Producer/Eve - Eve

Question 1

KIMBERLY: HE SIGNED IT!

Answer 1

PRODUCER: Great, great, great. Hey, how are you? Okay, Kim. You’re makin’ the college rounds now, but remember what I said: We’re trying to be the next Jessica Simpson, the next fat guy on biggest loser, the next Sanjaya. So let’s up the awful factor. I want you to be dumb and loud and MEAN! I wanna hate you so much I can’t turn away. AND ACTION!

Question 2

INTERVIEWER 2: I thought you said this was for a documentary film.

Answer 2

PRODUCER: Cut! Come on man, can you just do your job? Can you just ask questions? We all want this to be quick. Let’s do this quick.

Question 3

INTERVIEWER 2: But she said this was a-

Answer 3

PRODUCER: YES! It’s a documentary! It’s a series of documentary short films, premiering on the T4 network and ten o’clock on Sundays.

Question 4

INTERVIEWER 2: T4?!? The Reality Teen Music Channel? With those horrible shows about spoiled birthdays and Karaoke drama queens?

Answer 4

PRODUCER: Oh, good, you’re a fan. Look, just ask a few questions and we’re out of here.

Question 5

INTERVIEWER 2: NO! I won’t…I can’t be on that channel.

Answer 5

PRODUCER: Ah, should’ve looked at the contract, friend. If you DON’T do this, you’ll be fined twenty thousand dollars.

Question 6

INTERVIEWER 2: Twenty thousand?!?

Answer 6

PRODUCER: Look man, we’re not asking you to do anything crazy. Just do your job, ask a few questions, and we’ll be out of your hair.

Question 7

INTERVIEWER 2: Fine, let’s just, fine.

Answer 7

PRODUCER: Alright, and Kimberly, remember what we talked about. ACTION!

Question 8

KIMBERLY: No. I’m totally dumb. But at least I’m not old, like you!

Answer 8

PRODUCER: Cut! PERFECT KIM! You were stupid, obnoxious…a completely terrible person. Just the kind of thing we like to see on reality TV.

Question 9

KIMBERLY: (Acting normal:) Oh, when we do my confessionals, I should say how creepy the interviewer was and that he was, like, hitting on me.

Answer 9

PRODUCER: Perfect, I got some shots of him, that if we put it in slow-motion, will make him look really creepy. Like lecherous and…

Question 10

(Scene 10 begins)

Answer 10

EVE: NOTHING’S GONNA BRING…ME…..DOOOOOWWWWWWN!

Question 11

INTERVIEWER 1: Wow, well you are obviously very talented, but… again, and I can’t stress this enough, this IS NOT the audition for the theatre program so…a monologue and two songs really aren’t-

Answer 11

EVE: (In full “Music Man” performance mode:)
TROUBLE, OH WE GOT TROUBLE,
RIGHT HERE IN RIVER CITY!
WITH A CAPITAL “T”
THAT RHYMES WITH “P”
AND THAT STANDS FOR POOL…