SCENE 8 Fionas Tower

Question 1

FIONA
I know it’s today… Oo-oo-Oo-Oo

Answer 1

Hellooooo! Anyone up there?

Shouldn’t you toss down some hair or something? No? All right, oh well
(Climbs up through window)
Phew
Aw great I got one of the snoozers
(Shake her)
Wake up

Question 2

FIONA
Uhl-uhl-uhl

Answer 2

Are you princess Fiona?

Question 3

FIONA
I am. Awaiting a night so bold as to reduce me

Answer 3

Ah, that’s nice. Now let’s go

Question 4

FIONA
But wait, sir knight! I have long awaited this day! And I wouldst first like to knowest the name of my champion

Answer 4

Um… shrek

Question 5

FIONA
Sir shrek
I pray that you take this as a token of my gratitude

Answer 5

Thanks all right let’s go

Question 6

FIONA
Now holdestes on, sir knight. Don’t you want to savour gis moment? It ve-eth our first meeting. It must be a wonderful and romantic scene

Answer 6

Aw jeez I’m like a crackpot magnet

Question 7

FIONA
You didn’t slay the dragon?

Answer 7

It’s on my to do list. Come on!

Question 8

(Climb down from tower and donkey runs across stage)

Answer 8

DONKEY

Question 9

FIONA
Dragon!

Answer 9

All
Run!!?

Question 10

FIONA
Well, sir shrek, the battle is won. You may remove your helmet

Answer 10

Ahhh… No

Question 11

FIONA
Why not?

Answer 11

I… I have helmet hair

Question 12

FIONA
Please, I wouldest like to look upon the face of my rescuer

Answer 12

Oh no, you wouldn’t… est

Question 13

FIONA
But- how will you kiss me?

Answer 13

What? That wasn’t in the job description

Question 14

FIONA
What is so funny?

Answer 14

Let’s just say I’m not your type, okay?

Question 15

FIONA
Of course you are. You’re my rescuer! Now remove your helmet!

Answer 15

Look, I really don’t think that’s a good idea

Question 16

FIONA
Just take off the helmet.

Answer 16

I’m not going to

Question 17

FIONA
Take it off!!

Answer 17

No!

Question 18

FIONA
NOW!!!!

Answer 18

Okay! Easy. As you command, your highness

Question 19

FIONA
You’re… an ogre?

Answer 19

Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?

Question 20

FIONA
You’re not supposed to be an ogre

Answer 20

Princess I was sent to rescue you by lord farquaad, okay? He’s the one who wants to marry you.

Question 21

FIONA
Oh. Then why didn’t he come rescue me?

Answer 21

Good question. You should ask him that when we get there tomorrow

Question 22

FIONA
Tomorrow? Oh my gosh, it’s almost sunset!

Answer 22

So?

Question 23

FIONA
I didn’t realise it was so late. We need to make camp.

Answer 23

Camp? But you’ve just escaped!

Question 24

FIONA
Yes, and I found the whole ordeal quite exhausting. I need to rest immediately

Answer 24

That’s unfortunate because we’re gonna keep going

Question 25

FIONA
I NEED TO FIND SOMEWHERE TO CAMP RIGHT NOW

Answer 25

Very well. There’s a cave right there

Question 26

DONKEY
she seems nice. You want me to read you a bedtime story

Answer 26

Say goodnight donkey