer 24

You told him to call in to us…
BUT SURE, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT’S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!
You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 25

You told him to call in to us…

Answer 25

BUT SURE, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT’S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!
You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 26

BUT SURE,
THAT’S WHAT YOU SAY!
THAT’S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS!

Answer 26

You told him to call in to play cards!
THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 27

You told him to call in to play cards!

Answer 27

THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!
ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!
WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?
(pause. warmly, drunkenly conciliatory) AH, SHARKY…
I ONLY SAID TO STICK THE HEAD IN IF HE WAS IN THE AREA…
He’ll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON’T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 28

THAT’S… THAT’S JUST WHAT YOU SAY!

ANYWAY – SO WHAT?!

Answer 28

(pause) 
AH, SHARKY... 
I ONLY SAID 
TO STICK THE HEAD IN 
IF HE WAS IN THE AREA...
He'll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON'T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN 
THE BROOKWOOD INN 
OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE 
GONNA ROCK UP HERE? 
IN A TAXI? I DON'T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE 'ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK 
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 29

WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH A CURMUDGEONLY OLD BOLLOCKS YOUR WHOLE LIFE, WILL YOU?

Answer 29

(pause) 
AH, SHARKY... 
I ONLY SAID 
TO STICK THE HEAD IN 
IF HE WAS IN THE AREA...
He'll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON'T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN 
THE BROOKWOOD INN 
OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE 
GONNA ROCK UP HERE? 
IN A TAXI? I DON'T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE 'ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK 
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 30

(pause) 
AH, SHARKY... 
I ONLY SAID 
TO STICK THE HEAD IN 
IF HE WAS IN THE AREA...

Answer 30

He'll be on top of us before you know it!
NO HE WON'T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN 
THE BROOKWOOD INN 
OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE 
GONNA ROCK UP HERE? 
IN A TAXI? I DON'T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE 'ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK 
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 31

He’ll be on top of us before you know it!

Answer 31

NO HE WON'T!
HE WAS PLASTERED!
HE WAS DOWN IN 
THE BROOKWOOD INN 
OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE 
GONNA ROCK UP HERE? 
IN A TAXI? I DON'T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE 'ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK 
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 32

NO HE WON’T!

HE WAS PLASTERED!

Answer 32

HE WAS DOWN IN 
THE BROOKWOOD INN 
OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE 
GONNA ROCK UP HERE? 
IN A TAXI? I DON'T THINK SO!
HEY, IS THERE 'ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK 
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?

Question 33

HE WAS DOWN IN THE BROOKWOOD INN OF ALL PLACES!
HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA ROCK UP HERE?
IN A TAXI? I DON’T THINK SO!

Answer 33

HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?
(…he was driving MY car, Richard.)

Question 34

HEY, IS THERE ‘ERE A CHRISTMAS DRINK
GOING A BEGGING AROUND HERE?
**

Answer 34

(…he was driving MY car, Richard.)